The Black Flower
by Angel Of Dark Intuition
Summary: Renesmee Cullen has grown up to become Fork's only half human, half vampire warrior. Like a steel magnolia, or an iron lotus, she has become a girl that her family, her friends, and her undiscovered soulmate can all be proud of. Crap Summery plz read.
1. Dream

The Black Flower

~*_Five Years Ago_*~_FlashBack_

_She had only understood so much the day it happened._

_Everything had been very new, and bright, and strange. She had only been beggining to understand the logic and order of the strange new place she had come into when the path of one of her deepest fates was set. And at the time, she didn't even know what it was._

_She hadn't known names, or sounds. She hadn't really understood. But she HAD known how to watch. And watch she had. From the beautiful blonde woman's arms, she had gazed upon the scene of strange, bright color as everything unfolded._

_The blonde's strange, hissing noises and jerky, gaurded movements. The whirling color of the large, airy room that she instictively knew as well as any part of her own body. The racing beat of her own, incredible, astonishing heart; something she hadn't known was special back then. Something she just knew was there. Something she relied on. The absence of the blonde's own-she hadn't the same heartbeat that she herself possessed. But then, the blonde's heart made no sound at all. It never had; even SHE knew that._

_She could feel the icyness, the bone~cold chill of the rapturous blonde's skin as she clutched her to her chest and backed towards the door she knew was open behind them. She was used to this iciness, it had never bothered her. The dark men, one smaller, and one large, were just as freezingly cold. So was the petite, raven haired girl, and the tall, brooding blonde that was always leaned over her in a protective stance. The two quiet stand-bys, the friendly woman with soft, billowing hair and the assured, handsome man with the humble, knowledgeable smile. Also cold. Cold beyond imagining. _

_But it had been the only thing she knew._

_Now, as she was clutched to the blonde's chest and backed away from the front of the room, understanding so little, she could sense something....different in the room with them. Something that wasn't icy frost on her bare OR covered skin. Something that could only be the opposite of cold, burning her skin with an odd type of heat she hadn't felt since she was shoved into this bright, confusing world. Warmth. The emotion coming from the sense of the heat was all different from anything she had ever experienced, as well. From the cold people surrounding her day and night, she had only ever sensed, acceptance, adoration. Protectiveness. Serenity. She knew that although she didn't really KNOW them, they knew HER. Knew her, and loved her. This much, she understood._

_The emotions coming from this new source of warmth she couldn't yet focus on were completely different. They were loud, but not like the cold people's loudness. These new vibes were explosive, astonishing. They were confused, and edgy. They made her anxious in her dim assessment; they were thrashing around wildly, and they unsettled her quite a bit. There was just something RAW about the aura filling the room. The pressure in her bleak concept of vision was growing and growing, mounting higher and higher, hotter and hotter, until she simply HAD to find the source of the uproarious energy. She turned her small head, and focused her small eyes out from the same direction as the blonde's..._

_And she saw HIM. For one single, endless moment, all was but a mass of swirling, vibrant, blinding confusion. Then objects started to come into view, particles of color and grains of substance rushing to take the form of various solid shapes in front of her new, wide eyes._

_He was not as beautiful as the cold people, nor anywhere near as pale. But he was still nice looking enough, despite the crazy explosion of energy coming from his tense frame. He was very large; larger even then the enormous dark cold man that usually stayed at the side of the beautiful blonde who was holding her now. His skin was dark; there was rich color to him, vibrant like the outbursts coming from him in every fold and direction. His hair was roughly to his shoulders, and the same color as the tiny raven~haired girl. His mouth was set in a willful line, much like the tall blonde man's usually was. The differance that startled her new mind the most was in his eyes; they were dark, not golden, like the cold people's always were. A dark, wholesome black that was the very darkest possible shade of brown; much darker than her own. And as their eyes locked, she felt as if with those eyes, he was directing every ounce of that crazy, mobile whip-lash force directly at her own small, subconscious mass._

_It was absolutely terrifying, and she knew her emotions for the fear they were the moment she made this connection. But before she could do anything to give sound to this new emotion she was feeling, the look in those eyes started to change. The first thing to go was the anger; hot and edgy and defiant, it faded out of his eyes, and emptiness was left in it's place. After that was the confusion. Then the panic. And then the fear. Finally, the black suspicion. And for a moment, all that was left were two dark, empty voids. He may as well have been dead; this thought disturbed her more than his former energy had. But it only lasted a moment. His heavy brow lifted; and light started to come into his eyes. First, there was solely awe. His back went ram-rod straight and his hands froze at his sides as the change took place. Then, there came a light of recognition. His shoulders rounded in towards her, as if he wanted to move closer to her all of a sudden. His mouth fell slightly open, and it lost it's willful look; it now just looked vulnerable. Next was a look, an emotion, that was very familiar to her. His eyes softened at the corners, and his stance relaxed; his hands moved up the slightest degree, as if he were going to reach out his arms, like the cold people often did. The look on his face was reverance. _

_Then, as their eyes stayed locked for those last few moments, the final two emotions came into his eyes. First was adoration. Plain for anyone, even her to see, it shone in his dark, chiseled face like his teeth shone against his skin when he had been grimacing at her before the transformation had taken place. And then, finally, there was the very most familiar, the very most prominent emotion of the cold people in this new, warm man's face. Love. And then a small noise broke through the man's control, and he took one enourmous stride, full of uncertainty, towards the blonde; however, his eyes were fixed solely on her. The blonde hissed, but he payed her no mind now. He reached out one very long arm, stretched out a large, dark hand. Just as he was about to touch her, though-everything exploded. A harsh snarl broke through the blonde's lips as she dashed away from him. The connection between her and the man was jolted as she was thrown back with the blonde's instantaneous movement, smooth as a snake's. And an unknown voice, clear, strong and booming, had yelled out 'Jake, No!" Then everything was nothing but confusion again._

_~*End FlashBack*~_

In the small town of Forks, Washington, a morning dove perched on a third story bedroom window sill and sang it's morning tune. Across the room, on an enourmous white bed, sixteen year old Renesmee Cullen's eyes snapped open, ans stared at the ceiling above her head.


	2. Warrior

_**Hey everyone. Angel Of Dark Intuition here! I've started a new story, based on Jacob and Renesmee from Twilight. PLEASE NOTE that it's correctly categorized this time, and even belongs on THIS website! ^.^ I'm really excited about this story, so please R&R!**_

As soon as Renesmee's eyes opened, they clouded over in anxiety. _Please, not again._ This was the sixth time in the last week she had had this strange, confusing dream. The dream of Aunt Rose, of herself. And of Jake. It didn't make any sense at all; so why did she keep having it? She had been so confused back then. She sighed with frustration, a musical sound, and rolled up into a ball, pressing her small, teenage fists against her temples in frustration. She couldn't tell Edward about this, or her mom, Bella. They wouldn't understand. Maybe Edward would even think that something was going wrong with her gifts. He had been tense and worried enough the day that the Cullen family had discovered that Renesmee Cullen could read minds. To make matters uglier, on that day three years ago,they had discovered an odd limitation to her newest power. She could only read the minds of other Mind Readers. Which, so far, limited her to her father, Edward, and Aro of the Volturi. They were still testing the theory, and Carlisle wasn't too happy at all about the lack of guinea pigs.

She didn't want her father finding out about the dream, and as a result, she had to be very, very careful of what she thought about around him. So far she had been lucky. But she was always afraid she would slip...

She let out a longer, more defeated sigh, and uncurled from her petite little ball, dropping her fists to her sides and uncurling her slender fingers. Still laying on her bed, she took a moment to listen to her family downstairs, in an effort to clear her worries away. With her keen ears, she listened to Emmett; her favorite uncle. He was watching the Florida Gators, and was whooping it up; the score was 4-2, and it was the final quarter. Shifting her attention, she focused on her aunt Alice and uncle Jasper. They were quietly whispering to eachother. She assumed the matter was private, and moved her attention to her aunt Rosalie. She had always felt somehow competitive of this particular member of her family, and her aunt's suggestions always brought out her rebellion. She didn't know why, and something about it heavily bugged her. With an uneasy feeling in her stomach, she moved on to Carlisle and Esme. She had never called them Grandma and Grandpa; the idea seemed too absurd. _That was only for Charlie_, she mused. He was beggining to look the part. Her grandparents were openly discussing a renovation they wanted to do on their room. The entire family was currently living in the Main House, as the Cottage was under repairs from a blunder involving uncle Emmett and aunt Rose. Her parents hadn't been at all happy about their house getting broken...

Finally, she shifted her attention to her Mom and Dad. Her parents were sitting very close together, from the sounds of it. Bella was whispering something into her Dad Edward's ear. She listened a bit harder....and was shocked to find them talking about _her_. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks, turning them a rosy pink as she realized they had been openly discussing her while she was asleep. She _hated_ it when her family did that; they must not know she was awake yet. She continued to listen, feeling just a bit angry that they would do that. She was the only member in the Cullen family who slept; so it was just exactly like taking an unfair advantage of her. _Grrr..._ She gave one more small sigh, and continued to listen.

"...Growing so fast...." '....Going to be 17 soon...." This was her dad. She listened for her Mom's reply. ".....we're going to have to get her a car, you know," she pointed out in her bell chime voice. 'She doesn't very much like the Ferrari, OR the Mercedes Guardian." She could practically hear her mother's smile. "However, Emmett told me that he _did_ catch her eyeing up his camouflaged Jeep." It was Edward's turn to speak. 'I don't trust that she could even get _into _that Jeep without assistance," he chuckled. "She's going to be 6 soon, 17, in appearance. How did she end up so small?" Renesmee cringed. _Great. Not only are they talking about me, they're making fun of my height. How is this fair? _'Edward," her mother's soft voice chided. "How can you say that? She's a couple inches taller than Alice, and Alice can get into the Jeep just fine. Stop being so pessimistic." There was a soft growl from her father, and then his low, musical voice as he said "I know, I know. She's just growing up so fast, Bella. Pretty soon, it will be time for..." His voice darkened and caught; he couldn't seem to continue. Her mother saved him. 'I know, Edward. Pretty soon, Jake-"

As soon as she heard her best friend's name, she tuned out. They were talking about Jacob again. And she just didn't want to know. She had never understood her parent's reactions to Jacob Black. Especially her father's. Whenever Jake was over, Edward watched them the entire time they were in the house, and his golden eyes held the intensity of a hawk's. Since she could read her father's mind, Renesmee knew that not a moment passed in that house where her father stopped heavily scrutinizing Jake's every thought. It bugged Renesmee; she didn't _want _ to invade Jacob's privacy like that, didn't _want_ to have to analyse his thoughts through her father's. So she blocked her dad out as best she could when Jake was over. Which was practically every day. She felt her almond-shaped eyes narrow in a slight glare. _Time to wake up._

She gracefully slid out of her large white bed, leaving the white feather duvets and lacy draw~around curtains unrumpled in her descent. The moment her small feet touched her dark, hardwood floor, the quiet murmer of her parent's voices stopped. Everyone in the house now knew she was awake. But she wanted it that way. She walked with silent, lilting grace across the room to her dresser. It was darkwood, like her floor, and had small red roses with thorny vines hand-painted on the front, and on the top. Jacob had informed her of the roses on the top; her head didn't _clear _the reached up, and opened the second highest drawer. She felt around, using her nose to scent out what she wanted, until she pulled out a slinky black shoulder top. It covered one shoulder, but the other had only a thick strap. Her aunt Alice had gotten it for her last year, for her birthday. She slung it onto the bed across the room with evident ease, and then crouched down to the bottom-most drawer. From there, she retrieved a pair of well worn, acid wash cut-off shorts. She flung those across the room as well, then closed both drawers discreetly and tripped lightly back across the room to where she had just been sleeping.

With a quick movement, she pulled off her red tank-top, and then her maroon plaid pajama pants. She heard her aunt Alice tsk her annoyance below, and she smiled; she had refused to let Alice fill her closet and dress her like a doll every day of the week, like her mother had. She picked her own clothes, to suit her own style. And most of the time, her favorite aunt didn't very much approve. Letting the smile slide off of her face, she slipped first into the shorts, and then the top, adjusting the shoulder over one shoulder and the strap over the other, pulling the shirt down and placing it with easy consideration over her hips. She flitted bare-foot to her desk, which held a Trig assignment for Professor Ateara she had just finished last night, a pile of books that Carlisle suggested she read, and a bunch of other random crap. She reached into the mess in front of the large mirror and triumphantly brought her hand back up, securely holding a large green hairbrush. She ran it through her hair, taking out all the knots and twists until it behaved, waving and softly curling down to her waist. Her bangs, down to her shoulders, hung down on either side of her face, just the way she liked them. She took a moment to examine this hair. It was a soft, lustrous mahogany, with an autumn colored tint when the sun hit it. With a soft, gentle ringlet curl, it fell down her back, and swayed around her hips. Despite the training she put herself through, she usually left her hair down, and she had flatly refused when her aunt Rosalie offered to cut it into a chin bob a year back. And she hadn't regretted the decision. She straightened up, and gazed warily at herself in the full length mirror. Renesmee had always been modest like her father, but she had to admit, if only to herself, that she looked sort of pretty.

Small and slender, she stood only two inches taller than Alice. Her hair was beautiful, to rival Rosalie's, even though she openly thought her aunt Rose's was prettier. Her eyes had turned a bit different from her mothers; they were a bit darker, so when the light glanced off of them, they were a deep, striking brown, with just the slightest hint of red in them. The exact color of a fox, or sorrel, and against her darker hair, they were striking. Her lips were soft and peachy colored; her skin was perfect, unblemished carmellia petals. And she had issues with self-esteem at school.

_Stop staring at yourself. You have things to do. _She promptly looked away from the mirror; she was never one to stare at herself in the first place. The slightest remains of the blush in her cheeks flared up again as she realized how superficial she was being. Qiuck like a cat and lithe like a dancer, Renesmee walked to the darkwood door, opened it, and slipped out, shutting it noiselessly behind herself.

She walked more normally, more humanly out to the landing. Her door was two doors down from the staircaes, but she was the only living thing still up on the third floor. She briefly studied her surroundings. _Same old, Same old. I'm so bored._ She peered over the smooth, oak banister. Far below, there was a small square of the main room's honey-oak floor visible. Shrugging her shoulders, she hoisted herself over the banister, and released herself to the long fall of rushing air as she headed directly for the bottom floor. Whenever she was the last one up, she always did it this way; not bothering to use the stairs, she would just jump over the railing and land at the base of the stairs, in front of her family, frowning at her in heavy, concerned dissapproval.

She felt herself get a little moody as she fell, her bottom lip pushing out a bit from the top as she thought about how over protective her family was. _They treat me like such a baby,_ she thought as the floor rushed up to meet her. No one approved when she did anything reckless. Not even Jake, unless he was with her through every second of it. She was thinking of her best friend as the balls of her feet met the floor with a low thump, and she absorbed the shock impact up through her knees. She only half saw her family staring at her with chasting golden eyes, and Emmett's big, careless grin. She didn't at all hear her father reprimanding her for trying to give her dead family heart attacks. _Why do I keep having that stupid..._ She saw her father's eyes boring into hers at the last moment and remembered to change her thoughts. _Eh. It's nothing. _She focused her attention entirely on her family now. She felt like she was under a spot light. The pressure to speak conveyed through her family's eyes was almost overwhealming. Finally, making her voice light and happy, she chirped "Good morning, everyone. What are we doing today?"

Her mother got up off the couch she had been perched on, and came forward with her arms open for a hug. "Well, Nessie," she said warmly, "we don't really have anything planned for today, so anything is fine, I guess." "Come on, let's sit down," she continued. Everything was already returned completely to normal; the various members of her family were back to doing they're own thing. She was just settling down next to her mom, when she heard "Nessie, catch!" With lightning quick reflexes, with the grace of an uncoiling snake, Renesmee caught the hardball that had been hurled at her an inch from her face. She smiled with excitement. _Good old Emmett. He must have known I was bored. _'Nice try, Uncle Emmett," she chirped in her harmonius voice. A wicked glint came into her eyes. 'But now it's _my _turn." She flung the ball back at him, faster than he had thrown it at her, and she heard the loud smack it made against his granite skin as he caught it to stop it smashing the glass wall of the house behind him. Emmett looked taken aback, and she felt the smug smile streych across her face. "You've done some more practicing, Nessie, " he commented, and his voice was heavy with praise. 'That _had_ to be just as hard as anything your Mom can pitch."

Renesmee's smile widened as her mother looked at her with affection in her eyes, but also curiousity. They needn't look so shocked; she had already told them. This was part of the training. Her eyes clouded over again as she slipped into another flashback, this one three years ago, when she was just 12.

_Everyone was looking at her. And they all looked horribly frightened. They're faces were drawn out with exhaustion, there eyes were empty and burning, save for the fierce stress and anxiety in them. She looked all around her, at the faces she loved. Mom. Dad. Alice. Rose. Emmett. Jasper. Esme. Carlisle. And Jake. She was the reason they looked this way, and she wasn't going to stand for it anymore. They were afraid-afraid for her. They were afraid that something would hurt her, that something would go wrong. They were trying their best to protect her, and it was hurting them as a result._

_This is my fault._

_Well then, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT._

_And it was in that instant that she made up her mind. She wasn't going to be weak and defenseless any more. She wasn't going to be confused. She wasn't going to rely on them entirely. She was going to become strong, and smart. Someone who deserved them, who belonged with them, to them. She was going to undertand. She was going to see. And it wasn't going to be all up to her family anymore to keep her safe._

_She knew it wouldn't be easy. She knew she was half-human, and that the things after her would be much harder and stronger than her. Much more experienced. But she did her best anyway. She enrolled in martial arts, Judo, and Par Quor. Her sensei was a vampire named Elezear, one of the many vampires who had helped her family fight the Volturi when she was young; she had needed a sensei that would understand her super-human advantages over they're other students. And Elezear had been perfect for the job. He had taught her everything he knew, as well as put her under extensive training, mental and physical. Under his tutelage, over the last 3 years Renesmee had become nearly as smart, as fast, and as strong as any normal, true vampire. Her balance was perfect, and to human and even more sensitive ears, her footfall was all but soundless. Although they were useless against some of her scarier opponents, she carried two wicked sharp hunting knives the length of her forearm, concealed in the knee high boots she usually wore out of the house. And she knew how to use them, too. With her determination to stop her family's worry as her driving force, Renesmee had become the Iron Lotus of Forks. A warrior of beautiful, deadly grace and steely finesse that all her loved ones could be proud of._

Renesmee snapped back out of her flashback, and for another moment, she looked at her family, the ones who had driven her to be what she was today. Then she announced "I'm going to see Jake down at La Push, mom. I'll be home later." And with that, she ran to the front door, slipped on a pair of purple jelly flip-flops, and ran out the front door into the woods._ I really need to talk to him._


	3. Sickness

Renesmee didn't run down their customary long, winding driveway that she took whenever she was with her family. Instead, she launched herself into a tree, and used it to swing to the next tree, and then the next, and the next. She knew the rustling leaves would be more inconspicous to ears that may have been listening, as opposed to sneaky footfalls in the soft earth. She doubled back around the house, avoiding the sight perimeter of the glass wall, and headed back into the woods. After she got a short distance away, she dropped down out of the Sicamore she had been hanging from, and landed expertly on the mossy, lechin covered ground below. It was perfectly silent, but of course, that was deliberate. The lechin and moss absorbed any noise her landing possibly could have made. And that was why she had made the circular pad her landing spot the very first time she had ever done this, about a year ago.

Starting back off down the pathless growth she had been swinging over, she padded softly and absentmindedly in her purple jellies straight through a Poison Ivy patch. It didn't matter; _that _much she had inherited from her father. Her body was versatile, hard to damage in any particular way. Some tactics were more useless than others. For example, even though a very strong person could easily stab right through her, she happened to be completely bullet-proof. She was immune to the deadliest poisons throughout the world, poisons that would kill full grown human men in an instant; yet she was rendered sneezing, watery eyed and raspy breathed by the effects of _Cheese Puffs._ Stupid allergies. She _almost _never caught any sicknesses like the flu or a cold, and as far as Carlisle's studies conveyed, she would never come down with any kind of disease. _Meh. I have it better than MOST kids, I guess._ And then her full attention went back to what she was doing. She only had a little while more to go. Her impatient, fox colored eyes gazed ahead, looking for a half moon formation of Evergreen trees. After a moment's search, she let out a quiet, satisfied sigh as she found what she was looking for. She flitted towards the trees, and in a flash of color, she was there. She tripped lightly to the inside of the curve, and moved to the tree the very furthest from the opening. She bent down, and moved a bunch of wisely, expertly placed foliage aside-camouflage. One small hand reached under the tree's impressive skirts, and it closed around a cool, sleek metal bar. A handlebar. With strength greater than most full grown men, she easily pulled the object right out from under the tree. She looked down at it, and a wide grin stretched over her delicately featured face. _Thank you, Jake._

The object laying on it's side in front of Renesmee was a sleek, spotless black motorcycle. Jacob had kept it from both her parents, ESPECIALLY Bella, fixed it up and given it the black paintjob for her; she had had to spend an hour convincing him that it was the color she wanted. He had been taken aback; his initial choice for her would have been silver, like her father's, or red, like her mother's motorcycle had been. _But I'm not LIKE my mother._ The thought took her by surprise, and for a moment, she could only stare at the motorcycle on the ground. Then she gave her head a firm shake, and picked the bike up from the hard earth, setting it up straight and pushing up the kickstand. She leaned against the bike as she tucked the foliage back under the tree, out of sight. Then she rolled the bike a little way away from where it was hidden; she couldn't have tire marks giving the location away. Once she was clear, she kicked up the kickstand and hopped onto the bike. She took out a ponytail, and wrapped her hair up into a large, messy bun. Then she shoved a huge black stealth helmet with tinted eye cover onto her head. She only needed it so no one could see her face; yet _another_ advantage she had acquired from Edward. Roadrash and brain damage would forever remain a mystery to her. She started up the bike, and expertly led it out onto the road a little while to the West. Unlike her mother, Renesmee had immediately grasped the concept of a motorcycle, and she had no trouble whatsoever weaving into the traffic on the road. It was the morning rush; everyone was driving to work, and Renesmee was like a little female Mad Hatter as she weaved insanely through the vehicles with a wide grin on her concealed face.

Finally on the road, she let her attention shift back to Jacob. The grin vanished almost immediately as she thought about what she had to discuss with him. She groaned; a sound mixed with a frustrated sigh. This was all Quil Ateara's fault. If he hadn't come up to her and spilled the beans about Iliana, she wouldn't be spending her Sunday morning driving to La Push to talk to her werewolf best friend about how their friendship might be critically altered. All because of some girl her age who's genes decided to make the entire La Push pack miserable. And if the guys were miserable, SHE was miserable. And if SHE was miserable, chances were her family would be miserable. _Not like I'll be telling anyone but Jasper though. And I wouldn't even tell HIM, if I had a choice._ She sighed again; her uncle's powers over emotions were becoming a major pain in the aperfectly , as of late. She could paste a smile on her face, she could make her voice bright, and she could hide her thoughts from Edward. But she could never truly hide her emotions. Not from Jasper. So far, he hadn't alerted the rest of the family to her new sombre state, but she was always afraid he would decide to.

She was nearing the La Push borderline now; with her keen eyes, she could see the very first houses starting to spring up out of the reservation. She had heard about the treaty between her La Push friends and the rest of her family, and apparently, none of the Cullens, not even Bella, were allowed over the Borderline. When she had asked why SHE was allowed over, she had been told "because you're Jake's best friend." In Renesmee's opinion, the answer was lacking. But she had dropped it nonetheless. _They're going to have to tell the truth eventually._ And now there was the problem with Iliana. With her lips pursed and her shoulders thrown defiantly back, she drove over the borderline, across no man's land, and into the reservation. She didn't stop at Embry's or Jared's the way she usually did; she drove straight to Jacob's house. Tall, square, and faded red, she _almost_ lived here more than she lived at her own house. It was, without question, her second home. How many times had she slept over here on the short-couch? She took a deep breath as she cut the bike's roar off in the large front yard-and smelled something very, very off. She felt the hair on the back of her neck raise; her upper lip came up off her teeth to reveal her small, unvenomous fangs. What _was _that? It made her uneasy; the smell was dark, and clouded. Coy, and dense. Far from a good thing. Bracing herself, reducing her fangs again, and doing her best to not grimace, she pulled the helmet off, propped up her bike, and flip-flopped her way to the front door of the Black's house. She didn't knock; she let herself right in, completely noiselessly.

It was very quiet; even her ears couldn't pick anything up in the house. It was actually kind of peaceful. She kicked off her purple jellies and took her hair down out of the messy bun, combing her sharp, slender fingers through it to neaten it up again. She looked around the foyer, which opened into the little living room. The only noise was the ticking clock on the mantel piece above the fireplace that never had a fire in it. She flitted through to the kitchen, and listened again. She was about to call for Jake, when she realized- she shouldn't _have to._ Normally, Jake was right in her face as soon as she was through the door-sometimes before. Now, she was nowhere to be seen. And she couldn't hear a thing, except for that stupid clock. Fear slid up into her throat, threatening to choke her. Had something happened to Jake? And where was Billy? She couldn't hear him, either. _Oh no. Oh no. Oh no..._

Panicking, she flitted down the short hallway, to the only door; the door to Jacob's room. Fearing blood, gore, and bodies, murder and mutation, she threw open the door...

And found herself staring up into her best friend's face. He appeared to have been about to open the door when she threw it open for him, and he was standing right in front of the door, taking up the entire space, blocking out his closet-sized room from view. Renesmee's breath caught, worse than when she had been afraid. The wrong, creepy smell was a million times stronger in his room than it had been in the front yard. She could hear his heart beating now, but something about the smell seemed to be....blocking it. And yet, the air _looked _perfectly clear. Also, Jake looked kind of tired, as if he had stayed up all night. Normally, she wouldn't worry too much about something like that, but this was different. What was _wrong_ with her best friend?

'J....Jake?" Her voice came out tiny and scared, exactly like she was afraid it would. She watched him wince, and it was like someone had hit him. His face seemed to age as he looked at her, his mouth drawn down hopelessley, his eyes tortured as if something were actually killing him. 'So," he whispered, and his voice was as tortured and pained as his face. "Quil went and told you about her, huh?" He winced again.

Renesmee didn't know what was happening inside her then. First, she was purely concerned and scared,a nd then, something new was swiftly unravelling it's self inside her. Like a whip cracking, or a flower blooming in fast forward. An explosion. She looked at her best friend's face, and hot anger exploded inside her. This new girl was the _reason_ he looked this way. This new girl, Iliana, who had given the entire _pack_ a burden none of them wanted to carry.

_And_ _look at him!!! _He looked absolutely horrible. How could this have happened? Why hadn't Jacob, Sam done something about it? _Why hadn't ANYONE done something about it???_

Renesmee's head snapped up like she was a puppet, and someone had yanked a string. She placed her small hands curled into fists on her hips, and planted her feet in the ground. She glared balefully up at him before snapping "_Yes, _he _did _tell me, Jake. So can you maybe _explain _to me how this happened?!" She didn't see his eyes widen, didn't see his hands raise or his head shake in warning. She continued right on. "He told me _everything, _Jake. How could you guys accept a job like this!? You don't have the qualifications to take _care_ of this girl!! She's _sick_, Jake! Just _think_ about it! And there's something_ weird _about her. I smelt this_ horrible_, cloudy smell when I came up, and-" His eyeshad grown desperate while she was yelling at him, and now, he grabbed her with one hand, and pulled her to him, covering most of her face and halting her speech with the other. She glared angrily up at him from where she was being crushed to his chest, and they're eyes met as he whispered, low enough so a human couldn't hear, "please, Ness. Be quiet. She's _in there." Shock._ Renesmee could practically feel the hurt shock spark in her eyes, like a wounded animal. Then her eyes went completely flat. Empty and dead. She shoved away from him, breaking his hold on her, and she took a big step away from him as if she couldn't stand to be near him anymore. She almost couldn't. _"What did you say? _She's _in your room?"_ Her voice wasn't dead; it was still furious. And for that, she was thankful. He still looked downright awful as he said, more loudly, "I'll explain it all Ness, I promise. Just-here. See for yourself." And he stepped away from the door. Trying her best to relax her face out of it's vicious snarl, she stepped up to the doorway, and peered inside.

She was beautiful. No taller than Renesmee, she sat cross legged in the middle of Jacob's made-up bed. She was wearing a pair of old jeans, and one of Jake's seriously huge cotton sweaters. Her skin was pale, as pale as Renesmee's, and she had a heart shaped face, and long, wavy white-blong hair that touched the covers around her. Complete with huge, innocent eyes that were a dazzling emerald green and long black lashes, she looked like an Ice Princess on casual Friday at the palace. And even as Renesmee stared, the girl gave her a small, sad smile and held out one tiny hand as small as her own. "You must be Renesmee. My name is Iliana. Iliana Hardman. And I can see that thanks to Quil, you've already heard about me." She looked ashamed, like she was about to hang her head. Renesmee couldn't bring herself to take the tiny hand and shake it. Instead, she turned back around to Jake, her expression still somewhat hard, her fox colored eyes still glittering with barely reined in anger. 'Okay, I've met her," she said clearly and precisely. "Now, explain." Jake's face looked half-hopeful as he took one of her hands. She managed not to pull it away, and she listened as he said "Iliana is with us for a while, probably until the winter. She IS sick, but being with us is what's gonna make her better." His eyes glittered with a sort of hard anticipation as he said 'She's a shape-shifter, Ness. And we have to teach her how to take shape."

".....Huh." It was the best response she could think of for what she had just been told. A shapeshifter that was sick because she couldn't shift. _Creepy._ She wondered how they were going to just TEACH her how to phase, and what animal she would be. Probably a wolf. _I still don't like her. There's something not right about her._ And the anger, rose up again, fresh and new. She looked at Jacob and said as bitingly as possible, "Well Jake, I gotta go. Stuff to do, you know. I'll talk to you later." She gave him a salute, angrily rolled her eyes, and walked out of the room, and down the hall. She slipped her Jellies back on, and stalked out of the house, putting up her un and then her helmet as she walked. She kicked her bike into gear and it came to life with a roar. She looked back at the house once, and she saw Jake standing on the porch, looking like he was going to try and stop her. And then she saw the face at the living room window. Small and heart-shaped and pale, Iliana watched as she threw the catch back and her bike flew foreward. _I wonder what she thinks of me._ The angry girl, with her long dark hair and her flashing fox eyes. With her snarling black motorcycle and purple jellies. She heard herself give an inward snort. _Like you care. _And then she was gone, racing down the road the way she had come.

_**Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone. Keep reading! It gets better soon, I promise. Anyway, next chapter should be up in the next couple of days.**_

_**Angel Out 3**_


	4. Jacob and Jasper

As Renesmee sped down the now virtually empty road off of the reservation and onto the road to the woods, the cloudy sky that had been thick and rolling all day opened up, and it started to rain. It wasn't quite torrenting, but it could, later. It could start raining enchiladas, for all she cared. She was insanely glad for the stealth helmet-not because it was protecting her head from the rain, which it was-but because of the two frustrated, worried tears that escaped her glittering, watery eyes. She was being an idiot, she knew. She was going to be within homes range in about five minutes, and she had to keep Edward out of her head. She was over-reacting. She was being evil, and selfish. Not to mention over-wary. There was nothing at all strange about Iliana Hardman. Nothing whatsoever. And she had treated her terribly, when she didn't even know her. Her mother would have been ashamed. _But I'm not LIKE my mom._ Again. That odd, startling thought that had thrown itself into her head for the second time that day. She gave her head another hard, angry shake as she proceeded to cry down the road. Her clothes were soaked; what was she going to tell her family? _Maybe I shouldn't tell them anything._

And that gave Renesmee the idea. Kicking her bike into it's fastest gear, she snarled with illegal speed down the road, twisting and turning with expert precision. She had her bike hidden in the usual spot within the next two minutes, and then she was running to the North, a completely un-customary direction. She instinctively knew where she was going to go, and she raced towards it at a very un-human speed, her eyes blurred by her now vehement tears.

Soon she was going uphill, steeper and steeper, and she took to swinging through trees by their lower branches, as an easier form of transportation. She wasn't lost; she just didn't really care where she ended up. She had never felt quite so horribly numb. She just ran and ran, and her incredible half-vampire stamina kept her going without any signs or effects of labor. _This sucks this sucks this sucks Grab that tree..._

She was staying relatively dry now; the canopy of thickly interwoven trees above her was doing a fine job of acting as a super-size umbrella. Her face, however, was tear-stained, her long lashes sticking together, her fox colored eyes rimmed in red. She was far from La Push now, and far from the Cullen's house. She was far away from anywhere. This was wilderness; she had to avoid a couple of hikers in her acsent. She had no idea how long she had been running, and she didn't care about that, either. _Just a little bit farther... _She came to a stone dead stop at the edge of a clearing. She looked around with wide, only partially-seeing eyes. White, yellow, and purple flowers decorated the soft, green ground. The air was clean and sharp, minus the rain. And she could smell the scent of two very familiar people all around... Edward and Bella's meadow. Renesmee walked into the circular opening on trembling legs, only to fall to her hands and knees in the middle. She turned herself over, and layed with her back to the grass; the trees opened up to the sky here, and she let the rain hit her now un-covered face, and further soak her already sopping clothes. She had taken her hair down, and now it lay all around her like a vast dark halo, just as wet as the rest of her. The rain on her face mingled with the tears that ran ceaselessly from her closed eyes, onto her cheeks, and down to the ground she was laying on. Now that she was were she wanted to be, where no one could find her, she let her thoughts wander...and they wandered to Jacob Black.

Jacob had been her best friend since a few days after she was born. By the time she actually met her mother Bella for the first time, it was Jake who spent the most time with her, who fed her, who played with her the most. He was always there. And he only got more loyal as the years went by. _He_ was the one that taught her how to ride a bike when she was one. _He_ taught her how to swim. How to dress. How to catch her own food. _He _brushed, and braided, and trimmed her hair. And then he taught her how to take care of it herself when she was older. He had paid a heavy price for his level of involvement in her life; Bella had almost killed him many a time over "trying to raise her child for her." But he had always come back the next day. No matter _what_ her Mom said. Even _hiding_ her hadn't worked. And whenever _she_ asked why he was still allowed in the house if it bugged her parents so much, they had grumbled something about how "Jake wouldn't do so well without you." and 'He needs you more than you think he does. You'll understand some day." And she had let it go at that.

Now she wasn't sure if it had been such a great idea.

Because she was afriad that this new girl would somehow impact the relationship between her and Jake. What if he didn't have time for her anymore after this, because of Iliana? She put up a tough front, but she knew that without Jake, she would die. _Could he even do that? We've been friends forever._ This was the boy she had let sleep on her couch in her room for three days in a row because of some problems with Billy. And _then_ she had hidden him in her closet for another half day while a very angry Billy looked for him. This was the boy she had taught how to do Macramay. How to draw GOOD pictures. How to play Hangman. They had spent an entire day eating slushies together in La Push together last summer,and then taken note of what colors they're tongues were. And she still remembered. Electric Blue, and Ultra Violet. The same color as the barf that followed shortly there after.

Most people would say that she acted like an idiot when she was with Jacob. But that wasn't it. It was just that she could do whatever she wanted with him, and it felt fine, completely natural. She could be herself around him. Something that she really couldn't _do_ that often, she realized with a start.

Was she going to lose that because of this girl?

And that thought pushed the pain she was feeling to a whole new level that sent the gushing tears into torrents, and she herself went swirling into a darkness that didn't let her think anymore.

She was woken up some undetermined amount of time later by snow cold fingers on her forehead. Her red-rimmed eyes flew open; it was really pouring now, the rain coming down in buckets. The clouds were a reddish color, so she knew it was sunset behind them. She only noticed then that she shouldn't have been able to see it all so clearly, since there should have been rain in her eyes. She looked up- and almost had a heart attack. Because she was right, the rain _wasn't_ hitting her- it was hitting Jasper. He was looking down at her with a look that would have been concern-if it wasn't so screwed up and distorted with pain. It was then she realized that he looked this way because he was feeling her emotions. And her emotions weren't the greatest right now. She couldn't even summon up a smile for him; she simply lay there staring at him with sad, fox colored eyes that were dark with her seemingly unspeakable pain. But Jasper got it- he didn't _need_ words to understand the way she was feeling right now. Instead, he whispered 'Alice had a vision. So I came out to get you."

His voice was strained, and Renesmee instantly felt bad for him; she wouldn't wish what she was feeling right now on her very worst enemy. 'Does....does my Dad know? Does he know I'm here? Or why?" He stared at her for a moment before replying "No. As soon as Alice saw that the vision was of you, she blocked Edward out. He doesn't know that you're here, and he doesn't know about Jacob." She sighed sharply with relief. But it was quickly over-ridden with her uncle's next words. "Jacob has called Alice's cellphone twenty-seven times, frantic. He knows that you never came home, because she had to tell him that you weren't there; he was asking for you. Now, he is somewhere in the East woods, searching for you. He was so worried, he left Iliana at his house to find you. He's still out there." Renesmee felt the last of the color in her white face drain away. If he got too close to her house, and Edward heard his thoughts... 'Exactly," her uncle stated firmly. His eyes saddened again; Renesmee was surprised that he didn't use his ability to try and pump false happiness into her, like he usually would. "You shouldn't be feeling this way,' he stated. _Understatement of the century, Jasper. _"You should be allowed to know. He should be allowed to explain..." he seemed to be struggling for words that made sense to her incomprehension.

Then his blonde brow lifted, and his scarred, beautiful face cleared. "Call him," he said, procuring a small silver cell phone. 'Before he blows your cover." She knew it was the right thing to do. She flipped open the face, and she was about to dial Jake's cell-when Jasper closed his hand on hers, closing the phone again. "First, let's get out of the rain," he said, and he looked up in annoyance at the pouring sky. He was soaked too, now. 'We're getting wet." In the next instant, she had been scooped up, and she was lifted high into the air as he stood at his full height. Casting one more troubled look up to the torrential downpour coming from the rosy clouded sky, he ran off. As shapes started to blur around Renesmee as he picked up speed, she closed her eyes again, knowing it wouldn't take him long to get them somewhere dry, with cell phone reception. She let herself feel the smooth rythmn of his graceful run as he carried her somewhere that was to the South West. _He has a really nice run._ After a few minutes of just running through the rain, she was suddenly in a dry, warm place. The cold, bead-like rain no longer pummeled at her small body; in her new, awakened state of worry, she had started to feel it's slapping sting. She didn't exactly feel dead anymore, just grieviously wounded. And she was aware enough to see through the dark and figure out that he had taken them to the shelter of an old abandoned barn a little while away from Forks. She had been there once before, on a hunting trip with Jake. _Jake._ The ripping pain went through her chest again as she thought of her best friend. And she didn't hesitate for even one moment as her uncle Jasper held out his phone to her again. She grabbed it with lightning-quick movements, flipped it open, and flashed in Jake's cell number. _Please, Jake, please..._

He picked up after the second ring. "I don't have time for this, Bloodsucker," he growled. "Renesmee is still out there, it's pouring rain, and you guys haven't found her yet. I have to keep looking. So what do you want?" Renesmee swallowed once, and then, looking at her uncle Jasper for support, she said in a small voice, "Jake? It's me, Ness. Jasper has me, and everything is fine. You can stop looking for me now." A moment of silence passed in which Renesmee could _hear _Jacob's relieved rush of thought. Then he yelled into the phone, hurting her ears "Ness, oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!!!" Then his deep bass of a voice turned annoyed. 'Do you have any IDEA how long you've been gone? I've been looking for you all day, and I left Iliana at the house. Sam is gonna rip me a new-" "I'm sorry, Jake," she cut in. "I fell asleep. That's all." There was a silence on the other side of the line. Then, in a low voice, Jacob said "I'm sorry Ness. We really should have warned you about this, shouldn't we?" Renesmee felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up again, and she swallowed the sudden lump of angry tears that tried to block her breathing. 'Yeah. Yeah, you should have. 'Cuz this was no way for me to find out." She tried to push the fresh tears gathering in her eyes back into her system. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry..._

'I know that, Renesmee. And I feel horrible. But what was I _supposed_ to say? It's one of the craziest things I've ever _heard_!" He sounded like _he_ was half crazy, and Renesmee felt another stab of sympathy as she thought of how worried about her he must have been. But the tears were still there, and they were trying to slip out... "Get back to La Push, Jacob," she sighed, feeling tired and trembly from head to toe. 'If you get too close to my place, and my dad hears you're thoughts, I'm dead meat." Her voice was flat as she said "Then _no one _will have to worry about me anymore." She moved her eyes to her uncle Jasper's face, to find him staring sharply at her with his golden eyes. _Geez, Renesmee. Stop acting so suicidal. That's not you're bit. _She managed to roll her eyes as she turned her attention back to the phone, in time to hear what Jake was saying. 'I'll get away from Edward and Bella," he promised, "but where are you?"

"In the abandoned barn outside Forks," she said impatiently. "But Jake, that's not the point-"

"That's all I need. I'll see you in a few."

The line went dead.

Renesmee tried to look calm as she handed the phone back to Jasper, who was feeling her wound-up, hysterical emotions, and was eyeing her curiously.

"Maybe I _should_ have sedated you."

"Maybe you should have," she agreed as she let her fox colored eyes close.

He sighed.

And her eyes flew open again as she gasped with the power of the overwhealming flashback that hit her at that moment.

_"Hey Quil. You don't sound so good." Renesmee's voice was sympathetic as she watched one of her best friends with wary sorrel eyes._

_"I don't feel too good, Nessie." Her brow furrowed with worry. Quil was a strange green under his russet skin, and the shadows under his eyes made him look like someone had died. He was immensely huge, and he looked like he was about to fall on her. But that would be no problem. She would carry him, if she had to. So she took a step closer to the sick-looking boy and asked 'What's wrong?" He tried to smile at her, and it looked more like a grimace. 'I have a REALLY guilty conscience." Her confused frown deepened. Guilty? About what? HAD someone died? "Quil," she asked in a more urgent tone. "Quil, what's wrong? What happened?" His grimace got worse as he replied "It's the pack. We took on a new job today, one we're not sure we can handle. And it's been having some...effects on a few of our consciences." He's DEFENITELY sick. "Why would you feel guilty about taking a job?" She had her hands on his chest now, partially propping him up, and he grabbed hold of both her hands with his own as he replied "we're not really supposed to tell you about it. That's where the guilt comes in." Oh, no he DIDN'T. About three minutes later, she had the boy confessing. "The new job is a client," he explained. "Girl about your age and size named Iliana. She's...like us, in a way. And she's really sick." She had started to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Explain that, Quil." He shuffled his feet, and looked down at his chest, where he was still holding her hands captive. Probably thinking she was going to run away. As if she would do that. 'Well, she's a shapeshifter....who doesn't know how to take shape. And it's making her really sick. It's a type of sickness that will weaken her and weaken her until she just...dies. Unless she learns how shapeshift. Her health will improve as she learns." His voice had dropped to just above a whisper as he went on explaining, and he looked as tired as ever. "It's going to be a...time-consuming job. I might not have as much time to spend with...with Claire." Ouch. NOW she knew why he looked so physically sick. Everyone knew that Claire Young was Quil's Imprint. And she had been told that being unable to be around your Imprint could be emotionally painful beyond imagining... "Well, I'm sure things will get better soon," she said, trying to cheer her friend up. But he only shook his head. "She's a long term project." She opened her mouth to speak again, and his eyes seemed to get a bit sharper. "Don't you know what that means? Now that Jake is the new Alpha 'cuz Sam stepped down to be Beta, HE'S gonna be the one in charge of taking care of her. So HE won't be able to spend time with YOU, either." Oh, my God...Jake...! And then she had taken her hands back from Quil, thrown a "gotta go!" over her shoulder, and was racing home in the Saturday sunset light. JakeJakeJakeJakeJake........_

"Renesmee?"

She was pulled back out of her reverie by a deep, booming voice. Her sorrel eyes flew towards the entrance of the barn, and she saw Jake standing there, his dark eyes burning, shaggy black hair dripping wet, clad only in a pair of black cut-off jeans.

_Booooom._

Her emotions exploded in a shattering quake that would put the Comparative Third World War to shame when she looked at her best friend, standing there, with angry concern on his face, looking like Death Incarnate.

"Jake....!"

Her voice shook with the packed-in tears; the anger on his face vanished and melted into brooding protectiveness-and then the dam broke.

He ran to her side in half an instant, and held her while her racking sobs shook her like there was an earthquake outside. For about an hour they stood there, locked in a fierce, bone-crushing embrace that probably would have asyphixiated a normal, human person. While Renesmee cried into Jacob's chest like a five year-old, Jacob stroked her hair while uttering soft reassurances as he glared harshly over her head at the barn wall. It continued to pour; the sky too seemed to be pouring out everything it had. Jasper silently stood in a half shadow watching the entire thing, first silently, then humming out of tune, to keep himself occupied. After all, he didn't want to impose. He wouldn't bother her with how worried they had all been until after she had had some sleep. And maybe some icecream.

_**Okay, so I lied. ^.^ I put this chapter up the same day as Chapter 3. But hey, who's gonna complain at an over-achiever? If you saw my ROOM, you'd think THIS was a miracle. So, enjoy. R&R, tell me what you think. Grrr...I'm probably gonna regret this, but...Flames accepted.**_

_**Angel Out 3**_


	5. Liar

_**Still waiting for reviews, people! Oh well. On with the fic! ^.^**_

_**Angel ~Hearts~**_

It was 3:00 on Monday morning, Renesmee knew. She was laying in bed on her back, with the covers pulled up to her chest, staring at the white ceiling. The frilly white curtains interwoven with red lace were drawn all the way around her white four-poster bed, and she was wrapped in a curtain of white, milky moonlight shine; the result of the moonlight coming from her bay window hitting the curtains. She didn't make the slightest sound; she didn't want anyone knowing she wasn't asleep anymore. Besides, she was preoccupied anyway, not only with covering her thoughts from Edward downstairs, but with another thing, too. She was reliving what had happened yesterday afternoon.

After she had finally stopped crying, she had blatantly refused to tell Jake _why_ she had been crying in the first place. He hadn't taken _that_ well at all. But he had finally had to accept that she wasn't going to talk, and after about five minutes of coaxing on her part, he had even let go of the support post he was doing his subconscious best to crush in his frustration. Soon, as evening began to fall, the warm, dry barn started turning into a _cold_ dry barn, and in her soaking clothes, she was _freezing_. _One thing I DIDN'T get from my father. Immunity to temperature. How incredibly cheap._

So Jacob and Jasper had gotten her out of the barn. To take care of her soaking clothes, Jacob had taken her to Leah's Clearwater's house. The mysterious "condition" between her and Jacob had turned everyone in the La Push pack into Renesmee's friends, so Leah had no qualms whatsoever about letting the similarly-sized Renesmee borrow some of her dry clothes. She then proceeded to blow-dry her hair, while Renesmee herself brushed it out again to some state of comparative normalcy. Jacob had stayed just outside of Leah's room the entire time, chatting up an only slightly suspicious Sue, and holding off a very highly excited Seth. _I knew it was a bad idea to not see him for more than three days at a time._ By the time they were done, it had almost stopped raining completely, so after Renesmee and Jacob succeeded in peeling Seth off of her, they thanked Leah, and walked out into the open night with two super-sized black umbrellas. They ran out of La Push to the borderline, where her uncle Jasper met them, holding a big green umbrella of his own...and a quarter-pint of Haagen-Daz Strawberry Swirl icecream. _I wonder how many girlfriends he had before aunt Alice so that he knew they needed icecream when they were upset. _After exchanging some brief looks with Jake, who looked just as baffled, she had taken the icecream, (which he had allegedly picked up from the Fork's Variety Store) and eaten it on the way home. They threw the empty container on Mike Newton's lawn (at Renesmee's suggestion), and had then traversed the short distance back to her house in the woods. Jake left her at the front door, promising that he would see her tomorrow at school, and after giving her another bone-crushing hug. She had given Jake the umbrella to return to Leah, and after giving her uncle Jasper a very distict look of warning, they had walked through the front door.

_Boy oh boy, was THAT an adventure._

_~*10:00 Sunday Night*~_

They had walked in to seven of the most intense glares she had ever gotten from her family. Every single member of the Cullen household looked like they wanted to rip her into a million tiny pieces, and burn the pile. And Jasper wouldn't be escaping the justice, either. Her mother, Bella, was standing the closest to the door. She had been wringing her hands when they walked in; now she just glared with an intensity to fizzle out the solar system. Edward was standing just behind her, his hands on her shoulders, with a look that made Satan look like Santa Claus. Alice was somehow managing to glare at her _and_ Jasper at the same time, and Jasper seemed to be getting the worst end of it; she felt him stiffen behind her. Emmett was frowning and looking a bit pissed, which, for Emmett, was _NOT _a good sign, and Rosalie looked like she wanted to jump across the room from the counter guard she was perched on, and rip Renesmee's head right off her shoulders. Carlisle and Esme Cullen were sitting on the loveseat together, holding hands and looking murderous. _My grandparents want to execute me. Great. Just great._ It was completely silent. Renesmee cringed, waiting for the onslaught to begin. Only, it didn't come. She stared at her stony-faced family. Counted to ten. _Silence._ Shuffled her feet, counted to twenty. _Silence._ Inspected her jellies as if the were the answer to life's secrets. Counted to 30, 40, 50. _Silence. _Now terrified of what she would see if she looked up again at her family, she let her head hang, and instead reached out for Jasper with her mind. He was there; standing stiffly right behind her. Tasting the emotions in the room. And so, she inspected what she found running through her father's head; all the emotions he was reading from Jasper's own assessment of the room. Like a double feedback. Anger. Accusation. Hurt. Disbelief. Fear. Worry. Anxiety. Dread. Anger. More anger. More hurt. And now, annoyance at her silence. _Oh, boy._ She felt a raking slash of guilt go through her chest. _They were WORRIED about me. They didn't know where I was, or what might have happened to me. They couldn't believe I didn't come home. _She saw a bitter smile stretch across her father's face as she realized the truth. And so, she put up her wall. Because she couldn't have her dad knowing what she was about to do. _It's time to lie for all I'm worth._ Praying that Jasper would let her do the talking, she dove headfirst into her story.

"Hi, everybody." Her voice was falsely cheerful, and ashamed, just like she knew it would be. Nobody moved an inch. Forging ahead, she continued "Okay, so I'm guessing you guys were a bit worried-" That was too much for Emmett to keep quiet about. He threw up his hands and gave an exasperated snarl. 'No, Renesmee, we weren't worried at _all_. Because why would we be, when you randomly say 'I'm off to Jakes" and disappear for the whole FREAKING day, and don't tell ANYONE where you went!? That wouldn't make us worry AT ALL, now WOULD IT!!??" He had been getting progressively louder as he went, and so by the time he was done, he was practically bellowing so loud the house shook. _Okay, so Emmett reacts badly to stating the obvious. I'll make a note of that. _"Guys, I know you worried. I know you're mad at me." Her voice was pleading as she drove on. 'But you don't have to be upset. Because everything was perfectly fine." Now it was Edward's turn to make a small noise of disbelief. His eyes were still narrowed to dangerous, baleful slits, but his voice sounded like he was _trying _to _not_ scare his daughter to death as he asked "and how exactly have you come to this conclusion?" _Vampires. They are SUCH Drama Queens._ Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she continued with her lie. "I went out to swim on the beach down at La Push. Jake was busy and couldn't come, so I told him I would go home. And I _was_ going to go home. But then Embry and Quil grabbed me, and we went swimming instead. We stayed out for a while, and then when it started to rain too hard to swim in, we all went and stayed at Quil's place for a while." She looked up at Jasper; he was staring at their family over her head, and his golden eyes were boring into everyone elses. With a shock, she realized that Jasper was pumping easy-going acceptance into everybody, making her story more believable to them. He was helping her. _Why would he do that for me? I scared HIM, too._

He looked at her, and it was her que to continue. So, taking another small, nondescript breath, she continued. "We lost track of time over at Quil's, and Jake was calling Alice because for some reason, he thought I had her phone. He was trying to remind me what time it was, so you guys wouldn't get worried."

She knew it was a horrible story. She knew any parent in their right mind wouldn't believe it. But she ALSO knew that her parent's will was crumbling; she had never been known for her trouble making. She had never had to be punished too severely for anything she had ever done. They could normally trust her word. And they really wanted to trust it now.

That was what she was counting on.

Esme was the first to believe her. Her murderous glare went away, and was replaced with a questioning look. 'Well, honey, why didn't you just tell us that in the first place?" _Because I never thought I would have to resort to lying through my teeth to my Grandmother. That's why. _"I was afraid you guys wouldn't believe me. It was pretty dumb of me not to look at the clock." That melted Carlisle. "Don't worry about it, Honey,' he soothed. "We were just worried, that's all." Alice was the next. "I knew you weren't that clinically irresponsible," she said happily. _Ouch. I didn't know that this was going to hurt this much. _Renesmee tried to smile as she forced herself to reply. "Thanks. Glad I passed the test." Emmett grinned and laughed, already back in his easy-going mood. "Hey, just bring a phone next time, Nessie," he said. "I will." Her father never said a word; for a moment, Renesmee was afraid she hadn't blocked well enough to stop him from knowing the truth. But his killer glare disappeared, and he relaxed his grip on his wife's shoulders. Bella still looked skeptical, but everyone's assurance in her daughter must have been enough for her. She only furrowed her brow and asked "Why are you wearing Leah Clearwater's clothes?" "My clothes got wet when we were swimming, Mom." Looking satisfied, her mother nodded, and retreated back to the far end of the room with Edward. _Mission accomplished. So why do I feel like shit? _"Mom, Dad, I'm kind of tired,' Renesmee said, and this time she was speaking the truth. She was suddenly exhausted. 'I think I'm gonna go to bed." There was a murmer of agreement all around, and then a collective "See you in the morning, Nessie." _Yeah, the big fat liar will see you all in the morning._

So Renesmee had run to her room, confused and highly disturbed by the emotions raging inside her that she had to hide so completely. _I just lied through my teeth in front of my entire family. And they all believed me, in about two minutes. _Something like anger welled up inside her, deep in her stomach. _My own mother looked straight into my eyes and couldn't even tell that I was spewing a gigantic lie. _Tears welled up in her eyes, but she wiped them fiercely away before they could fall. In just a day and a half, her life's standing base had started to go ever so slightly out of orbit. There was this new problem with Jacob, and the new girl, Iliana. There was the fact that Jasper knew what she was hiding, and she wasn't sure how long he would be willing to hide it from Alice. And then there was the fact that she had to go back to school in a few hours. So many problems, so big, just stacked up in a neat pile, waiting to crush her. _What if I don't let it?_

That was when Renesmee got the idea. She wasn't going to let this get in the way. Tomorrow, she was going to wake up. She was going to get dressed, eat her breakfast, and go to school on the reservation. She was going to sit through her classes, and learn. She was going to come home, and do some cleaning. Or maybe go out. She was going to go through the motions of a regular day at school, to show everyone that she _was_ fine. That she _was_ strong enough to deal with this. _Better yet_, she thought dreamily, _make it look like there's nothing to deal with. _And she smiled. That was her plan. She was going to be Renesmee, perfectly. Renesmee the warrior. And that way, none of her problems could really, actually touch her. She was going to be invincible. With her face bearing a gigantic smile that scared even her, she had fallen asleep, the moonlight shining all around her.

~*End Memory*~

Now, Renesmee was awake, and she knew that her train of thought had been horrible, and more than a bit scary. She had been tired, and guilty from lying to her family. And she had jumped headfirst into FantasyLand. With a shake of her head, she dismissed her antics as nothing but retardation. She was going to be normal, of course. She was over-reacting; there was nothing to react to. Jacob was her best friend; there was no way he was going to let this new challenge mess up they're relationship. And now that she had to walk on Eggshells with her family, she knew that she was going to have to relax some, if she didn't want to go insane. And her sanity was clearly something she needed more than a _little_ bit at this point in time.

It _had_ bugged her how her mother had reacted last night though. She hadn't even known that Renesmee was lying. She hadn't even bothered to take a closer look at her child, just to check. She hadn't done anything at all. She sighed. _Deal with it, Renesmee. So one lie slipped by your family's guard. You're LUCKY. They would probably STILL be dancing around your smoking pile of ashes if they knew where you ACTUALLY were. _Giving a small, frustrated sigh, she moved one curtain aside with a whisper of fabric to see the digital alarm clock she never really used. The neon blue numbers flashing out from the clock read 3:19 AM. _Why, oh WHY did I have to wake up at 3 in the fricking morning?_

And with that, she became a statue, and waited for the morning light to enter her room.


	6. Part One: The Morning

The subtle beeping of her rarely-used alarm clock startled Renesmee out of her stock-still reverie; she had been laying on her back, staring at a ceiling while remaining perfectly still for the last four hours, and she was seriously annoyed as a result. However, the beeping seemed to wash away some of the irritation, and she slipped out of bed as soon as it had started. Then she theatrically smashed a tiny fist down onto the "End" button to make it stop. The poor clock gave a mangled chirping groan, and then it went quiet. A smile stretched across her face. _I think that was unhealthy. _She shrugged. _Oh well._

She started to get dressed immediately, listening very carefully the entire time to what was going on, down on the main floor. There were some quiet murmurings, and they were _all_ about her. _Crap. Just what I DIDN'T need. Ah, well. No help for it. _She threw on her clothes, which were a lacy pink mini-skirt with black diamond leggings, a cute yellow Tee that fit her really well with a pink heart on it, and some sparkly black bangle bracelets. She slipped on her black knee-high boots, and then slipped her knives into the backs, concealed by the length of the boots. She ran the green brush through her hair, and threw on some perfume. She grabbed her Trig assignment off of her table for Mr. Ateara, Quil's dad, as well as her history book out from under her bed. Then, looking at herself once in the mirror, decided that her hair was being cooperative that day, so she would leave it down. She looked at the clock again. 7:17 am. _Hmmm... still too early to leave. _She rushed downstairs to the main floor, and managed to avoid everyone's gazes as she ran to the kitchen with her eyes to the ground. Once she was in there, she poured herself a glass of ice cold milk, and then chugged it down. She grabbed a slice of bread, and wolfed it down in record time. For good measure, she ate a spoon of peanutbutter to go with it. Then she grabbed her red quilted shoulderbag off the back of one of the kitchen chairs, and raced back upstairs without saying a word to any one of her now curiously watching family. Once back in the safety of her bedroom loft, she shoved all of her books and papers in her bag, as well as her bright orange wallet with money in it for lunch. Even though she enjoyed hunting, of course she couldn't in front of a school of kids. So she ate food, just like everyone else. Normally Jake, Quil or Embry bought her lunch, but she had decided that she wasn't going to be able to sleep easy much longer if she kept letting them.

Renesmee sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. What was school going to be like now, with Iliana there? She had no idea. She only hoped that Jake kept his promise, and found her at school. With another, bigger sigh she ran down one flight of stairs to the second floor where everyone else slept, and then across the hall to the bathroom that was specifically for her half-human use. Once she was there, she tapped the door shut with her boot-clad foot, grabbed her clear plastic toothbrush, and did a thorough job of cleaning her mouth out. She looked at her dad Edward's digital wrist-watch he had left out on the counter. The little shining green numbers said 7:48. _Good enough. It's time for me to disappear._ Flitting back down the stiars, she threw a quick 'Love you, bye!" over her shoulder at her family, and then ran out to the connected under-ground garage. Grabbing a set of car keys from the racks hanging neatly from the walls, she tripped over to her uncle Emmett's camouflaged monster-jeep. She grabbed the front guard, climbed her way up to the door, and then swung in through the windowframe. Throwing her bag in the passenger seat, she adjusted herself, making herself comfortable, and then slipped the key into the ignition. With a wicked grin on her face, she turned the key. _I absolutely LOVE this jeep._

A minute later, she was speeding down the road towards La Push, with the wind whipping her hair behind her, and rock music threatening to burst her eardrums. The jeep was her favorite vehicle, out of the Cullen's entire collection. She loved the roar of the engine, the smell of the seats, the mottled greys of the paintjob. She loved the way that she could race down the road, and her wild laughter would be lost to her own ears by the blaring music and ripping wind. She continued down the road with that same wide grin stuck to her face.

Soon, she was nearing the reservation line; the first houses were clearly visible to even human eyes from where she was.

As she officially crossed the line and drove into La Push, she looked around her in speculation. All around, kids from the rez were starting to walk or drive to school. Most of them, she knew by name. _There's Mark Regan, there's Cindy Lukin, there's Ashleigh Walters..._ She turned onto LittleCreek road, and then the La Push Highschool was in plain view. The building was tall, with three floors, and a deep, black red brick that had always made Renesmee think of the haunted wood. She kept the music at it's earth-rocking decibel as she drove into the school parking lot, nodding her head in time to the complicated beat. Right away, she spotted Embry Call's rust red Mustang, and she drove up to park next to him. He was leaning against the hood of his car, and as soon as he saw her, a huge grin stretched across his thin face, and he jumped up onto the side of the Jeep while it was still moving, leaning his head inside the open window to talk to her. "Hey, Nessie," he greeted her, and his voice sparkled with enthusiasm. She laughed, turning the music way down so it was just background, and replied "Hey Em. What's up?" He grinned wider, and shook his messy black hair out before tucking one side of his bangs behind his ear. 'Oh, not much. The same old stuff, besides Iliana. Been doing some cleaning around the house, actually." He didn't sound at all troubled when he spoke about Iliana the way Quil did, and it made Renesmee feel much better about the whole thing. 'I missed you this weekend," she replied, and as soon as she said the words, she knew she meant them. After Jake, Embry and Quil were her very best friends. 'I wish we could have hung out."

His eyes lit up in a way that made hers light up in return. "Yeah, that would have been the best," he said happily. She put the Jeep to a stop next to Embry's car, and turned the engine off. She slid out of the open roof, and jumped down to the ground next to him. Towering over her, he bent over, picked her up, and gave her a huge hug, swirling her around in a circle. Laughing, she returned his embrace, and when he put her down, he took her bag out of the Jeep and gave it to her. After she slipped it onto her shoulder, he took one of her tiny hands in his giant one, and started to pull her in the direction of the front doors. Renesmee started to panic just the slightest bit again. _What if I'm not ready for this?_ But she let Embry pull her, and she hung her head, keeping her eyes on the ground, and all she could do was hold onto her best friend's hand, and hope that her VERY best friend was going to keep his promise.

Embry noticed how quiet Renesmee got as soon as they entered the school. And of course, he could tell from the sad look in her downturned eyes and the blush on her otherwise unusually pale face that it was because of Jake. He felt a pang of sorrow for both Renesmee _and_ Jacob. He had never agreed with Billy's and the Cullen's rule. Jake should have been allowed to tell Nessie... _Oh man, _he thought sadly. _Do you have any idea how this is killing them both?_

Since he was pulling Renesmee slightly behind him, and he was the one forging ahead, he looked up, his eyes scanning the hallway for his fellow pack members. The only one he saw was Paul. He sighed. _Jake, where the hell are you? You're defenitely not making this any easier on her._ Keeping his grip on Renesmee's hand, he sliced through the milling crowd of people in the direction of they're friend. 'Come on, Nessie, we're gonna go see Paul." Her eyes met his for a moment and she said "Okay." Then they returned to the ground. He sighed, and waved his other massive hand through the air until he caught Paul's attention. With a few more giant strides, he made it to the other end of the long, worn wooden hallway, and was standing a couple feet away from Paul's locker. Paul's dark eyes narrowed when he took in the expression on Renesmee's lowered face, and he brought his head back up to stare Embry in the eye. "What's wrong with her?" Paul stood only about an inch shorter than Embry; he was the same height as Jacob now. So when Embry gave him a very specific look, and then mouthed the words 'Jake is screwing up", he got it pretty quick. 'Aw, crap." Paul ran a giant hand through his very short dark hair. Then he gave a frustrated sigh. He had always been the angry member of the pack; however, he was also the one that knew the most about how it felt when someone abandoned you. This was because Paul's dad had walked out on him and his mom when he was 7. And the entire school knew it. Now, he slammed his locker shut, and took one enourmous stride towards Renesmee, so he was standing right in front of her. Looking way down so he could meet her eyes, he used one finger to tip her chin up to look at him. 'Hey,' he said softly.

She sighed, and her eyes seemed to shimmer. "Hey, Paul," she greeted. 'How's it going?" His eyes tightened again as he heard the sound of her voice. 'I'm more worried about you." Before she could respond, he continued in his low, booming voice "He'll show, Renesmee. We'll find him. He promised." He put both of his massive hands on her small shoulders, and gave her a shake. "He gave you his word, Renesmee. You have to believe that. We'll search the whole school with you, if we have to. Okay?" A tiny smile broke out on Renesmee's face, and she reached one tiny hand up to his forehead, mockingly checking his temperature. It was only for a joke though, of course; Paul was burning hot, as usual. 'You're acting a bit dramatic, Paul," she said, still smiling. "Are you feeling okay?" "Better than ever," he replied with one of his signature pirate grins. This made Renesmee and Embry laugh. Paul watched her as her fox colored eyes lit back up. _Glad you're feeling better, Nessie._

After a few minutes, it was time for them to get to their first classes. Embry had to leave them to get to World Geo, and Paul and Renesmee headed towards Monarchaic History. Even though Paul was the roughest member of the La Push pack, he took Renesmee's hand in one of his own after Embry walked off. Since he had succeeded in making her a bit happier, he wanted her to stay that way. He towed her behind him as they started up the first staircase, up to the second floor of the school, where their classroom was. That was when the whispering started. Paul ground his teeth together in frustration, making the muscles in his jaw stick out, and kept going. Ever since his freshman year when everyone had found out about his dad, most of the people at the school had decided that he was trash, and they were going to do they're best to make his life at school miserable. And holding hands with Renesmee wasn't helping his case any. But he knew what was important here; she was his friend, and a depressed friend, at that. And they were all just a bunch of loser jackasses, anyway. Ignoring the whispers and laughter, he pulled Renesmee up the rest of the staircase to class. Seeing how _both_ of them could easily rip any of those kid's throats out, he didn't want her to get any more upset than they both already _were_.

Monarchaic History went fine. Renesmee spent most of the class sitting next to Paul in the wide, oak double desk, watching him make fun of Ms. Sanders by pushing up his nose, puckering his lips, and speaking in high, tinny whispers. "Queen Jane the fourth ruled in 1789..." Giggling, she pulled a piece of paper out of her pink spiral notebook, and scribbled down a note in her neat, rounded hand-writing.

_~Paul, what the heck are you DOING?~_

She slipped it to him across the tabletop, and he grabbed it before Ms. Sanders could see it over her pearly-rimmed glasses. He read it, grinned, and took a pen out of his bag. He layed the paper out flat, scribbled something in response, and handed it back to her.

_~I'm TRYING to make sure you don't slip into a spiralling depression. How am I doing so far?~_

Renesmee grinned as soon as she read his chicken-scratch response. She looked up at him, and rolled her sorrell eyes. Then she bent her head back over the paper, her bangs brushing the desk, and wrote:

_~Well, so far you're doing fine. I'm not getting any suicidal urges.~ _Then, as an afterthought, she tacked on ~_Do you really think we'll find him? Or do you think he's gonna be too busy with Iliana?~_

She saw his eyebrows scrunch together as he read the last part of the sentence, and she wondered how he was planning to reply. She watched him bite his full bottom lip as he scribbled a long, messy response. Then he passed the paper back to her. With the ease of a pro, she began to read his nearly illegible writing.

_~Of COURSE he'll show, Ness. How can he NOT? He promised you he would see you. You and I both know that Jake is a loyal friend, if he's anything. Sure, he can be a major retard and a humongous ass sometimes, but you're really important to him. I'm 100 percent sure he'll turn up. And if he DOESN'T, we'll team up, and rip his head off. Sound good?~_

She looked up at him, and they're eyes met and held for one intensely long moment. He now looked completely serious. She picked up her pen.

_~That sounds great, Paul. Thanks. I have a lot of faith in Jake. I'm sure he'll pull through this, and everything will be okay. I'm sure Iliana will fit in just fine. I believe that he's strong enough to keep our friendship exactly the way it is, even if he DOES have to spend so much time on Iliana.~_

She passed the note back to Paul, and she felt herself biting her own lip, like he had before. The problem with the words she had written was that she only _half_ believed them. She wanted to believe them, of course she did. But her fears were stopping her. Paul must have known too, because when he passed her his response, it was an echo.

_~You really wish you believed that, don't you?~_

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down at the words. Then, hand shaking, she wrote her reply.

_~Yeah Paul. I do.~_

He reached over and took the paper from her, not waiting for her to pass it. He ducked his head as he read the words. Then he looked up at her. They're eyes met again, and he saw that hers were full of drenching, unsheddable tears. His face twisted in sympathy, he reached under across the desk where no one could see, and took back her hand.

_I'm so glad Paul is my friend._

_**********************************************************_

Renesmee's next class was Math, and she had it with Quil. Paul had shoved the note in her bag before Ms. Sanders could grab it, and now she knew it was somewhere wedged into her History textbook. She would have to get it out later. He had then insisted on walking her to the third floor for math, where they met up with Quil. Quil said that he hadn't seen Jake yet, and his first class with him was after lunch in Bio Chem. Renesmee sighed; where, oh where was Jacob Black? _He promised._ After Quil told them, an annoyed Paul had gone off to Gym class, where he would meet up with Jared and Leah, and Renesmee had led the way into Mr. Vondy's math class. Mr. Vondy was a short man, not much taller than Renesmee. He had long gray hair that he kept pulled tight to his head in a ponytail, with a sunken in face that reminded her of a skull. He had more than one piercing in his left ear, and you could see some very _questionable_ tattoos under the cuff of the long-sleeved shirts that she was sure he was ordered to wear by the schoolboard. He was shrewd and not always polite, and she had been told by a number of her classmates that he had a tendency of looking _up_ skirts and _down_ shirts. Of course he creeped her out. So it didn't help much when Quil had to leave her side to go sit across the room. Taking a deep breath, Renesmee walked over to the desk she shared with a girl named Pam Drovsky. Pam was a sweet, pretty girl with long blonde hair and big, round blue eyes. she was very chatty, and Renesmee managed to distract herself with Pam's conversations about shoes and the upcoming dance on Friday, and how Joshua Londyne had asked her out. An hour later, she stumbled out of math class with a concerned looking Quil on her heels. As they stood in the hallway waiting for Embry to emerge out of Hospitality class at the other end of the hall, Quil pulled her to his side and held here there, commenting "You don't look so good, Nessie. You're awfully pale."

She was taken aback. Did she really look that bad? She whirled around to stare at her reflection in the glass-case display they were leaning against. Flourescent lights shone inside the case to display the paintings inside, and between two war sketches, she examined her appearance.

And almost gasped.

Her face was all but _white_. It stood out like the moon against her dark, rich brown hair, which was tumbling down around her narrow shoulders. There were dark shadows under her eyes that hadn't been there this morning, when she was with Embry. They were glaringly obvious against her pale skin, which, upon closer inspection, she realized was looking somewhat translcucent. And they were under eyes that were a bit darker than her normal reddish brown fox color, more like dead fall leaves in a puddle of water. And they were some of the most terrifying eyes she had ever seen. It wasn't that they were _scary_, there was nothing scary about her eyes. It was the _emotion_ she found there. There was fright. There was tension, and weariness. Most of all, there was vulnerability. Her eyes were those of someone that was walking on eggshells. Someone waiting for a bomb to go off. _Why the hell do I look like this? I'm not going to WAR, for God's sake. I'm waiting to see my best friend._ Her eyes narrowed in distaste at her own reflection. _I'm such a drama queen. Pull yourself together, Renesmee. _She huffed in a big breath, and straightened out her shoulders. She rubbed at the circles under her eyes, and some of the color faded back. She pinched her cheeks to put some color back into them. _I'm only HALF dead, _she thought. _I refuse to look like the entire deal. _

Quil had been watching her through the whole thing, and her enthusiasm towards making herself look more _alive_ seemed to please him. Just then, Embry ducked out through the doorway of the Hospiltality classroom, and as soon as he saw them, he jogged over to they're sides. "Anything from Jake yet?," he asked. "Renesmee tipped her head up to look at him. "Not yet," she responded. She could almost _hear_ Embry grind his teeth together in frustration as she told him the news. He breathed out through his nose, his broad lips firmly shut. A few seconds of silence ensued. Just when Renesmee was sure she was going to have to break the angry silence, Embry starightened up with a sudden jerk and calmly said "It's lunch now. I'm sure we'll see Jake in the cafeteria. He's probably just been showing Iliana around the school. C'mon, let's go eat. Nessie, I'll buy you lunch."

'Oh, no you don't!" she practically yelled. He looked at her in alarm, wondering where the fire was and who was killing JFK. "I am buying _myself_ lunch today," she calmly explained. "I feel like a lazy shit spending you guy's money day after day, so I brought my _own. _And I'm _using_ it.' For a second, Quil and Embry just looked at her. Then they exchanged a look of they're _own._ "Okay, Ness," Embry said softly. "Spend whatever you want. We won't buy you anything unless you ask for it today." And then she surprised herself by beaming at them, a face splitting grin. "Thanks, Em." She hooked arms with the both of them, even though the top of her head could easily be an armrest for them, and with as much cheer as she could put into her voice, she said "Let's go eat, and see if we can find Jake."

_**Okay, I know. You don't have to tell me that this chapter was very long compared to the others. But the ideas were just spilling out, and I didn't want to forget them. So I'm making a part one and part two. Read and Review, people! I need constructive critisism! ~I think I spelled that wrong.~**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	7. Part Two: He Proves Himself

Paul, Jared and Leah met up with Renesmee, Quil and Embry at the bottom of the staircase to the main floor. Jared and Leah were looking sympathetic; Paul must have filled them in during gym. Paul was still looking agitated as he threw one massive arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side, and Leah took both of her hands as soon as she walked up to her. Her eyes were full of sadness, and then she said "I'm sure he'll be there, Renie. He made you a promise. So just wait it out. We'll be with you all the way." Renesmee felt a small smile curl her lips. _Leah, you are the only one in the WORLD who calls me Renie. _As one collective mass, the four massive La Push boys, the petite La Push girl, and the prettiest Cullen made they're way to the cafeteria. They were the weirdest collection in the school, besides the emos. Tall, tan and muscular, the guys looked like brothers with varying hair lengths. They all had the same dark skin, the same white teeth, the same dark eyes, and at the moment, the same scary expression on they're faces that was making students scurry away from them in every direction. In their midst, right beside Renesmee, was Leah. Even though she too was a werewolf, and so part of the pack, she was only 5"5', as compared to the boy's 6"7" average. She was pretty; she had short, sleek black hair that she kept in a spiky up-do, and big brown eyes shaped exotically like almonds. Her skin was still dark, but it was paler than the boys, and she was dressed in a black, clingy turtleneck and jeans. And then there was Renesmee herself. About an inch shorter than Leah, she was the shortest of they're posse. More beautiful than even Rosalie Hale, she turned more than a few male and female heads on her way down the hall, even though she _was_ surrounded by the guys and Leah.

They're school wasn't all that complicated, and soon they were standing outside the doors to the cafeteria. Renesmee didn't look through the glass windows on the doors; she was afraid of what she would, or _wouldn't_ see. She was right not to look, she was sure. And she didn't even need to, in the end. She could tell from Paul's angry curse, Embry's frustrated sigh, and the tightening of Leah's hand on her own. He wasn't there. Bracing herself against what she knew was probably coming when she saw it for herself, she peeked around a trembling Paul to look into the cafeteria. She looked around the tables spread throughout the room, and she felt her heart sink as she confirmed what Paul and Embry had already seen. Jacob _wasn't_ in the cafeteria. He wasn't in line at the counter, or at any of the tables. He wasn't leaned up against a wall eating lunch. And Iliana wasn't anywhere to be seen either. Quil spoke just as Renesmee was about to open her mouth. 'Where the hell IS that jackass!? He _promised_ Renesmee he would see her today, and he hasn't shown up yet! Does he not realize that he is screwing. It. UP!?"

Renesmee looked up in alarm at her friend. His face was contorted with anger and black frustration, his huge hands clenched into fists at his sides. It was then that she started to realize something. _Why are THEY so mad that Jake isn't treating ME right? It's not they're problem. So WHAT is they're motive??_ She was almost too confused to come to conclusion, and when she DID, it didn't help her whirling head any.

Feeling freshly dead, she made her way into the cafeteria with all of her concerned, and now _furious_ friends tagging along behind. She walked over to the counter with wide, unseeing eyes, and got in line to buy herself something. Of course they all followed her, but she barely even noticed them. All she could feel was Jacob's absence. _He's not here why is he not here Oh my God he really isn't here..._ Then her chaotic thoughts ceased, and she could only fit one thought in her head. _I wonder where he and Iliana are right now. _It was her turn in line to buy food, so she cast her un-seeing eyes onto the row of food, and asked for the item nearest to her. Then she took what she had bought, and walked to a table, where her legs collasped and she folded into one of the blue plastic chairs. Paul was the first one to get to her, so he straightened her up in her chair and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Come on, Renesmee," he pleaded. "We still have afternoon classes. He still might show up. Don't go like this on us yet. Please." Renesmee looked up at him through eyes that couldn't see anything. But somehow, they saw the look in Paul's dark eyes, twisted in pain, and full of pleading. Something in her head screamed _Wake UP, RENESMEE! _Her head jerked up; her eyes flew wide open. And suddenly, her blind eyes could see _everything_.

Saw her tangled hair falling around her, saw her white hands clenched in her lap. She saw Paul's completely uncharacteristic look of suffering, saw his massive hands knotting themselves together in his anxiety. With her new, startled eyes, she saw Embry, saw his ashen face, no hint of a smile, saw how angry and helpless he looked. She saw Quil, saw the darkness in his eyes, the defeated set of his mouth. She saw Leah looking homicidal. And she saw that once again, _it was her fault. _A frustrated sigh escaped her parted lips. _Get a fricking GRIP on yourself, Renesmee. You're making them worry, and you have no reason to. Not yet. So just give it up, already. _Once again, she straightened herself up, and made herself look more presentable. She looked Paul in the eye, and she knew her gaze had become strong and clear. She put one small hand on his shoulder, and when she spoke, her voice was loud, calm, and assuring. 'Don't worry, Paul. You're right. I still have the second half of the day. That's plenty of time. I'm sure he'll show." She was extremely pleased to find that _this_ time when she said the words, they rang true and clear in her mind, echoing and bouncing back at her in every direction, like sunlight on a shattered crystal shard. Like a songbird's call, or a baby's laughter. Relief washed through her. She actually meant it; she didn't feel nearly as horrible as she had a minute ago.

Apparently, her emotions were evident, because as soon as she said the words, everyone relaxed. Then Embry nodded happily and said 'Glad to see you in better spirits, Ness." She gave him a really big smile, allowing her pointed canines to show ever so slightly in her evident enjoyment. " It's good to _be_ in better spirits, Em." After she watched his grin widen to the point that his dimples had dimples, she turned her attention to the article of food she had bought without looking at. It was a tuna taco. As soon as she saw the hard shell full of gooey fish, her nose wrinkled up, her hands dropped away from it, and her mouth opened to form a very surprised, squeaky "ew." She pointedly pushed the heinous abomination away from her, to Paul's immense amusement. He rose from the table with one fluid motion, and then he was gone. Renesmee didn't know where he had disappeared to; she figured he was off to do one of his 'Paul" things. So she had no idea that he had gone back to the counter until he plopped a huge plate of poutine in front of her from behind. "I bought you lunch," he said with a defiant smirk. _Ugh. Paul, you just don't LISTEN, do you? _After she threw him an evil glare that he simply laughed at, she allowed a small smile to touch her lips as she stabbed a cheese-loaded fry with her fork, and popped it into her mouth. _So long as I'm waiting for Jake to show up, I might as well indulge in heart-stopping fry food while I'm at it. Ha ha ha. _The rest of the group started to eat too, and the rest of the lunch period passed in a blur of laughter, upturned chairs, and eventually, airbourne poutine containers. The class bell served as the end of the chaos, and they all worked to straighten chairs, dust eachother off, and then throw the empty food containers away. Embry good-spiritedly hooked arms with Renesmee to band-march to they're next class, which was Language Arts. Renesmee accepted his arm as she busted out laughing, and she was completely amazed at how much her mood had shifted as soon as she trusted her friend's words of reassurance. They walked up the first flight of stairs and down the hall to Renesmee's locker, which was right next to Leah's, then back down the stairs and to the farthest door down to Language class.

They walked into Mr. Kermanick's class still arm in arm, and then took they're seats together in another large oak desk. They didn't have any time to chat at the beggining; as soon as the second bell rang, Mr. Kermanick came striding in, tall and fierce, and started sharply rapping out instructions to the class about the poem "They had better have on them, or bodily harm may be the consequence." Sighing in irritation, both Renesmee and Embry pulled out a sheet of paper from they're bags. Renesmee's heart swelled with pride when Embry let her read his poem; it was beautiful, exactly the way they always were. Embry was hands down the best poet in her group of friends; he always had been. And if his Dad wasn't always too busy grounding him to listen to them....

She sighed, right in time for Mr. Kermanick to come to they're desk and ask "Something the matter, Miss Cullen?" She looked up into his oddly gleaming eyes, and she was reminded unpleasantly of a bird of prey. Swallowing her distaste, she replied, 'Nothing at all, Sir." The gleam brightened. 'Sure there isn't a problem with the poem?" Now trying to hold down her irritation at those bright black eyes, she cast her gaze down to the poem in her hand. It was labelled 'The Night," and then had her name, Renesmee Cullen, in the bottom right corner. Her writing was smooth and flowing, as nice as the rest of her family's, but she wasn't quite as confident about the substance to the page. For sure, her poetry was _nothing_ compared to Embry's, and she was almost certain that Mr. Kermanick would share her viewpoint. But he was waiting for an answer, and she was stalling. She felt Embry nudge her with his foot, and she made her voice come out firm and discussion-ending as she replied "Absolutely, Sir." The gleam went out of his small black eyes, he grabbed her poem, then Embry's and stalked off in his odd jolting walk without another word.

After that, she found that she and Embry had time to talk, and in whispers they discussed a variety of different topics, from the latest run-in with his dad, to how much Mr. Kermanick looked like a turkey when he got angry. After a few minutes of easy conversation, Mr. Kermanick stepped to the head of the room, and slammed his meter-stick down on the rim of his desk. Everyone completely ignored him, until he had repeated the action three times. Finally, the room was silent, and he had everyone's attention. For the most part. "Okay, class," he droned in his cold, indifferent 'teaching-you-because-I-couldn't-get-a-better-job" voice. "We're working on another poem today, and this time, it has to somehow be related to nature. You have....oh, about....thirty-three minutes. Go." Rolling her eyes, Renesmee grabbed a couple pieces of paper and a black pen. Then, after a few moments of blank, idea-less thought, she let her mind wander. She sifted subconciously through her thoughts, just aimlessly searching-and then she knew what to write. She put the pen to the paper, and this is what she got.

The Black Flower

In every garden, there is a flower more beautiful than any other.

This flower can be anything; big, blossoming, fruitful, or secretive.

It may have a sweet smell, or it may keep it's wonders undercover.

For every garden, there is a gardener.

Someone who appreciates the most beautiful flower in a way unexplainable.

This flower has an unspoken right to it's Gardener; they belong to the flower.

And the flower belongs to them.

But what if, from the strange foreign winds, a new seed is blown into the garden?

A seed that grows into an astonishingly beautiful flower.

One even more special than the Best Flower?

What if it's radiance over-takes the flower's claim?

Will the flower lose it's gardener to this new treasure?

The new flower may have a smooth, slender stem

as comapred to the first's thorny, tangled one.

It may have full, perfect petals

unlike the first's unique, jagged edges.

It might be an explosion of color

whereas the original flower is a midnight black.

But does it deserve what is rightfully the first flower's?

The bright flower may dazzle,

but the black flower mystifies.

The bright flower may catch the eye,

but the black flower can survive the storm

that would strip the bright flower of it's glorious beauty.

The bright flower may flaunt itself for the entire world to see,

but the black flower has pride; it knows when to be humble.

And it will fight for it's claim;

it won't be dis-heartened by the bright flower's empty lies.

The black flower will stand strong,

and in the end,

although the bright flower will fall,

The Black Flower will remain,

never changed from it's hard-comings.

What is love?

I think it's a black flower.

Embry had been reading over her shoulder as she impulsively wrote, and now he was staring at her with his mouth hanging open. She immediately felt self-concious. Was there something on her face? Was the poem all wrong? Finally she couldn't take it anymore. "What?," she whispered, studying his face for any signs of the problem he seemed to now be choking on. 'N...nothing," he finally managed. 'It's just...well....that poem is _amazing,_ Nessie. It's _really_ _good. _Honestly." She felt the blank disbelieving incomprehension on her face, but she still decided to ask him to repeat what he had said, just in case she had misheard. 'Em, you did _not_ just tell me that I wrote anything intellectually above Humpty Dumpty." He had to stifle laughter as he replied "I'm serious, Nessie. That poem could be published. It's amazing." Renesmee felt a warm glow spread through her at the praise she finally decided she had to accept. Having something like that said to her by a poetic artist like Embry Call was a _very_ good reason to feel warm and fuzzy inside. For the rest of the class, she leaned against Embry's immensely bicepped arm while she watched him write _his_ poem which, in the end, trumped hers, she was sure. When the end bell rang, she gathered up her books and paper and threw them in her bag. She straightened up again, adjusted her skirt, and flashed Embry a smile as they walked out of the Language classroom together. "Next class is the last for the day," she said with a slight sigh, just as Paul and then Leah became visible around the corner. "Think he'll show?" Embry looked grim once again as he said simply "He better."

They all had they're last class, Geography, together. So after a quick trip to they're lockers, they all met back up to walk together to the third floor, where the Geo classroom was. Renesmee in the lead with Leah right behind her, followed by Quil, Paul, Embry, and then Jared in behind. They were all walking at the exact same slow pace; they knew that this was it. Either Jacob was in that room, or he had broken his promise. As Renesmee's hand trailed against the banister as she turned towards the third floor staircase, an image of Jake's face floated in her mind. Was she going to see it in the classroom they were fast approaching? She was careful to remain in the front of the group. She didn't want anyone taller than her giving her hints this time. She wanted to see everything for herself. She was at the door now, and she was glad her head didn't clear the glass window that showed into the room. She grabbed the door knob and turned the silver rod in her hand. She braced herself, took one more deep breath, and opened the door.

Only to take one step into the room before being swept up into a hug that threatened to crush even _her_ bones, while her huge, boiling hot assailant whispered her name joyously in her ear over and over again. 'Nessie, Nessie, Nessie!" Warmth rushed through her. She had been lifted right off her feet, and she wrapped her slender arms around Jacob and squeezed back hard. She buried her face in his chest and breathed in his scent. He promptly put his face in her hair, and she heard him breathing _her_ scent in, too. She gave a shaky chuckle that was muffled by his chest, and when she spoke, her normally beautifully harmonious voice was husky. 'I thought you were going to break your promise." His voice was strained as he repied "I'm so sorry I couldn't come get you sooner. I had to teach Iliana all day." His voice dropped to a much more inaudible decibel as he continued "What a pain in the ass." Renesmee heard him though, thanks to her half-vampiric ears. She decided to simply not reply, and they're embrace lasted several more moments, until they heard a small cough from the front of the room. Renesmee froze; her already cool skin on the small of her back developed goose-bumps, and if Jacob hadn't been holding her, she would have turned pure white. Instead, she blushed a faint red.

There were other people in the classroom, of course. She had simply....forgotten them. And now, her class was looking at them like they were aliens from Plutonia with two heads and split personalities. The only ones who looked unbothered were her and Jake's friends standing out in the hall watching them, and she was guessing that _that_ was because of they're maddeningly mysterious knowledge about Jake.

Jacob was perfectly content with the idea of ignoring all of them; he continued to hug her until she placed two hands on his chest, lightly pushed, and whispered 'Jake. People. Watching." He heaved a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sigh, but she couldn't be sure, and then released her, placing her back on her feet, and then straightening up. Shaking her head and hoping her blush was mostly gone, she stepped around Jake and stared at the class, hands on her hips and glorious hair falling down her shoulders to her waist, her fox colored eyes snapping. She must have looked at least _somewhat_ as scary as she hoped; they returned to their chatting and gossiping. She turned to Jacob and said simply "Thank-you for keeping you're promise. Now, say hi to your _other_ friends that haven't seen you all day." Jacob walked over to the rest of they're group, and he was greated with not a single killer glare, not even from Paul. Renesmee spied Iliana sitting at the desk in front of the one she shared with Embry. Jacob's seat. She stifled a sigh, and went to sit down with Embry. Jacob followed her immediately, sat down in his seat next to Iliana, and twisted around to talk to her until the teacher came into the room late five minutes later. Then he handed notes back to Embry for him to give to Renesmee. She read each note with a smile on her face, and wrote back shaking with silent laughter. Iliana mostly kept her eyes fixed to the teacher at the front of the room; Jake was being pretty oblivious to his surroundings.

Renesmee had to smile through the entire class; she hadn't needed to worry at all. She was confident in her and Jake's friendship surviving. She met his eyes, and they were always sparkling. Maybe she would get through this with him afterall.

_**Kay people, you know the drill. R&R! **_

_**Angel Out!~Hearts~**_


	8. Keep The Secret

After they're last class, school finally ended, and the bell rang signalling the end of the day. The entire school filed out into the vast Campus parking lot, and Jacob followed Renesmee and Embry to the Jeep. He leaned on the side like Embry had before, and talked to her until the parking lot was virtually empty. She found out where he had been: Up on the roof of the school with Iliana, teaching her the basics of attending Highschool. Because of her lifelong illness, she had been homeschooled for her own health, and so she knew absolutely nothing about fitting in with a regular school environment. Because of this, Jake had spent his entire school day except for his last class sitting on ancient black roof-shingles, teaching Iliana about using water fountains and raising her hand to ask a question. Apparently, she had been eager to learn, and Jake figured that by tomorrow, he would be able to take her to all of her classes. For the obvious reason, he had needed to duplicate his schedule for Iliana, so she took all of his classes, at all the same times as he did. That, he explained, was so he could watch her all day, to make sure she did okay. Renesmee kept her face smooth and casual; she could think up ten reasons on the spot why she shouldn't care about this fact. But...well....she did. So she had to make sure _Jake_ didn't see that. She made herself smile, and she said "I hope you guys do okay with everything she needs to learn." At that moment, she sensed eyes on her face, eyes other than Jake's. Stiffening, the hair on the back of her neck went up, and she looked to her left out of the corner of her eye.

All the way across the lot, leaning up against a Sea Blue SaturnSky, was Iliana. She had her arms crossed nochalantly, and her big emerald eyes were staring at Renesmee with open curiousity. Her hair was waving down her back and shoulders, shining like white gold in the sunlight. She kept repeatedly scuffing one old white tennis shoe against the concrete, as if she were almost....uncomfortable. And she was assessing Renesmee with an odd type of scrutiny that made her strangely uneasy.

Not easily intimidated, Renesmee turned to face Iliana at once, looking at her squarely, and Iliana's haunting green eyes were met with blazing fox colored ones. The heat in Renesmee's gaze burned away all of Iliana's creepy energy, and Renesmee found it all too easy to give Iliana the same brilliant smile she had been giving Jake all day. From Iliana's slight alteration of expression, she realized with a pang of regret that because of her burning eyes, the smile probably looked savage and terrifying, rather than happy and open. She sheepishly ducked her head, and returned her gaze to Jake's. "Guess you have to go now, right? You're ride is waiting for you." She watched as his expression went from smiling to wistfully regretful, and he said "Yeah, I guess I better go now. See ya later, Ness." He looked once around the parking lot that was now empty save for them and Iliana, and then swiftly enveloped her in another quick, crushing hug. 'I'll miss you," he said softly as he stepped back.

"Not as much as I'll miss you."

Jacon Black stiffened as if he had been hit by an electric current, and suddenly, Renesmee just couldn't look at him, couldn't find it in herself to look up into his face. So she simply turned around, got into her Jeep, and put the keys in the ignition. She turned the key, revved the engine, and pulled out of the parking lot as fast as she could. Right before she turned the corner of the school and the parking lot went out of sight, she mustered up the courage to look in her rear-view mirror. Her best friend was standing exactly where she had left him, and he was watching the Jeep drive away. Even from that distance, Renesmee's eyes could see the unfathomable expression in his dark eyes. And then she turned the corner, and the lot was gone.

On the way home, she contemplated everything she had to do that day at home. For starters, she had to dig up her cell phone, because she had lost it somewhere in her disaster site of a room. Or was it in the den? She shrugged. Either way, she was going to have to clean her room. Then she had to take a shower. Cook herself some food. Then, before she could actually _eat it_, she was going to have to talk to Jasper about....what he knew. An uneasy roll of her stomach proved Renesmee's theory of why she had to eat _after_ the conference with Jasper; she was going to be so sick with nervousness and anxiety, it would defenitely be best if there was no food in her stomach to potentially lose. As she sped down the road that led to her winding, hidden driveway, she checked the digital clock next to the first-class stereo in the dashboard. The clock read 2:50 PM, and she nodded her glossy head in satisfaction. Plenty of time to get everything together before she had to talk to Jasper. The front tires of the Jeep hit her driveway at that moment, and she made her way precisely through all the twists and turns that she knew like the back of her hand.

When she finally drove up to the Cullen estate, she took a moment to stare admiringly at her home. Thanks to Esme, it was as beautiful as it always was, complete with the soft white paint, square proportionings, wrap-around porch, and the meadow that was currently full of buttercups and freesia. She pulled into the underground garage, and parked Emmett's Jeep. Then she gracefully danced her way to the door before flitting inside. The door opened up to a staircase, and she ran up the steps that opened out into the room down the hall from the kitchen. She walked calmly through the kitchen, dropping her bag onto the back of a different chair than it had been on that morning. She bent down, and slipped the twin knives out of her boots, setting them on the kitchen table. She would sharpen and polish them later that night. Then she pulled off the boots and fished a hair band out of a jar on the counter. Pulling her hair up into a big messy bun, she padded out of the kitchen and into the main room to find her family.

Her parents eyes were warm as they inquired about her day, asked if she had homework, and had she seen Jacob. She answered the questions more easily than she thought she would have been able to, and she found that her stomach didn't twist with guilt when she looked into her mother's chocolate brown eyes. _Because it's better that I keep what happened from them. Better for them not to know what I'm going through over a boy. Especially THIS boy. I don't need them worrying about me any more than they already do. And if they found out about the episode in the meadow... _Renesmee inwardly shuddered at the consequence of the scenario. _I'm so glad Alice thinks her visions are so subjective._ That was when she saw her father's golden eyes questioningly searching hers, and with a small inward sigh, she let up her barrier wall, and welcomed her father into her mind.

_~Renesmee, why have you been blocking me out so much lately? Is something going on?~_

_~Nothing is going on, Daddy. I'm a teenager. I want my privacy. You know, now that I'm older, I really don't want my dad inside my head when I'm thinking about bras or boys or how bad my period is.~_

His thoughts were silent for a moment, and then she heard a surprised _~Oh. Well then, I guess I'll give you your privacy as much as I can from now on. Wait a minute.....Boys!? There had better NOT be boys, Renesmee Carlie Cullen!!!~_

Renesmee felt a wry smile stretch across her full lips as she replied _~Don't worry, Dad. I'm not quite THERE yet.~_

_~You'd better NOT be.~_

The smile stretched into a grin as she thought _~Well, maybe....~_

_~Renesmee, do you WANT to spend the next century grounded in your room?~_

_~Okay, I'm sorry! Joke, joke! Yeesh.~_

_~I don't find it amusing.~_

_~I can SEE that.~_

_~Renesmee.~_

_~Sorry Dad.~_

After one last quick debrief on how her day had gone to the rest of her family in exchange to how they'res were, Renesmee ran upstairs to clean her room and find her phone, the first thing on her to-do list. She ran up to her third floor loft, and threw open the dark wood door. She cringed at the sight of her room; it really _was_ gross, compared to what it usually looked like. Her huge white fourposter was unmade, the curtains hanging free and unstylishly around the bedframe. Sweaters, papers, books, jewellery, and her sleek black hand-size Ipod were laying on the floor. She knew that the DustBunnies were probably rising up in a Dominican under her bed, with a bunch of other random crap as they're witnesses. So she drew upon her inner Alice, and set to work cleaning. She started with under her bed. She bravely dusted out all the huge fluffy gray balls of mite matter, and pulled the books, papers, and hidden bag of chips out from under the bed where she had stashed them months before. Needless to say, the chips went into the trash. Then she neatly made her bed with her soft white comforters and big, pretty pillows. To keep herself in an active, cleaning mood, she grabbed her silver radio and her Ipod-speaker, and hooked up the song "Something In Your Mouth" by Nickelback. She turned the music up until she could feel the vibrations in the floor coming up through her feet, and then she set to work. She tripped lightly back to the bed and tied the curtains surrounding it to it's four elaborately carved posts with huge, fancy, feminine bow-knots that Alice had shown her how to do. Then, as an after-thought, she ran to her cluttered desk, threw open a drawer, and fished around until she found a length of lacy, pure black ribbon. She broke it off at four equal lengths, and then expertly wove the black, beautiful fabric in with the pretty white bows. This made the bed-posts look some-what gothic, and Renesmee nodded in satisfaction. She had always had her own unique style; she didn't walk, talk, or dress like anyone else she knew. And she liked this look, this new sort of Angel/Devil edge. It was pretty, but hard. _Just like my entire family, _she thought with sardonic humor.

She then moved on to the floor. She picked up every piece of dirty laundry, and threw it in the laundry chute to the basement that was hidden in the side of her small walk-in closet. Then she ran around the room, picking up all the stray pieces of paper and books. A few poems, a lot of random doodles she had drawn on the rare occasions where she was actually bored. With a sigh, she shoved it all in another drawer out of sight, and then reached for the first piece of jewellery she could reach. By the time her wooden floor was clean, she looked at the alarm clock and saw that it read 3:23 PM. Time to do the desk. She walked over to it, and stared at it's dark wood mass for a moment, assessing. Then she just shrugged and grabbed the first perfume bottle. She arranged the bottles of hairspray, perfume and body spray she barely ever used, and then her brush. Next her hair straightener, and hair crimper that she NEVER used, and then she rifled through her big basket of make-up that was mostly used only by Leah.

After that, she assessed her room as clean. So it really bugged her when she realized that her slim black Razr Cellphone was nowhere to be seen. But it was getting a bit too late for that; the alarm clock was choosing now to spite her with the numbers 3:45 PM. It was time take a shower. She grabbed a change of clothes consisting of red flannel-check pajama pants and a brown spaghetti-strap tank top. Then, just because she felt like it, she grabbed her slippers that looked like little plush brown bears. She grabbed the shampoo she used, which was orange and smelled like Orchids, as well as Southern Peach body wash. Renesmee had always loved these particular scents, so she made it a point to shop for them whenever she went to the Fork's Variety Store. Leaving Nickelback blaring in her room, she padded down the hallway, and then down the stairs to the second floor, where the bathroom was. She closed and locked the white wooden door behind her, and placed her things on the silvery-white marble counter beside her. She walked across the white and silver tiled floor to the walk-in shower, opened a cupboard door beside it, and took out a large dark grey towel. Then she hung it on the counter with her pajamas, peeled off her clothes, and jumped into the shower. She turned up the hot water, and let her durable skin feel the temperature of the burning water; it was much hotter than Jacob's skin against her own, and for just a few moments, the temperature was almost painful. Then she quickly started to wash her hair with the orchid shampoo. Her insides were already starting to twist; she was just barely avoiding becoming a complete nervous wreck. She was scared to talk to Jasper, actually frightened. She didn't want to hear what he would possibly say, didn't want to see the look on his face when she asked him not to tell Alice. She had to do this, and she had to do it _tonight_. But she wasn't at all ready.

She hurriedly finished up in the shower, turned off the scalding hot water and walked out of the frost~patterned glass walls of the shower stall. She rubbed herself down with the big towel, and then pulled her hair up into a giant, absurd looking towel-twist. She hopped into the PJ pants and brown tank top, and carried her slippers out of the room as she left the bathroom and raced back up the stairs to her room. When she got there, she turned the blaring music off. She lovingly placed her slippers next to her bed, and then took the towel out of her hair. With a huge sigh, she let her shoulders slump as the worry took a sound grip on her. _There's no turning back now. Do what you have to, Renesmee. _Something a bit sharper than her usual scolding came into her mind, something drier and less patient than her usual attitude towards herself. _You're the Iron Lotus, for God's sake. And the Iron Lotus ISN'T scared of her own uncle. Even if he IS one of the scariest vampires on the planet, and you're about to ask him to keep secrets from his wife, who he loves more than anything else in the world. No problem. I should be perfectly calm._

Feeling a little bit hysterical, Renesmee headed all the way down the stairs to make her early dinner. She came into the kitchen, and she immediately grabbed a pot from a cupboard and threw some water in it. Then she placed it on the in-built counter top stove, and turned on the burner under it to full heat. She stood there, waiting for the water to boil.

Just as the first bubbles were starting to come up, she heard a very soft, subtle step in the doorway. She whirled around, and was only mildly surprised to find her Uncle Emmett standing there in the doorway, looking at her with a big grin on his face. "What'cha up to, kiddo?" He sounded light and energetic; gently inquiring. She tried not to show that she had nearly died from fright at the prospect of it being Jasper; she forced a smile onto her own face, and her voice was harmoniously cheerful. 'Oh, hey Uncle Emmett." She leaned up against the counter casually, and he came to join her. "I'm just making myself some dinner. I'm really not in the mood to go hunting tonight. What are _you_ up to?" He looked down at her and gave her a pirate grin as he replied "I actually have nothing to do. Rose is leaving with Alice to go shopping in about ten minutes, so until she gets back, I was planning on just sort of....hanging out with the family." Renesmee tried not to look joyous as she poured a packet of ramen noodles into the now steadily boiling water; Rosalie and Alice were leaving. Which meant less of a chance that she and Jasper would be overheard. She was especially glad Alice would be gone, so that there was no chance that she would get dragged into the situation while Renesmee was trying to explain it to Jasper in order to keep her secret. She made her voice calm and normal as she replied "Oh, okay. In that case, I'm thinking you should go hit up the books in Grandpa Carlisle's library, maybe learn a thing or two." She flitted with invisible speed across the kitchen to reach for a stirring spoon for the noodles, and she was back at the counter in time to stick it in the pot and then watch Emmett wink and say 'Aw, hun, you know I'm not for the reading. I'm thinking maybe I'll bug Edward until we think up something to do with our freetime." Renesmee focused on nodding and looking casually interested as she grabbed a handful of porkstrips, and some oriental flavouring. As she threw them into the water and stirred with the spoon, she asked "Do you have any idea what they're going out to shop for?"

Emmett got a mischievious twinkle in his eye as he replied somewhat mysteriously 'Well kid, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be telling you this, but...I'd say there's a really good chance they're out getting something for you." At first, Renesmee could only look slightly exasperated as she focused on cutting up a leek; what could her aunts possibly have thought of to buy her that they handn't already gotten her? So she nearly dropped the bits of green onto the floor and not _into _the pot when he whispered dramatically "Something to do with you....and Jacob Black." She whirled around to face her uncle with the sharp knife still in her hand, and she took note that he actually backed up a step. "_What?_" Her voice no longer sounded calm, or nochalant, or casual. It sounded panicked. 'What do you mean?" He chuckled, a bassing, throaty sound. 'Now _that_, Nessie, I _can't_ tell you."

Renesmee felt a lump the size of a baseball try to choke her as she asked "Why won't anyone answer my questions about Jake around here?" Her uncle could hear the distinct change in her tone as she said the words, and she was struggling to keep back sudden tears of frustration as she turned off the heat and reached for the spoon and the bowl she had laid out. His voice was slow and thoughtful as he replied "Because, Nessie. It's not our bit to tell." His eyes shimmered with what looked like remorse as he continued. "And besides, that would be going against what your mo-" He seemed to snap his jaw shut, closing off the unformed words and sealing them away so they couldn't escape. 'Nevermind," he muttered, ducking his head.

Renesmee had been filling the bowl full of her ramen as he spoke, and now she was angry enough that she stabbed her chop-sticks into the pile as she snapped "Gee, thanks, Emmett. That's a great help." His chuckle was sad as he replied "Hey, kid. Don't get mad at me. Get mad at how completely unfair this is to both of you." And then- just like that- Emmett was gone. Renesmee let out a noise of frustration as she carried the food to the table. _Why is this happening to me? Why can't I know my own RELATIONSHIPS? Why can't I-_ Her angry thought ranting was cut short when she looked at the clock. It read 5:08 PM. And she knew with dreaded anticipation. It was time to talk to Jasper. Cold, iron dread fell into the bottom of her stomach, instantly resuming it's place of residence before she had talked to Emmett. She was completely afraid again. _What will he say?_

It was the only thought running through her head as she stood in front of her uncle's bedroom door a couple minutes later. Her small hands were clasped together in a knot; her hair had dried, and it now hung in beautiful soft ringlets down her back as she stood there in the hall, too afraid to knock. She was wearing the bear slippers. She felt like she would die. She felt like she couldn't do this, no matter _who_ she had become over the last three years. Just as she was about to turn and flee from the hall to her room up the stairs, the door opened, and her uncle was standing there. 'Come in," he said in a low voice. 'I know why you're here." Forcing her legs to move, she walked into her uncle's grand bedroom. He didn't waste time; he gestured invitingly to the bed. She sat on the end gingerly, and then simply looked up at him. Looking into his expectant golden eyes, she had no idea how to start. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know- 'Renesmee, why are you so _scared_ of me?" She was both startled and relieved at her uncle's urgent outburst. She was startled that he could tell, although she should have known he would be able to feel her fear. And relieved that he had started for her.

'Well, I guess it's because....I don't know how to ask," she admitted in a whisper. 'I don't know how to ask what I need of you. It doesn't feel right." He only looked at her as he said simply "The meadow incident." She nodded, and whispered "Yes." His brow furrowed as he said 'And you ask that I don't tell anyone. Even....Alice. Because....you are concerned for them?" He sounded as if he were actually considering it, so she took an earnest leap forward. 'I'm so, SO sorry to ask this of you, uncle Jasper. But they can't _ever_ find out. The results would be catastrophic. I need to deal with this by myself, for once. And, since you're the only one I can't hide this from....I need you to play the game, too. I need you to keep the secret, so we can keep them safe from harm. I wouldn't want to hurt our family, and that's the only reason I haven't told them everything. So, please....just help me hide this, until I can deal with it on my own." She looked up hopefully into her uncle's eyes with her large fox colored ones. She hoped and prayed with all her might that he saw her side of the situation. It was quiet for a moment as he contemplated, and when he answered, his voice was slow and thoughtful. "For the sake of they're minds.....I'll help you keep the secret. Even if it means lying. Even if it means lying....to Alice." The last aprt was a pianed whisper, and Renesmee felt a stab of hideous pain and self-loathing. By protecting they're family, she was asking Jasper to hurt silently along with her. And it was horrible of her.

_But he's agreeing to hurt with you._

Without thinking it through, Renesmee felt one tiny hand lift in the air, stretching out to Jasper. 'To keep the family safe, I promise to bear this secret," she whispered. They're eyes were solemn as he looked at her hand, and then raised his own. He pushed his much larger hand to hers and whispered 'To protect this family, I promise to bear this secret."


	9. Keeping Busy

_**This next chapter is going to be a bit less detailed, in order for the impression of time passing to take place. Please R&R, and if you have any concerns, questions etc, ask. Angel Out ~Hearts~**_

Renesmee was lying in her bed in shock. It was 9:12 PM on Tuesday night, and everything was just starting to become clear to her. About four hours ago, she had sat in front of her uncle Jasper and asked him to keep a major secret from they're entire family- and he had agreed to it. A small smile came across her face as she remembered the events of the evening. Alice and Rosalie had left for they're shopping expedition a few minutes before Renesmee had dared to approach her uncle. Then she recieved one of the greatest shocks of her life when he said yes. Which, she later realized, had been very risky on his part anyway. A lot of luck had been on they're side. Firstly, they had been lucky enough not to have Alice get a vision of what they were doing, which was pure chance. Secondly, Emmett had actually saved them unintentionally from Edward's mindreading-he had done just as he said he would, and had convinced Renesmee's father to go hunting, out of mind-shot from Renesmee and Jasper. As far as Renesmee was concerned, the fact that they had pulled this off could only mean one thing.  
It had been done for a reason.  
After her uncle had sworn to keep her secret with her, she had gotten up to leave the room. As she turned around to thank him, she saw that he was standing there next to her, holding a slim black object in his hand out to her. As soon as she recognized it, a huge grin covered her face- it was her Razr Phone. _How does Jasper DO things like that? _Five minutes later, she was down in the kitchen eating her Ramen, phone next to her on the table, feeling the most relieved she had felt in days that she no longer had to worry about Jasper and her secret. As long as they were careful....they were all set. Then, as she was washing the empty bowl a little while later in one of the wide double sinks, her phone had started playing the song 'Truth Or Dare", by Garden State. It was her TextTone for Jake. In an instant, she had flitted across the kitchen and picked up the phone. She read the words written on the screen.  
_~Hey Ness. Just writing this to promise you that I'll be seeing you everyday at school, like I usually do. Iliana isn't going to change anything, I promise. I'm just going to help her, and then everything can go back to normal. So, I'll see you tomorrow. Love, Jake.~_ With a smile on her perfect lips, Renesmee had tapped the keys on her phone with quick, sharp fingers to form a reply. _~Hiya, Jake. Thanks for the message! I was starting to wonder if you had forgotten me. ;) *laughs* just kidding, Jake. I'll see you tomorrow, first thing, if I can find you. Love, Nessie.~_

With a short sigh, she put the phone back on the table. Why were her emotions so mixed? She knew that of course she could trust Jake. He had always been there for her in the past, no matter what it was she needed. And it was a known fact that Jacob Black had _always_ been punctuality challenged. _Not with me._

UGH! Suddenly she felt like screaming in annoyance and anguish. She had no reason to doubt Jake, absolutely none. He was the most faithful of all her friends, her peers, her elders. And she could tell him things that she wouldn't dare share with her family. So _why _did she feel this way all of a sudden? Had the strange light in Iliana's eyes scared her that badly? It was under the warm lights of the grand, elaborate kitchen of the Cullen estate, drowning in a swirling torrent of her own fierce and sudden panicked indecisions, that Renesmee Carlie Cullen randomly reached out with her mind. And hit the clear, solid ground of resolution. It enveloped her entire conciousness with it's gentle strength, sweeping her right out of the spiralling, seemingly skchitzofrenic terror and blundering uncertainty she had worked herself into. And in this new, clear state of mind she had been pushed into, everything became extremely simple. What she had with Jake was one of a kind, irreplaceable, and most of all, unbreakable. And although they're realtionship in it'self confused her, and although she didn't at all understand it, she knew that Iliana could never effect it. And now, the most important thing for her to do was to just continue on being his friend. To never doubt him, and let him know every second of the way that she believed in him. To suck it up, stop complaining, and to cast out every shadow from every corner of her crystal-faceted mind. What she had to do now was trust.

The calm, clear peacefulness untangled itsself from her as soon as it had wrapped itsself around her, but it took the terror she had been drowning in with it. She was left with a tender, absolutely unquestionable happiness that seemed to generate from the very center of her chest, and radiate from there, to the crown of her glorious head and the tips of her elfin toes. Cheerful, and full of a new sun-burst energy that re-charged every nerve-ending in her body, she set out with a smile on her face to scrub the entire kitchen spotless. Apparently, her happiness had tripped some alarms, because while she was focused on scrubbing down the face of the fiber-glass oven, her Razr Phone chimed out the TextTone "Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park; her Uncle Jasper. Still smiling, she once again flitted over to her phone. Once it was in her hand, she read a text that made her smile widen to almost twice it's width, so wide that her unusually long and delicately sharp incensors shone under the kitchen lights. _~Renesmee Cullen. Just now, I suddenly felt that all the world was completely bright and wonderful, and utterly without flaw. May I ask what we're suddenly so disturbingly over-joyed about?~ _Quickly, she replied. _~My eyes just flew wiiiiide open, Uncle Jazz. You could say that the blind girl has just simultaneously been given sight, and then introduced to the Taj Mahal.~ _She only got a few moments to abstractedly hum to herself before the song chimed again, and she read what her Uncle had written. _~Hmmmm. I'm starting to think that maybe we SHOULD have killed the Black child when we had the alibi.~ ~Please don't go there, Uncle Jazz.~ ~Sorry.~_

Still smiling and humming, she went back to her work.

After the kitchen looked so clean it could have been in a commercial for cleaning supplies, Renesmee had bid what members of her family that were present goodnight, and had walked up to her room at a blissfully slow, unworried pace. She had fallen into her giant white bed, and then admired the gothic black lace hanging from the pretty twisting knots holding the curtains aside. After some time, her sorrel gaze had drifted towards the ceiling. And now she was back to the present moment. Deep within her, two currents of emotion flowed like living electric currents throughout her entire body, running side by side, and always directly parallel. The first was shock at her accomplishment. The second was that undescribable happiness that had engulfed her mind only hours beforehand. If she listened hard within herself, she could actually _hear_ the two emotions zinging through her, a gentle, harmonious humming that made peace steal through her once more. It made all her limbs feel langourously detached, and it wasn't long before her eyes were closing themselves. For the first time in a long time, Renesmee didn't fight against them.

The days passed very quickly for Renesmee after that. Every day at school she would see Jake, hang out with the rest of her friends as well, complete her classes, and then go home in Emmett's Jeep. Most of the time, Jacob would follow her home in his Rabbit, and he would stay at the Cullen's house for a while until he had to go back to La Push, where Iliana and the rest of the pack were waiting for him. From there, Renesmee would busy herself with her latest strange hobby: Cleaning. Within the first week of October, the entire Cullen estate was so clean it sparkled, and she was still going. She had cleaned every single room in the house, even her parents, much to her father's surprise. She had continued to block him all the time, and she knew that Jasper was doing something much the same. When she stopped to think about it, she realized that her only worry as of late was about her uncle. As day after day passed, she would catch him looking at Alice with little tortured glances, and on more than one occasion, and seemingly for no reason at all, Alice's brow would suddenly furrow with cloudy confusion, and her Uncle would stiffen and his face would twist in pain as if he had been branded. Then he would jump up and bolt from the room. Right from the beggining, Renesmee had been able to see that it was harder to keep the secret for her uncle than it was for her. Because while she was keeping it from her family, _he_ was keeping it from his family, as well as the love of his life. Who, if he let his guard down at the wrong moment, would see everything. A strange pang that was somewhere between pain and an outward tugging sensation flashed in her chest when she thought about Jasper's love for Alice. _The love of his life. _Renesmee didn't understand what it would feel like to have a counterpart, another half. She didn't have one of her own, so how could she understand the pain Jasper was going through? All she could do was watch him get whipped by his own conscience day by day, and day by day take it with more silence and bravery than she could have asked him for. And day by day, that one small worry kept on getting bigger and bigger, as her uncle's own pain mounted as well.

Then there was Iliana. For a couple of weeks now, Renesmee had been showing up at La Push to watch her best friends teach this girl to shift her shape. And she was showing a lot of potential, a lot of raw talent. It was obvious to everyone that Iliana had shifting in her blood. She had made it to the point where she could make an explosion like an imploding star, and in the strange glowing light around her, they could catch a glimpse of her shifted shape. However, before any of them could really make the animal out, she would revert back to a small human girl with long blonde hair and wide, elated emerald eyes. No one knew what the animal was, not even her. And there was something strange about the light that engulfed her whenever she shifted- Renesmee's superior eyesight couldn't pierce through it, as it could with any _normal_ harshly glaring light. And the werewolves were having about as much success as she was.

Renesmee stuck to her resolution, pouring all her faith, support, and belief into Jacob whenever they were together. Which was often. And each day, she saw that strange, unfathomable shine in his dark eyes grow more pronounced. They're relationship was growing more confusing, but also more special to her, with every day that passed. And her family still remained maddeningly secretive about it. They wouldn't tell her anything more about Jake's strange behaviour than they did at the beggining, giving her vague answers to her attemptively nochalant questions.

And to fill in the last unoccupied hours in her schedule, Renesmee was spending time with a new friend she had just met. Standing at about the same height as the rest of the La Push boys, with the same course black hair and tanned, muscled physique, Seth Clearwater made Renesmee feel as if she had known him for as long as she had known any of the others. But there was something different about Seth, about his personality, that wasn't in any of the other's minds. Something about his booming laughter, his enourmous grins, his frequently given hugs, and his inability to go through a single day without breaking something with his clumsiness that set him aside from the rest of his pack. Every other member was graceful, and they all seemed to share the same dry humor. They gave hugs when the time was right, and they laughed at a regular noise decibel, and not one that was liable to shatter an ear drum._ He's different, all right. _Still, despite his eccentricity that normally would have greatly annoyed her, she found herself growing closer to him, getting fonder.....getting attached. Seth was like a constantly dripping water tap, or a singing bird, or a sunny spring afternoon. He was always there for her, and when she was away from Jake and the guys and Leah and her family and Emily, he went with her wherever she went, filling the silences with easy chatter, always with a smile on his face whenever she looked his way. Whenever she _would _have been lonely and wanting a friend, he was right beside her. She slowly found herself growing dependant on him for his sunny chatter, his thoughtful stares and shine-down smiles. She found life passing more quickly and more easily than ever before with him to fill up the empty hours. Night and Day sped by, one after another, like the steps of a seamlessly flawless dance, and before she knew it, it was Halloween.

The night of October 31st was a cool, windy dry one, much to everyone's surprise. Renesmee, Paul, Embry, Jacob, Leah, Seth, and Quil had all been planning to go together, but at the last minute they had to incorporate Iliana into they're plans. It was Jacob who insisted that she come along, because she didn't really have any other friends, and because he wanted to keep an eye on her as much as he could while she was in the "Unstable Stage." Everyone had agreed pretty readily, until they were all staring at Renesmee, the only one who hadn't spoken. Jacob's gaze was the one she saw the most distinctly, his black eyes burning into hers with open earnest. _If you don't want to do this, I'll make her stay home._ And he really meant it, too.

At first, she was tempted. She wanted her to stay at home, while they went Trick-Or-Treating like they did every year. She didn't want to have to include her, and try to pretend that it wasn't awkward. But then she remembered her resolution, and the moment she payed the slightest attention to it, it zinged through her body with such strength and force that she couldn't question it. It was like the night she had laid in her bed, and the two currents of energy had taken up all the space in her body until it was an experience beyond explaining. She had to trust him. So she returned her straying fox-colored gaze to his burning black one, and in a voice that was soft with meaning, she said "I think we should let her come, too. I'm sure it will be fun. Let's go get her. Then we'll get our costumes from Jake's place, and head out. C'mon." She handed Jake the keys to her Jeep, and jumped in the passenger side. "You're driving," she called. He just shook his head and silently grinned as he climbed up into the driver's side. The rest of the gang piled into the back, and Jacob stomped on the gas pedal, pealing out of the parking lot of The Lodge, where they had been drinking Milkshakes.

After a drive about ten minutes long, they pulled up to a pretty, old-fashioned light blue house with mint green curtains in every window, a flowerbox overflowing with perennials underneath each one, and a green lawn that had been assaulted by Garden Gnomes. Renesmee had never been here before, and as soon as they pulled into the driveway, her eyes took note of every tiny detail they saw. Which was _every_ detail. Jake put the car in park, and then the both of them walked up the sidewalk path and to her front door. They heard the deep, gritty buzz that resonated throughout the house when Jake pushed the doorbell. A few moments passed, and then the door was opened- by a Greek Goddess. Iliana was wearing a white, knee-length tunic laced with golden ribbons around the cinched waist. There was a wreath of golden leaves and flowers in her long blonde hair, and she wore heavy gold bangles on both wrists. She had classic leather lace up sandals on her tiny feet. It only took them a moment to invite her to go along with them, and soon she was calling out to her parents, telling them where she was going and that she would be back later. When they had walked back to the Jeep, they weere faced with a dilemma. There were actually only two seats in the Jeep, and between four La Push boys and Leah, the back was pretty much claimed. There was nowhere for one to sit. Jake's voice was dismayed as he voiced the obvious, and Iliana just looked up at him with those wide, innocent eyes. "What do we do now, Jake?" She asked in a sweet, airy voice. Jake shrugged and motioned helplessly with his hands. He didn't know. That was when Renesmee got the idea. As soon as she thought of it, every fibre of her being recoiled from it. She didn't want to leave Jake alone, not when she didn't have to. She didn't want to be alone, without anyone, without even Seth to keep her company. She didn't..........she didn't want to leave him alone with _her._

_Trust him._

She made herself speak up, with the resolution strong in her chest. "I know how to do this." Jacob looked at her incredulously. "How? Are you gonna sit on somebody?" She gave him a devillish grin that she enjoyed almost _too_ much as she replied "No. I'm going to ride on the roof."

Jake couldn't argue with her for long, and soon she was clinging to the roof rack with graceful, iron strength, hearing the chatter of the gang in the back and the rush of the wind in her ears all around her. They were headed for the Black house, and in a few minutes she felt her Jeep slowing down, and coming to a stop. She gracefully leapt off the roof, and landed almost on the porch, not in the mood to walk regularly across the grassy lawn. Jacob was the first one to spring onto the porch with her, his shaggy hair windblown from the open window of the Jeep, and his eyes worried and reproachful. "You shouldn't have ridden on the roof. Someone could have seen you. You could have fallen off, you could have gotten hurt-" Both of them knew that the "Getting hurt" part was impossible, and there was something like hysteria mounting in his voice. She used one small hand to cover his broad mouth to keep him from saying anything else, and then she used the other one to fix his chin length, completely messed up hair. "Calm down, I'm fine, Jake. See? Not a scratch." She gave him an evil smirk and her sorrel eyes were mischeivious as she snickered "Besides, it was the only way that made sense. What were we gonna do, make _her_ ride on the roof?" The look on his face told her that he wanted to shake her until her eyes rolled, but instead of sticking around long enough to let him, she turned around and opened the front door of his house. The others followed them inside, and in a matter of minutes, they were all standing in front of the mirror in the main bathroom. Embry was a pirate, with the ragged clothing, the patch, the hook, _and _the fake parrot. He had a real sword in his leather scabbard. _Like you would even NEED that sword, Em. _Rolling her eyes, she moved on to Leah. She hadn't been very inventive; she was wearing a red silk dress and a tiara. A princess. _It's......just so _Leah. Smiling, she scanned on through the rest of the group. Quil was Obi-Wan Kenobi, with a cloak made of brown burlap and even a lightsaber and fake beard. Paul was the Terminator......_Of course. _Seth was the world's most accident-prone James Bond, and Jake was a six foot five Jail Bird. Renesmee didn't have to look at her reflection to know what she looked like. A black velvet floor-length dress with a deep V neck, an inky black cape with a high collar, black eye make-up. And fake blood dripping down one corner of her ruby-red mouth, from her Not-So-Fake fangs. She supposed that in a way, she was the very least imaginative of them all, because she basically wasn't even changing who she was that night. Because even though she looked like the Hollywood version at the moment, and not the actual thing, the idea hadn't changed. She was going as a vampire.

The night was actually enjoyable, once they set out. About halfway through the night's journey, they decided to split off into pairs. Jake and Renesmee didn't have to point out that they were partners; Leah swooped down on Iliana as intervention, and then everyone was gone, Embry with Quil, Paul with Seth, Leah with Iliana, and Jake with Renesmee. After that, things were just sort of instinctive. With her resolution running strong through her veins, she looked up at Jake while her tiny hand reached for his enourmous one. He must have been reaching too, because they're hands clasped together in the middle, and then they were walking, the only ones on that entire street, with the silvery full moon shining down on them, and the wind whispering through the giant trees. The tiny gorgeous vampire who wasn't incognito, holding the six foot five Jailor's hand.

That was the last night they had to be together, before everything blew up.

On the first of November, it was Quil Ateara Senior who sat down Renesmee, Quil, Paul, Leah, Embry, and Seth, and told them all that until Iliana shifted, they weren't allowed to see Jake anymore. It was cold that morning, bitterly cold, and the sky promised early snowfall. But Renesmee wasn't chilled by the weather. What put goosebumps on her skin and a shiver down her spine were the words that came out of the old man's mouth. "She is at her most unstable stage, and Jacob has to keep a constant watch on her. He has to teach her how to make the final step. As soon as she shifts, we'll let you see him, but until then, it isn't safe for you _or_ her to come into contact with eachother. We're going to have to ask you to stay away until then. I'm sorry."

When he had finished speaking, Paul had had to hold Renesmee back from tearing the man's face off, and then _she_ had had to hold _Paul_ back, and then Quil was holding them _both_ back, locked in the steel grip of his arms. At first, Renesmee put up a pretty good fight; she even sank her long, unpoisonous fangs into Quil's forearm. Then she saw the eternally sorrowful look on Quil Ateara Senior's face, and all of a sudden she was sobbing and whimpering Jake's name over and over again and Paul was howling and trembling from head to toe and Quil was holding them instead of restraining them. The rest of the gang had dumbfounded expressions on they're faces. She broke down all the way and really started to howl then, and Paul put his shaking arms around her and cried with her. _JakeJakeJakeJakeJakeJake........._Somewhere in the process of trying not to lose her mind at the sudden loss of her best friend right then and there, her eyes closed, and her precise conciousness left her. Through her extended senses, she felt someone pick her up and carry her away from the scene, where everybody was yelling at the Circle Elder in angry, booming voices. The only one she didn't hear was Embry, so she knew that he was the one carrying her. Of course. She felt a drop of wetness hit her cheek, and she knew that it was him crying. She heard him talking on the phone to someone, and then he mentioned 'Coming to get her." So she knew he must be talking to Jasper. Then Embry started to scare her with words like "Catatonic" and "Really not responding." She wanted to wake up, but she didn't feel like she was asleep. She felt like she was dead. Dead, and terrified. Jake, they had taken Jake away from her. She wasn't allowed to see him. And he couldn't come to see her. Her best friend.......Iliana had her best friend. Iliana.....had.....him....... And suddenly she wasn't dead. She wasn't terrified. She wasn't catatonic. Her eyes sprang open, and she was out of Embry's arms and streaking down the dirt road like a bullet from a gun. Before he had even called out to her, she was around the first corner and out of sight.

She was running faster than she had ever ran before, and she was at Iliana's house in about two minutes. She raced right to the door, reached out a small, pale hand for the door knob- and a hand like titanium wrenched hers back. Another arm like a band of steel wrapped around her waist, and then they were at the opposite end of the yard. She didn't struggle very much; she was tired of hurting people close to her. And the person that now had her pinned to the ground was Sam Uley. "I'm sorry, Nessie," he said in his slow, deep voice. "This isn't right. It's sick. You should be allowed to see eachother. This isn't good for either of you...." He pressed his lips more firmly together. "But you can't. It would be too dangerous for you. And for her. Only the Alpha can help her now." Renesmee was so confused by his statements that all of her insane strength and speed that she was going to use to break in abruptly left her body, and she felt more human then vampire as she whispered up to him "So it's true then? I really can't see him?" His face was even more pained, even _more_ saddened as he had to nod in confirmation, making her worst nightmare her reality.

"He lied to me. He said this wouldn't change things. He said everything would be fine. _He lied to me!!!!!_"

Her steel strength returned in a white-hot burst as she shoved Sam off of her, breaking his pin-hold. She got up somewhat unsteadily, and, trembling like a leaf in a winter wind, she shook her head. She could hear herself gasping wildly as air wooshed in and out of her lungs. The force of her pain and betrayal was doing it's best to flatten and crush every organ in her body, including her heart. When she spoke again, her voice was no more than a broken whisper. "_He lied to me._"

In an instant, Sam's face showed the utmost shock. "No, Renesmee! That's not it at all! He would never purposely leave you! He didn't want to be seperated from you! He didn't know-"

"Save it, Sam." Her voice was a harsh snarl now, and she felt her small hands curl into fists even as her broken body crumpled in on itsself, her shoulders sagged, and she almost doubled over as the grief tried to eat her alive. "Just save it. I'm going home."

_**Sorry this took so long everyone, I've had vicious writer's block. But thank you for the reviews, and I would appreciate more. Thanks, Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	10. Away From Me

_**Okay people, this is a very emotional and vague chapter, to give you the feeling of what it was like inside Renesmee's head that day. R&R, IT MAKES YOU PRETTIER! =P **_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_

Renesmee felt one hundred percent human as she walked slowly back to her house with the cold mist curling around her ankles. One hundred percent human, and one hundred percent heart-broken.

_What had happened?_ Jake had been there. They had been inseperable. They had done just short of everything together. And now he was just.....gone. Gone with barely an explanation, and defenitely not any kind of goodbye. Completely without warning, he had left her. She thought that maybe now she knew how her mother had felt when her father Edward had left her and gone to Italy. But her father had gone for an entirely different reason. _What was Jake's reason?_ She felt the pressure of the ocean of tears behind her eyes dying to gush out, and she fought bravely against them. _My family can't know about this. Not for any reason. _She tried to take comfort from what Quil Sr. had inadvertantly said when he told her to stay away from Jake. _Until she changes, you can't be allowed to see eachother. _

_Until she changes._

Did that mean that after Iliana transformed, Renesmee would get her best friend back? She tried her very best to hope, tried even harder to trust. But it was no use. She had thrown all the force she could manage into trusting Jake, trusting him seamlessly and absolutely. Her trust had been water-tight. And Jake had let her down. He had left her, and didn't say goodbye. Now she was so shredded, so completely messed up, that she couldn't summon up any will to trust him at all. She would have had to have been insane to want to do anything to reinspire the unbearable pain she was feeling right now. As she continued to walk, she felt like the blood in her veins was made of black ice. She wrapped her slender arms around herself as she convulsed in a shiver, and the first two gigantic, crystal bright tears slipped out of her sorrel eyes. She didn't try to stop them. She had a reason to stop, but she couldn't remember what it was. All she remembered was that she wanted to go home, out of this chilling mist, and to her room, where she would be able to cry her heart right out of her chest. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. _Why....why....why? Why Jacob? Why this? Why now?_

It was this she was thinking about when she felt the pair of strong arms wrap around her.

Her first instinct was to struggle, but it was quickly squashed by the crushing depression that weighted her into submission. She was prepared to let this person do whatever it was he had in mind, and not put up a fight. She didn't see a reason to, anyway. So it took her a few moments to realize that the arms wrapped around her were huge. The embrace was very tight, even to her. And very, very warm, like an open flame to her perfect skin. Reluctantly, she inhaled with her acute nose to take in this obviously inhuman person's scent. What she found surprised her a lot, and she felt herself sag against the large body, almost like an automatic reflex. It was Seth Clearwater.

"......Seth?' Her voice was quiet and rusty sounding, as if she hadn't used it in a long, long time. "What....what are you doing here?" She turned around in his tight embrace to look up into his brooding, worried face. His eyes were soft with eager concern as he said "I followed you when I saw you run off. I wasn't sure how you would take....you know." More shock, as well as another stab of cruel pain twisted through Renesmee at his words. He had followed her? She had had no idea. He continued to speak before she could reply. "I'm guessing that you're not taking it too well." "What do you mean?" Her voice cracked pitifully, and she saw the concern in his eyes grow even deeper as he said "Renesmee, you're crying." She quickly lifted one smooth pale hand to her face, and immediately felt that her cheeks were slick with tears, and they still hadn't ceased the flow from her fox colored eyes. "Oh," she choked out. 'I guess I am." He smiled sadly as he continued to stare down at her. Then all at once, he was speaking again. "I know it hurts, Renesmee. Jake means a lot to you. You mean a lot to him, and-" he looked very thoughtful and then just drew her closer into his embrace. 'Don't be sad. Try to smile. You know that there isn't one second that will go by that he won't be thinking of you." She gave him a look of skepticism. "I highly doubt that." Her brow furrowed in confusion as she noticed once again that Seth was being strange. "What do you mean, anyway?" Immediately, Seth's brows pulled together and he looked everywhere but at her as he replied airlily, "Oh, your just really important to him. He'll miss you for sure."

The air wooshed out of her lungs and she said flatly 'Right." She felt absolutely deflated. Before she could get too upset though, Seth grabbed her by the wrist and steered her in the direction of the forest. "C'mon, let's not make this any worse than it already is. I'm bringing you home, before it snows. Try to smile, Renesmee; you'll scare the wildlife looking like that." She gave a quick, half-hearted grin to please him, and then looked away while he started to dress down. There was a quick ripping noise, and when Renesmee looked back, she was standing a foot away from a humongous sand colored wolf. A deep rumble resonated in his chest, and Renesmee took the que. Reaching up for a handful of soft fur, she hoisted herself easily up onto Seth's wide back. She settled down into a comfortable spot between his shoulder blades and called out "I'm ready, Seth." With a howl, he lurched forward, and then they were running, faster than usual, so fast that everything started to ever so slightly blur around the edges of Renesmee's super human eyesight. The tears were instantly thrown from her eyes, and despite herself, a small smile had to curl onto her lips, from the pure exhilaration of going so fast. And riding with Seth was always so much fun. Still smiling, she reached down to grab two small handfuls of fur, and she pulled herself down to burrow her face into his back, out of the wind.

They made it to the Cullen's house in record time. Since Seth was such a good friend of the family, he was also allowed to come and go from the Cullen household as he pleased, so he took her right up to the front door to drop her off before disappearing into the nearby trees to change. A few moments later he reappeared and sprung up onto the porch, his shaggy hair windblown and an easy grin on his face. She knew he was blocking his thoughts; she had already warned him to do so before they had gotten into Edward's mental range. Feeling freshly depressed, and equally angry for not even being allowed to get it out of her system, Renesmee unceramoniously opened the wide oak front door, grabbed Seth's hand, and walked him through it. As soon as they were across the threshold, Jasper was there, his blazing golden eyes probing Renesmee's expression. One look was all he needed to know that things had not gone well. He grimaced, and took a couple steps forward so he could reach out and tuck a stray hair behind her ear and give her a look of sympathy. He couldn't verbally console his neice; the rest of the family would hear him, and then they would be tipped off to what was going on. Her shoulders sagged again, and her face crumpled as she called out in a falsely cheerful voice to her family in the living room. "I'm home, guys. I just brought Seth to visit with me. We'll be up in my room." With that, the tiniest of all teardrops spilled onto her cheek, and she flitted upstairs with Seth tailing her. As soon as she made it into her room, she turned on her stereo and blasted the loudest music she had, an album from the band _The Drowning Pool_, and then flung herself across the room, face-first onto her bed. Seth came to sit next to her on the enourmous bed, and he patted her on the back and whispered "If you have to let it out, let it out now, hun." And she did. Her back started to shake with her sobs. Her tears soaked her pillow. She beat the bed with anger for the unfairness of what had happened to her. She let out a few good screams that blended right in with the chaos of the playing band. This lasted for about ten minutes before Jasper couldn't take it anymore, and he showed up knocking on Renesmee's door. He didn't wait for admission; he silently opened the door, and came to sit next to her beside Seth. He immediately put his hand to her back and tried to sooth her with his gift. But she refused to be fixed; she wailed louder, sobbed harder. The bed shook with the velocity of her worded grief. But none of her other family heard her; if they did, they thought it was part of her blaring music. But no one came to check on her. She cringed repeatedly into her pillows; the ease, the simpleness of getting away with this without anyone checking on her was almost like rubbing salt into an open flesh wound.

For a while, all she could feel were the racking sobs rushing through her body, and Seth's and Jasper's comforting hands on her back, and the lack of Jacob all around her. But after what felt like a long, long, endlessly long time, the pain started to ease ever so slightly. Then a bit more. And a bit more. After another lapse of endless time had impossibly seemed to pass, she found that she could force her arm muscles to push her back up into a sitting position on the bed. Her sobs had finally ceased, and her breathing was calm. Torrents of glistening tears still flowed down her cheeks, but those choked off soon after the sobs. When her fox colored eyes were finally dry, she simply sat there for a minute, completely silent, not knowing what to do. After all, this had never happened to her before. As she sat there feeling like none of her nerve endings worked anymore, the strangest, coldest feeling settled into her. First into her skin. Then underneath. Then into her bones. And then into her heart. She had the oddest feeling of not being able to breath right, and she found with some numbed shock that she actually had to wrap her slender arms around herself and squeeze. She must have been coming apart inside, she _had_ to be. She couldn't be physically fine, and still feel this way. But when she looked, nothing seemed to be wrong with her. _This must be what mom felt like when Jake left HER, too. _But what Renesmee was feeling had to be worse, much, much worse. _She couldn't BREATH......._

_*********************************************************************************************************************************************_

Renesmee didn't remember falling asleep that night, and waking up the next morning didn't hold the significance it used to. She sat straight up in bed, and her eyes that stared in the mirror back at her were clear and dry, but disturbingly empty. She went through the motions of getting ready for school mechanically, like an abiotic machine. She threw her long hair up into a pony-tail, and then put on blue jeans with a red tank top. She smudged a thick layer of rarely used black eye shadow under her empty eyes, and then, after a full minute's numb consideration, pulled over her head a huge black sweater that Jake had outgrown, and given to her. Like last night, she couldn't seem to pull in a deep enough breath to satisfy her lungs. She gave herself another squeeze, and felt all of her ache in response. Because her body was looking for a different person's squeeze. A person that, for all Renesmee knew, could never be coming back. At that she almost smiled. Because when her father had left Bella, thinking of him had hurt more than pushing him onto the back burner of her mind. It wasn't like that for Renesmee. There was no different levels of pain; it was all one setting, one intensity. A hurt that was neither in front of nor behind her, but engrained seemingly into her very matter, her very _being_, twisting in all the ugly patterns of abandonment and despair.

She didn't talk to anyone before she set out to school in Emmett's Jeep. No one thought much of it; they probably passed it off as her being tired. Not one of them, save for Jasper, even guessed at what she was actually feeling inside. And Jazz looked worried enough for all the rest of them.

Renesmee drove to school in a daze, only half seeing the traffic sharing the road with her. A strange sort of cloying mist had settled over her conciousness; it made it very difficult for her to think clearly, or properly. She still felt this way when she pulled into the reservation's highschool parkinglot. Grabbing the stickshift, she put the monster jeep into park as if in a trance.

A trance that she was abruptly snapped out of when Seth pounded her car window with one fist and gave her a big smile. Shaking the mist out of her head, her eyes sharpened considereably when the sight of her friend registered in her brain. Feeling like it required muscles stiff from lack of use, she returned his smile with one of her own, and rolled the window down for him. "Hey Nessie," he boomed not quite as cheerfully as he usually did. "You okay?" At this, she had to sigh. "Hey Seth." Her voice was quiet and dry and a bit older sounding than it had yesterday; she noticed it, and he noticed it too. 'I'm okay, I guess. I mean, I should have known he was going to do it sooner or later. Really, I shouldn't even be surprised."

He winced at her stinging, unemotional words, but he didn't say anything to contradict them. He could already see that she wouldn't listen at all, anyway. Instead, his eyebrows pulled together with the effort of the tumultous feeling and meaning he was putting behind his next words. "Look, Ness. I know how you feel. I know it sucks. I'm feeling it too, to a degree. But....but just try to smile, okay? Things look bad now, but you're never going to get better if you don't buck up and make the best of what's in the here and now. So _smile_, and _try to mean it._ .......Please?" Renesmee's eyes widened slightly and she felt her sharp intake of breath as his words hit the knot right in the middle of her chest, somehow miraculously untangling it and making sense of it. For the first time in hours, she could take a deep breath. And to her even greater shock, the awkward and yet overpowering meaning to his choked, mumbled words made the corners of her mouth turn up into the ghost of a smile. 'Okay, Seth. For you, I'll _try _to smile. And maybe even mean it." She climbed out of the Jeep, and as soon as her tiny feet touched the pavement, they were lifted off again as she was enveloped in a crushing bear-hug. She forced her strangely detached-feeling arms to return his embrace, and she tried her best to hang onto her tiny ghost smile. She tried, much like a five-year old, to draw some comfort from Seth by pressing the side of her face to his chest and inhaling deeply. He smelled musky and woodsy, just like the rest of the pack, and as she had hoped, it comforted her a lot. She felt her wide, tired eyes half close as he started to walk towards the school with her still attached to him, and she let herself be carried. She was suddenly feeling all of the exhaustion of last night, and all at once, she found it hard to keep her eyes open at all. Seth noticed, and there was worry in his voice as he asked 'You okay, Nessie? You seem a bit droopy all of a sudden." She re-opened her eyes and tilted her head up to look him in the eye as she replied "I'm as okay as I possibly could be, Seth. I'm just really tired. Don't worry about me." After a lot of grumbling and anxious expressions, Seth consented with this response, and she let her head drop again. He carried her like a child all the way to Seth's locker, where Embry was already standing hunched over, brooding. Paul looked upset rather than furious for once at what had happened. And as soon as they saw her, they _both_ looked almost as worried as Jasper.

Seth placed her carefully up against Embry, who propped her up immediately; he seemed to think she was going to fall over. She did her best to rouse herself from her strange lethargy, and gave Em and Paul the same smile she had given Seth. She didn't want to make them worry anymore than they already were; they were feeling the same way she was right now, and _they_ weren't getting carried around and falling asleep in the hallways. After a few minutes of planning for the day, Seth and Renesmee headed off for they're Anarchaic History class, and Renesmee did her very best to pretend that everything was okay. Throughout the day, Renesmee acted like she was concentrating on her studies; she stared at the board, and copied down the words to notes that didn't register in her brain. That strange cold was seeping back into her body, and it was getting hard to breath again. By lunch, she was trying not to gasp. Seth was there when she finally made it to the cafeteria, and that helped with the breathing problem. But she was still cold, no matter what. Throughout the day, whenever she passed by a place where she normally would have seen Jake, the awful cold pierced straight through her, so fierce it was like an icy, jagged knife plunged right into her soul. She would let out a pitiful gasp, grab at her sides, and her eyes would fill with tears. She would then struggle in vain not to let them pool over onto her face, but they always dripped down anyway. It was so _hard_ without him; he was everywhere around her, and yet nowhere to be found. The lack of his presence echoed loudly and cruelly inside her body, making her insides twist in lonely pain. She was seeing him everywhere, hearing his voice, his laughter. But in the end it was only a stranger with long hair in the hallway, only the whisper of paper fluttering to the floor. Only the cruel laughter of fate, mocking her as the girl inside her wept, and wept, and wept. Wept, and screamed.

Jacob***

Jacob felt absolutely sick.

Since Quil Sr. had taken him aside and explained everything to him the night before, all of his color had drained away. Through the course of the night, he was sure his body had emptied itself of everything it had. His heart, his soul were gone. His usually burning body felt ice-cold to his own touch. He was clammy with sweat, and he could no longer find his voice to speak. Maybe it had left him. Or maybe he had just lost it after he spent three hours screaming until it died out. Since the screaming, he hadn't said a single word. He hadn't had a single thing to eat, or drink. He hadn't slept for a second. He couldn't. He didn't think he could do _anything_ anymore. But despite his lack of being able to do anything else, by some cruel twist of malice, he could still think. And he thought of Renesmee. _Not allowed to see her? _How could he possibly survive that? When he was told to stay away from her, every organ he needed to survive had flown from his body, and gone to her. She had his heart, his soul. Now he was left with nothing, except for lungs to breath and a brain to remind him of his unbearable torture. He _needed_ her, more than a heart, or lungs. More than a soul. He _couldn't _live without her. And he had been told to stay away, and that he couldn't come back to her until Iliana changed her shape. She would be coming to his house in the early morning, which was when he was going to have to somehow figure out a way to function so he could teach her what she needed to know.

_Oh God, I think I'm dying from the inside out._

_**Iknow, I know. Scary way to end a chapter. I just wanted you all to know what was going on inside JACOB'S head at that point. Tell me what you think. ^-^**_


	11. Sands Of Time

_**Angel Of Dark Intuition here. ^-^ Okay people, more time is going to be passing in this chapter, and things between Seth and Renesmee are going to get quite a bit....interesting. But never fear, NessieXJacob lovers; if ever in doubt, just check the coupling on the description. Peace!**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_

Renesmee had started noticing several things since Jacob had left her, and she had to start life without him. Things that she had never had to consider before, things that had never really seemed to matter, or stick out. Things she shouldn't have to know. Firstly, she had become acutely aware of each one of her super-fast heartbeats, and how they seemed even faster, even crazier now than they had before he was gone. She noticed how whenever she thought of him, it would take off on delicate gossamer wings, beating so fast she was surprised it didn't give out, or burst from her chest. It had never been _that_ fast before, and it was worrying her. But of course she couldn't ask Carlisle about it; then he would have to find out about everything. Secondly, she had noticed that she was always as cold as ice now, every bit as cold as the rest of her marble-esque family. This too was abnormal; she had always been just slightly cooler than the average human, something barely noticeable by her human friend's senses. Now she felt like an icecube. Thirdly, she had noticed how unbearably quiet it seemed to be without Jacob whispering and laughing in her ear; now that he was gone, the entire world seemed to echo it's silence ten-fold into her super-human ears.

She had started to notice also how this was effecting the rest of the _pack_, they were mostly very quiet now, staring at walls or at eachother with this lost, empty look on they're faces. Sam had been forced to restake his claim as a temporary Alpha to lead the pack until Jacob came back, and he wasn't happy about it; they had found out a few weeks previously that Emily Uley was pregnant with Sam's child. Now this was effecting her, too, and all the late nights without Sam beside her were starting to visibly take their toll. Quil had taken to spending all day every day with Claire, and Embry had taken to spending most days at his house, actually serving out the seemingly endless groundings that his dad dished out, and his mom wouldn't say no to.

And lastly, Renesmee had noticed that as each day passed, she had been adorning one more piece of black clothing; about a week ago, she had noticed as she stood staring emptily at the reflection in the mirror that the slender, broken wraith of a girl staring back was dressed completely in black. Heavily charcoaled eyes the color of dead fall leaves took in the sight of herself, dressed in black jeans, a black T-Shirt with a black pullover, black army boots, and black bracelets. She usually wore her hair up in pony-tails now; she just couldn't bring herself to leave it down. She had even tried straightening it, in the effort to look different. It had taken five hours, and when she finished, she was beautiful. But the beauty was wasted, in her mind. She just couldn't feel comfortable in her ice-cold skin anymore. She didn't remember how to.

But things weren't completely miserable anymore. Because there was Seth.

Seth was the only one that seemed to be not too badly effected by Jake's departure, and he spent every day with Renesmee now. She had lost interest in driving, so most days he drove to her house to pick her up in his battered Sentra. Each day she would walk through the drizzly morning mist and then emerge into the dry, safe warmth of the car, heated additionally by Seth's massive body heat. Each day, she would smile at him, and ask him how his night had gone. Each day, he would tell her all about it on the way to school, and then ask her the same question. And each day, she would reply with a half-hearted smile and wide, empty eyes as she told him that she was as fine as she possibly could be. Breathing was no issue with Seth around these days; the problem was when she couldn't be with him. Each day, she forced herself to go through all of her classes, and over time, it became something like a game. She would force herself through, pushing a little harder each day to see how long she could last. Each day, she would be able to last a few more seconds, a couple more minutes. But it was painful beyond belief; the need for air in her lungs was almost overpowering.

Another bad thing was that she hadn't gone hunting for about eight days, and as each day went by, she became a bit more human, her vampire powers growing a bit weaker, because she refused to restore them. It was hard to read her father's mind now, and not too easy to block his, either. She wasn't very strong. She wasn't exceptionally fast. She had blantantly refused to go motorcycling when Seth had suggested it one afternoon, and her bike had been lying in it's hiding place untouched in the forest since the day before halloween. It was now the ninth of November, and it seemed that every second of her day was devoted to struggling and trying to keep her head above the icy water all around her; devoted to suffering through school, devoted to loneliness. Devoted to deceiving her family day after day, and to trying to convince her friends that she was making progress. Every smile was forced and empty, every laugh echoed for far too long in the silence it masked. This was the way Renesmee viewed everything now; because it was the only way she could make it contain some sort of logic without Jake. And that logic was crushing. But it was all she had now; as a result, she clung to it with all her strength, trying and yet still utterly failing to make something good out of what she had been left with.

Most of her time was spent like this, but when she wasn't throwing up a wall, putting on a facade, or breathing with Seth, she thought of Jacob. Even though it hurt terribly, she couldn't make herself stop. She wondered about him everyday, wondered where he was and what he was doing. Most of all, she wondered if he was happy, now that he had left her. She hadn't heard a single word from Quil Sr., and the pack never said anything about him. They tended to avoid talking about him, just as much as she did. Not even Seth knew anything about how his friend was faring; he couldn't find anything out. And even if he _did _ever find anything, Renesmee knew deep down that she wouldn't want to know, wouldn't have the spine to ask him about it. Because right now, she knew that she was missing him, and in that, she was able to hold onto some foolish hope that he was missing her too for some reason. And so, she was able to survive. The moment Seth told her that this was not the case, and that he _was_ happy without her, she wouldn't be able to hold on anymore. She would die, and bring everyone she loved down with her. They had already lost Jake; she wouldn't take herself away from them as well.

This was how she made it from day to day, and within the next couple days, it was November eleventh. Remembrance Day. Renesmee's eyes were open and staring at her ceiling long before the morning light crept into her window, and as soon as it did, she slipped out of bed, her feet making a very loud, human thud as they hit the floor. She dressed mechanically all in black, but today it was appropriate, for once. Today, she wasn't the only one in the world suffering. She walked slowly down every stair in the entire winding case; jumping the way she used to would have some major consequences now. Consequences she didn't want her family seeing. She made herself talk cheerfully about how she was going off to the memorial park with Seth and the rest of the gang to listen to the Remembrance Speech the priest was giving there. Every one of them but Jasper nodded their heads and smiled. They told her to have fun and think seriously, and then she was free. She hopped in the Jeep for the first time in a while, and sped off towards Embry's house. He was waiting for her on the front porch step, dressed in black as well, and he sprang up as soon as he saw her. He jumped into the jeep, slamming the door so hard behind him that the frame of the vehicle shook. Renesmee looked at him in alarm; up close, she could see the shimmering tremors going through him, making his hands shake and his breath come out ragged. 'Em, what's wrong? What happened?" Her voice sounded more alive than she had heard it in days, and some of the heavy stupor of icy apathy lifted off of her chest as she took in the sight of her friend. He let out a vicious snarl in response, and then took several deep, catching breaths in an attempt to calm himself before he answered her. "I think I'm falling apart, Nessie," he groaned, sqeezing his eyes shut as he angrily bashed one enourmous fist against her dashboard. "I'm coming apart at the seems, I have been for a while. And today, that _asshole _decided to notice." Renesmee didn't have to ask who the asshole was; she knew without question that he was referring to his father. "What do you mean, your "falling apart", Em?" Her voice was soft and gentle as she placed one tiny hand on his arm and forced him to look her in the eye.

"I mean that I'm tired of _trying_, Nessie. Everyday, I've been doing my best just to make it through the minutes. And every day, my jerk of a father has been walking all over me, kicking me while I'm down, making me feel like this is entirely my fault. And as a bonus, I'm grounded until I'm forty." His voice was bitter and his eyes were full of tears by the time he finished, and Renesmee's heart twisted at the sight of him. She felt her own vision go blurry with tears as she asked "What are you going to do?" His eyes looked strangely dead and as scarily empty as hers as he replied " I have no idea."

After Embry, Renesmee picked up Paul, and then Sam. She made her way to Quil's place, and then that was it for space. Seth and Leah had to pile into the back of the Jeep. After everyone was on board, she stomped down hard on the gas, and didn't take her foot off of the pedal until they were sitting in the Memorial Park's parking lot; she had driven like a crazy person the entire way there, and everybody in the vehicle with her was more than a little pale when they stumbled out of the Jeep and onto steady land.

Renesmee almost lost it about every two minutes throughout the speech; having to listen about pain, loss and suffering without Jake beside her was almost unbearable. Every so often, she would find herself reaching for his hand, only to remember that it wasn't there, and maybe never would be again. Every word of every sentence made her throat ache, and the cold loneliness that had taken up residence in her heart would reach up and try to strangle her, making her choke. She almost had to run away; she didn't understand why her legs weren't moving, why her muscles weren't springing her away, fleeing from the words that were ripping her heart apart. But she couldn't move, for whatever reason; maybe it was because she hadn't hunted in ten days, and she felt practically human. Maybe it was because fate had decided that it wasn't done torturing her, and that she had to survive this, too. Whatever it was, her feet were firmly rooted into the ground, and she wasn't going anywhere. She listened to the priest's words numbly, and only some of the words registered. Just as she was sure she was starting to black out, something the old man said jumped out at her, and she heard every word.

_In times of loss, it was I who comforted you. In times of pain, I tended your wounds. In times of loneliness, I smiled with love and companionship down _

_into your wanting heart. It was I who was everything to you, and it was I who was your salvation. Now it is I who have left you, and as you grieve, it is _

_made all the more painful by my lack of presence. But fear not, dear love; I am not gone forever. We are but seperated by something beyond my control, _

_and at the first chance I see, I shall come springing back to your trembling open arms, and make myself yours once again._

Renesmee's human heart stopped beating, and her breath caught in her chest. It couldn't be coincidence, she was sure. And yet, here it was; this priest had no idea what was happening to her. _What does this MEAN?_

Jacob****

Jacob Black was tired, thirsty, worried, and going out of his mind with depression. It had been twenty six days, eight hours and forty three minutes since the last time he had seen Renesmee, and there were no words to describe the way he was feeling. His sadness had never died, but now it was accompanied with a horrible sort of anger that was keeping him going. It was serving as a sort of raw power that forced him through each day, and made it possible for him to do his job. He had been teaching Iliana how to phase under hard conditions, and she wasn't looking so good. But she had made so much progress, they were both very hopeful that the transformation would be soon. The light that shone blindingly around her when she coelesced was fading slowly but surely, and he could almost see what she was turning into. Also, she could hold the mysterious shape for up to ten seconds now. Iliana's mysterious illness was clearing up in some ways, but worsening in others; she could go for longer periods of time under the training now, but she always took it harder after she was done. It was November 25th, and they were almost finished for the day; it was twilight, and the light of the dying sun was turning Iliana's hair a fiery orange. She was starting to gasp and sweat, her color was fading and her green eyes were full of pain. The sickness was taking it's hit on her, revenge for the long day of labour she had gotten away with. With a sigh, Jacob angrily ran one hand through his black hair and told her to lie down. As she did so, he let his mind wonder, as he always did, to the most painful subject he could think of. As stupid, as masochistic, as tortorous as it was, he let himself think of Renesmee. As soon as he let his mind go, images of her flooded his fevered brain. Memories of her laughing and smiling, of them hunting together, running together, lying under the stars. Of her whispering secrets in his ear, of her sweet, beautiful face surrounded by the curling dark masses of her luxurious hair that always smelled like orchids. Her tiny hands and feet, her perfect body, her luminous fox colored eyes. Memories of her staying up all night talking to him, of her sneaking away to see him even though she didn't have to sneak. Memories of him carrying her through the forest, and walking hand in hand along the beach. Memories of her first and only motorcycle accident, and the way his heart had stopped beating until he saw her get up and start cussing, completely unharmed.

In this dream-like state, lost in his memories, Jacob actually smiled. It always hurt ten times more to think of Renesmee after he was done reminiscing, but it was always worth it; every day, he missed her so much that it almost felt like he couldn't breath, and the only way to make it somewhat subside was to do this, to think of his imprint, and let his memories of the past take over his thoughts. When he did this, it always felt like she was close to him, like he had never had to leave her, and that his world wasn't falling apart at the seams because of it. As long as he stayed in his memories, he felt as if he was completely whole. However, the moment he re-opened his eyes and came back to the present, the pain of reality crushed him so badly he could hardly struggle to take a breath. _But it's always, always worth it. And Iliana is getting closer, Renesmee, I can tell. I'm coming back to you as soon as I can, so please....just wait for me. Please._

**End Jacob P.O.V**

_December._

_December is cold, and the bitter winds howl_

_'round every corner, and in every small crevice._

_December is cold, and it chills to the bone_

_I can't live without you; so please._

_Just come home._

_**Okie-dokie, everyone. That concludes chapter eleven! I had to have some more time go by, so I passed through to December. In the next chapter, it's December 10th, and from then it's a sort of countdown to December 17th, which I guess you could say is what you would call 'DoomsDay." Cheer up, I PROMISE it gets better soon!**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	12. Heart Shock

_**Alright, this is the 12th chapter of The Black Flower. For those of you starting to get a bit frustrated with my depressing, downing literature and the way this story is going at the moment, I apologize, and assure you that things are going to be looking up soon. But I also heed you warning; if you dislike what's happening, things are going to get worse before they get better. To those of you who DO like my story, Thank you. ^-^**_

~**December**~  
Renesmee didn't recollect much of what happened through the duration of December; she tried not to. It hurt too much to awarely register thought that might trigger the pain of Jacob's absence; however, despite her best efforts, some things squeezed through. She still felt the harsh cold of the biting, icy wind on her cheeks and arms before Seth would grab her to him and keep her warm. She could hear the pelting din of hail hitting the roof during storms, before Seth would turn her stereo up for her. She saw the voluptous crimson color of the blood that welled up from the animals she killed when Seth made her eat. And she could practically taste the mounting worry that was starting to infect not only the mind of Jasper, but of the entire werewolf pack as well. Not even Seth could do anything about that.  
Most of all, she noticed Seth. He was always around her now, all the time, everyday. He was everywhere. He drove her to school, walked her to classes, took her to lunch, drove her home or to his house, and stayed with her until late hours of the night, before they went to sleep and then did it again in the morning. He always kept her from being cold now; she didn't bother with jackets. He did his best to keep her entertained, even though it was lost on her now. He made it his duty to go out for anything she might need, as well as the very few things she asked for. He might as well have been her arms and legs, the body to her spirit. And every day, he would look at her with an adoring, wonderous look on his face as he did it all.  
Renesmee noticed that look. She noticed it, and she noticed the faint stirring of something similar to worry in the pit of her stomach whenever she saw it. Deep, deep down, Renesmee knew that there was a reason that she should feel uneasy about that look on Seth's face. She just couldn't recall what it was; she wasn't very good at recalling anything these days. But she could still recall Jacob. Every minute detail, every tiny infracturance of his smile, his eyes, his voice, were permanently engrained into her mind. Every second of every memory they had together, safely stored in the indestructible make up of her mind. In her memories, and in her head, he was safe. Safe, and the same. No matter what he may be doing, or where he was, he was _there_ in her mind. And she held him there, even though it hurt. Because beneath all the malfunction, all the heavy haze that had settled over her mind, clouding her own vision, something was happening. Something was stirring, moving under the heavy winter blanket.....something was waking up.....

_January.  
January is full of ice, reflecting images of our past.  
The wind that once howled and clawed is now a bit tamer,  
and the ache in my heart is dulled in the peace.  
But the peace isn't really there, it's just in my head.  
I don't feel better, I just feel numb.  
Another thing January brings: Hypothermia._

It was the night of January the 17th when Renesmee really started to wake up. She had slept for most of the day, with Seth sitting in a chair by her bed, watching over her. She was curled up in a ball, and for the first time since the night of November first, she looked calm and peaceful in sleep. She was dreaming of Jacob, as usual, but tonight it was actually a good dream, instead of the usual hideous nightmares.

They were standing in some unknown forest, just Jacob and herself, and the darkness was illuminated by the full white moon above their heads. They were standing in a meadow clearing; it was as perfectly circular Edward and Bella's, some part of her brain noted on the side. The grass was short and very healthy and green, and small white Goddess Drop flowers partially carpeted the ground with lush, milky beauty. Completely fringing the meadow, enormous smoky blue evergreen trees stretched and gracefully towered forty or more feet into the air above her, so high that they seemed to be reaching for the crystal-bright moon and the velvety blanket of stars above. As soon as Renesmee noticed the stars, her breath was taken away- there were _millions_ of them, shimmering, twinkling, dancing and shooting across the sky, like the world's most captivating ballet. Shooting stars did _grand jettes _across the canopy of the universe, and with her superhuman eyes she could see the clusters of further galaxies, dancing around one another like partners on a stage. Silver, gold, blue and even red, they swirled before her eyes in a display of majesty and wonder that stole her voice and silenced her. It was one of the most beautiful things Renesmee had ever seen, and she seemed to be lost, the reflection of the stars filling her luminous eyes. It was Jacob's voice that pulled her back to reality.

"Renesmee."

Renesmee looked back down at Jacob-she had to. The tone of his voice was something she had never heard; a strange kind of echoing double timber that was much stronger and forceful than his normal voice ever was. So strong that it seemed to be entering Renesmee's body, opening something, making something come undone. She had no way to stop it, and for a moment she was frightened. Then realization came over her in a sudden awing burst._ So this was the voice of the alpha._ She knew; she was sure. She looked at her best friend in wonder and amazement- because she had never seen him this way before.

Jacob was still Jacob, but something about him was just _different._ Better. More powerful. All around him there was a clinging aura that seemed to shine and glow; the same glow was coming from his beautiful dark eyes she had always admired and loved, turning them into pyres of incredible, shining power that seemed to hold a light within. There was something peaceful and at rest in his face, in those eyes that she had never seen before, and it was coming off of him in waves that she could practically feel inside her own body. The aura of might and power around him completely blew her away. Was this how the pack saw Jake all the time? _He looks like a GOD._

"Renesmee, look at yourself."

Still unable to speak, first from the sight of the stars above her and now from the even more astonishing Jacob, Renesmee could only nod, and do what she was told. She looked down at herself- and gasped. This person couldn't possibly be her. They were much too beautiful. But somehow, as if from some alternate view point, she could see her entire self. And it was undeniably her; she had simply been transformed into something as beautiful as this new Jacob, so different and breath taking that it was hard to recognize herself. Her small, slender form looked timelessly and heart breakingly graceful, even as completely motionless as she was. Her skin was pale, smooth perfection, more perfect than her usual form. Her hair hung down to her waist in glossy ringleting tendrils, and was a rich color best described as a dark mahoghany with a red cast on it. She was wearing a beautiful white knee length dress that had no straps or sleeves with a tight, beautifully embroidered corset, a full, pretty skirt and a stylishly ragged hem that made it look midevil. Her eyes were large and framed with thick dark lashes, and the same fox color they always had been. Except, like Jacob, they had a surreal shine of unbelieveable power coming out of them; the same aura was shining from her entire being. In her small hands there was a pretty bouquet of the same small white flowers on the meadow floor. _I'm beautiful._ Completely bewildered by the sight, she threw her head up to meet Jacob's gaze, silently pleading for an explanation.

"You're sleeping in you're bed right now, Renesmee." His voice was still ringing with the magical double timber of the Alpha as he gave the explanation she so desperately wanted. 'For quite some time now, you've been struggling and suffering, trying to see through a thick, mind consuming fog. Everyone you love has been really worried about you, and they are afraid you're losing yourself over me. I've come to fix that tonight. Renesmee, you have the potential inside you to rise above this fog you're drowning in, and you have the potential to see everything around you again. It will still hurt the same, and you're entitled to feel however you want about me." He swallowed. "But you'll be able to think and see around it. You'll be able to regain some of you're normal life again, without me." Tears filled his eyes.

Tears filled _her_ eyes, too. Without him? She didn't _want_ to be without him! She _needed_ him! Panic started to rise up like black water inside her, blocking off her breathing. She wanted to scream, to thrash and protest and tell him what a horrible idea this was. She wanted to tell him she needed him, couldn't bear to lose him again, had to have him back. She wanted to tell him to go away, and leave her to struggle, if that was the way she could keep on remembering him. Like a dam busting in her gut, her voice finally broke free as she cried out something completely unplanned, completely without thought. _"But I miss you!!!" _One of the tears in Jacob's eyes spilled onto his dark cheek, and he grimaced. 'I miss you too," he said softly, and his voice was no longer the alpha's, but his own. "Then don't fix me," she begged, and her voice was closer to a sob than a composed, normal tone. Even so, it was beautiful, supple and flowing. Closer to her mother's than her own, she realized. She continued on. 'Don't make me forget, or just squash it all down, and then leave again. I'll deal with the fog for the rest of my life, if I can keep my memories of you." Renesmee had no idea where these words were coming from; it was as if they were formed purely from her emotion, rather than from her thought. But they seemed to be working; Jacob looked swayed and pale, and more tears were streaming down his cheeks. His voice was a broken whisper as he replied "But I have to help you. I can't just let you suffer like this. Somehow-" Renesmee stopped him by holding up one hand in the air, in a quieting gesture. "No. I won't lose you, Jacob. Not for my own benefit, or anyone else's. You can't make me." Her voice was low and quiet, and her words completely floored him. His face was a tear-stained mask of shock for what seemed like eternity, and she sucked in a deep breath of air and then slowly released it, counting the seconds of silence to keep herself busy.

Ten seconds later Jacob managed to compose himself. He straightened up to his full height, and a small smile adorned his face. "Then I'll just help you a little bit," he compromised. 'Give you just enough peace that you can see over the fog again. You'll remember everything exactly the way you do now. And you'll be carrying around exactly the same amount of....pain." He grimaced, and had to swallow again. "But you'll be able to function with it. Not happily, but more normally." His eyes delved into hers with the same force as the alpha voice, and once again she could feel a pulling in her chest. Holding her gaze, he asked 'Is that okay with you?'

Truthfully, it didn't sound all that horrible. As long as he could promise one thing.

"I'll still remember you?' she asked levelly, her eyes holding his inescapably.

His voice was solemn. "Yes."

"Promise?"

"With my life, Nessie."

_Nessie._ A small smile curled her lips, and her eyes grew soft with relief. She had his word. And she finally had the chance to make him happy with something, if for the very last time. She parted her smiling lips to put sound on her intentions, and spoke the words that she knew he would take as permission. 'Make it happen." He stretched out one enormous dark hand towards her. With their eyes still locked, she took the necessary four steps until she was in front of him, and placed her hand in his. He whispered two words- "wake up."

_WHAM._

That was precisely the moment when Renesmee Carlie Cullen's eyes flew open. Her dream was over. But something inside her had changed. Or was chang_ing_. Something was twisting in her chest, unravelling, loosening. Something was coming undone. Her heart, which had previously been furiously beating and cold as ice, started to slow down and unthaw. Then came a shift, a swelling jerk which made Renesmee jerk over and almost fall out of her bed, which she had sat up in. Her heart was _growing_- it was the only way to possibly describe what she was feeling. The pain was ever so slightly decreasing, and it was ebbing away from the front of her mind, from the front of her heart, towards the newly aquired back half that she hadn't possessed two seconds ago. As the masses and masses of pain moved into the now easily fittable space of her heart, her mind cleared; the fog was lifting, so she could think clearly again. With one final burst of warmth, the transformation was finished. Jacob's gift to her was complete. The pain that before had been unbearable and crippling had been pushed to a place where she could function once again, and instead she could feel the pain in the new cavern created, locked away in some space as big as five oceans, big enough, impossibly, to hold it all. In place of the crippling fog, she felt a strong, ringing ache, much like a tooth-ache, right in her heart. It seemed to make her weary, but she could think clearly and function again. Every thought was tainted with a sort of wistful sadness, but that was about it. And most importantly, when she tested herself, she found that she could, as she pleased, dig up every memory she had of her Jacob with perfect clarity and accuracy. Just as Jacob had promised in her dream. Tears of wonder sprang to her eyes, and dripped out onto her white blankets. For several minutes, she sat there, breathing rapidly in disbelief and completely winded and amazed beyond words at the change. Then, in the first movement in a LONG time that wasn't accompanied with numbness, she reached out in the darkness with perfect sight to grab her cellphone. She dialed a number, and then breathlessly held it up to her ear. Seth answered on the first ring. "Nessie? What is it?' he asked worriedly. Her voice was an amazed whisper as she replied.

'Seth? Something impossible just happened. I think I feel....different. I need to see you."_  
_


	13. Recharge The Batteries

_**Hello, everyone. This is my thirteenth chapter of The Black Flower, and as I promised, things are going to be picking up very, very soon. You will hopefully be able to see the change in Renesmee. Anyways...on with the fic!**_

Renesmee hadn't told anyone the full details of what happened to her; she only told them that she had woken up that morning, and felt better. She didn't even tell _Seth_ about the dream. She was keeping that part to herself, mainly for two reasons. The first reason was because she knew that the fact she had even dreampt it meant that she was probably insane. And the second reason was because she had no idea what the dream _was_, or what it meant. Was it some sort of strange wolf-thing Jake and the others had never told her about? Could it have actually been Jake, the _real _Jake, talking to her in her "dream"? Or was it a dream at all? She had no idea. And she was very upset about it. She had been wracking her brains for two days, trying to think of someone, _anyone_ she could ask about it. So far, she had come up blank. But today was Monday, and she was going to school.

She was hard-pressed to find anything she could put on that wasn't black; all the color she owned was shoved at the very far back of her wardrobes. But she managed to find, after some five minutes of intense labour, a light blue T-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. It was January 19th, and surprisingly cold outside. So she threw a thick black sweater over her head, and threw her hair in it's customary ponytail. She put on her layers of black eye makeup, and as she did, she noticed that the color of her eyes no longer resembled that of dead leaves, but was back to the rich, deep reddish brown color of a fox. She finished, and went downstairs to the kitchen. It felt strange to be able to think right again, she noticed with slight unease. Strange, to be able to walk down the stairs, and decipher the whispers of her parent's voices, strange to make sense of the words that were previously blurs of disinterest. Strange to be able to count the number of golden eyes fixed on her face, when before it had seemed as if the whole world could be watching, and she wouldn't care any more. Even more bizarre to her was the way she knew what she was cooking for breakfast, and how she could actually taste it when she ate it. All the hurt was still there, and she was incredibly tired. But it was a normal sort of weariness, a more natural one than she had felt in months. And when she practiced in front of the mirror, she found that when she smiled, a dry, but still human looking shine came into her eyes.

Seth came to get her in his Sentra as usual, and when she piled herself into the car, she actually _noticed_ the brilliant, beaming smile he flashed at her. He had noticed the change in her as soon as she met him at his house in the middle of the night two days ago, and he was _loving_ it. Impossibly, he was spending even _more_ time with her these days, so even to her it seemed that she was never anywhere without him. As soon as she had her seatbelt done up, he twisted around to face her in the seat, and gave her a bone-crushing hug. "Hiya, Nessie," he enthused. "How was your night?" She gave him a smile as she replied "Pretty good, actually. I went hunting with Emmett last night for the first time in a while. He was excited." He _had_ been excited. He had spent the entire three hours they were gone giving her strange, sideways looks, and then brilliant flashing grins when he saw that she wasn't shuffling like a zombie beside him. He had laughed and made jokes the entire time, and she had found, with great surprise, that it was easy for her to laugh at most of them. The laughter was real, and didn't sound hollow. It sounded almost like it used to, except a little bit sarcastic, and a little bit tired....

Renesmee was brought back out of her reverie by Seth's booming laughter. 'Well, I'm glad to hear it, Ness. Sounds like you had fun." He stuck the keys back into the ignition, and as he was twisting them and the car came to life, Renesmee studied his features. Seth Clearwater had done a lot of growing in the last two months. He was taller, and thicker along the base of his shoulders and the ridge of his neck. His arms were thicker too, and upon inspection, she noticed that his already _huge_ feet had gotten even huger. The childish roundness in his face had gone, and left strong, well-defined angles behind in their wake. His dark eyes were full of warmth, and for a moment she felt a particularly painful twisting throb in her chest as she was reminded of Jacob. But Seth wasn't _that_ much like Jacob, and the throb settled back down to it's normal constant level. The weariness settled back down into her, and she gave a small sigh. Seth heard that, and turned his head towards her to investigate. He turned in time to catch her staring at him, and he blushed, his face turning an adorable pink color as he stammered "W-What's up, Ness?" She quickly replaced the smile on her face in order to calm him, and again felt that strange sensation of her mouth turning upward at the corners as she replied "Nothing, Seth. Just thinking." Man, she was really starting to love this 'smiling" thing again.

Seth drove them to the reservation highschool, parked in the parking lot, and assisted her needlessly out of the vehicle. It just seemed to make his day, so she always let him. Once she was out of the car and standing in the parking lot, he grabbed her red quilted bag from the backseat and handed it to her, then steered her in the direction of the front doors. Once inside the school, Renesmee had to look around, and her eyes were wide; this was only her third day out of the fog, and she was still amazed by the rushing color, the bustling noise of all the students around her, and eternally grateful that she could finally make sense of it all. They made their way through the strangely clear chaos down to Embry and Paul's lockers. It wasn't just Seth who was overjoyed at Renesmee's emotional improvement; the entire pack was thrilled when Seth dragged her over, and they saw the change in her. She smiled, remembering the night she had called him. He had completely flipped out as soon as he saw her, and he had called an emergency meeting to get the rest of the pack together. He wouldn't tell them what the meeting was about, and at first everyone was a bit miffed. But even Sam had stopped strangling Seth for making him get up and leave Emily when they saw how Renesmee had improved. As they had the first night, Embry and Paul embraced Renesmee as soon as they saw her, and asked her how she was feeling. She gave both of them a wry smile as she ducked her head and replied "pretty much the same as yesterday. A little better. I went hunting with Emmett. It was fun." She took some enjoyment from watching the smiles unfold on their dark, handsome faces, and then some more out of listening to how they're nights had gone when she asked about them. _I had no idea how much I was missing. _Her thoughts were shocked as she listened to them continue about fixing cars and eating everything in their fridge and actually being ungrounded for once. And through all of it, the enormous ache continued on, making her tired....

In Monarchaic History, she and Paul were sitting in their giant wooden desk as usual, and while they listened to Ms. Sanders drone on about County's, Dukes and Dutchesses, and how it was illegal to cut their tongues out, Paul passed her a note in his illegible chicken scratch. She snatched the note, and quickly read the words on the notebook page.

_~I noticed you're wearing jeans today.~_

She stared at the paper for a moment longer before picking up her pen, and writing a quick, neat response.

~_Yeah, I decided that if I didn't start dressing in color again soon, people would start to think I was creepy. Can't have that.~_

Paul grinned and bit back a snicker when he read her response, and he had to do his best to look innocent when Ms. Sanders glared angrily at him and then wait for her to return to her lecture before he could respond.

~_Well, I just want you to know that you look good. And you sound good, too. You have no idea how glad we are to get you back, Nessie.~_

Renesmee bit her lip in anxiety as she stared down at the page. Had she really caused them that much worry? That much pain? Her mind flashed back to a memory of her dream, of Jacob telling her exactly what she was fearing now. _'For quite some time now, you've been struggling and suffering, trying to see through a thick, mind consuming fog. Everyone you love has been really worried about you, and they are afraid you're losing yourself over me. _Her eyes flitted up to Paul's face, which was turned toward her, before she wrote.

~_C'mon, you must be exaggerating. I wasn't really THAT bad....was I?~_

She couldn't bring herself to look at Paul's expression then, and she kept her eyes on the chipped, darkwood desk in front of her as he wrote a response. After a moment he offered it back to her, and she cringed delicately before making herself take it and read what he had written.

_~I'm sorry to tell you, Renesmee, but you WERE that bad. You scared us a lot. I was really starting to freak. We kinda thought you were in some kind of coma or something.~_

The words brought tears to her eyes, and the ache in her heart flared at her misery. A coma? During the two months where she was numb, she hadn't really noticed much. Now that she was awake, she was starting to notice _everything_ again. And it was _scary_. What had happened to her? How had she let it get so far out of control? The ache in her heart was a burden, a new scar that claimed the lines of her body as it's host. Something that pained her, but didn't cripple her. The pain was bearable, and she could stand to look in the mirror. She could remember with perfect clarity what the fog had been like, and she didn't think she would ever forget. The tripping, stumbling. Not being able to see, or feel. And always being _cold_..... But even _then_, she had imagined that she had _some_ composure, and at least a _little_ control. She had possessed enough control that everyone but Jasper had remained in the dark; they still had no idea about what she had suffered, was still suffering. So how bad had she really been? She shuddered violently as her imagination dredged up images of the walking dead, pasty skinned, red eyed, and mindless.

It was with shaking, fumbly fingers that she gripped her pen again, and then wrote down the question that was screaming in her mind, howling so loudly in her ears that she could no longer hear Ms. Sander's endless droning.

_~Paul, did I scare you? Because I'm scaring myself right now, thinking about it.~_

The first and only tear slid down Renesmee's cheek as she watched Paul's expression crunch in pain as he read the question she had written. Her shoulders trembled as he picked up his pen, and wrote down a response. His fingers were shaking. When he finally handed her the paper, it was so bad that even she had a hard time deciphering what it said. But after a long time trying, she managed to make out what he wrote.

_~Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Don't you DARE feel bad about what happened now. None of us blame you for the way you reacted. There are certain circumstances about the situation that made what happened completely understandable. And don't think that we're mad at you for what you did. You DID scare us, I'll admit it. But none of us are mad at you for it. The reason we were so scared is because we CARE about you. That's right. We still love you, Renesmee. All of us do. Don't forget that, okay? Because THEN I would have to kill you.~_

Several things happened to Renesmee as soon as she was finished reading that note. At first, all she wanted to do was scream at Paul in a demand to know what the "circumstances" were, and what they conveyed, and how they had come about. But then the practical part of her told her that she was being an idiot, and to calm down and keep her big mouth shut. After that, tremendous waves of emotion came over her. _I scared them. Really bad. But they still love me. They still LOVE me!!!! _Her shoulders sagged under the weight of her enormous relief, and she started breathing very rapidly. A strange, wrenching hiccup came out of her, and then, incredibly embarrassed and eyes bright with suppressed tears, she fell silent. _Everything is FINE, you retard. They still love you. So just calm down, and give poor Paul a hug. _She gave Paul a really _big_ hug, leaning over to wear he was sitting to bury her face in his side. She couldn't bring herself to speak; that would ruin it. So she just silently squeezed him as hard as she could bring herself to, and willed him to understand. Paul chuckled as quietly as he could, and wrapped his huge arms around her slender frame. She felt the heat of his skin like fire through her T-shirt, and evened her breathing with the beating of his heart. For one moment, there was complete peace.

She pulled away and settled herself back in her own seat, and then she turned her small face up to look at his. His dark eyes were fixed intently on her, and he whispered his next question, instead of writing it down. "Nessie, can you show me what you're feeling right now? I want to know if you're better." She smiled up at him as she reached for his face. _This_ was the gift she had been born with, the gift she could use on everyone and anyone she wanted, whenever she wanted. She didn't really use it that often anymore, but she could still do it as easily as she did when she was a baby, using it to convey her thoughts to everyone but Edward, who didn't need it. Now she placed her tiny palm on his cheek, and showed him what he wanted; the inside of her mind. Everything but the ache in her heart; he didn't need to know about that. She showed him the new clear sort of stable normalness that had retaken residence in her mind, and she felt him relax beside her when he felt the truth she doubled in with the image. Still smiling up at him, she pulled her hand away, and quietly sighed, a sound of content instead of frustration. "Happy now?' He grinned back down at her and replied 'Much happier, now." The bell rang, and everyone in the class packed up their stuff and ran from Ms. Sanders as fast as they could without looking obvious.

_**After School...**_

Seth came to get Renesmee at her locker as soon as school ended, and she noticed that he seemed to be in a particularly good mood. He just stared at her and smiled while she packed her things into her bag, and after that had been going on for about fifteen solid seconds, she straightened up to look at him. "What, is there something on my face?" Her voice was dryly sarcastic, and she coupled it up with a wry smile. He immediately looked appropriately abashed, and he sounded eager but also somewhat shy as he replied "No, you look great today, Ness. Just great." Confusion wroiled inside her as his small smile turned into a full blown grin and he continued 'I'm just happy, because I have a surprise for you." Little red warning lights went flashing off in Renesmee's brain at the word 'surprise." Like her mother, she had always hated them, and she wasn't feeling exceptionally sporting right then.

Her voice was calm and a bit overly composed as she asked her question in a manner that was an attempt at casuality. "What surprise?" He would have none of this, of course, and the grin just widened as he teased. "Really, Ness. I can't _tell_ you. If I did, then it wouldn't be a _surprise._" He tapped his head and his grin turned evil as he continued "See? This is why I'm smart." She groaned, smacking a hand to her forehead in defeat. "Of course." Renesmee didn't have to wait long to find out what the surprise was. After Seth had loaded her into his Sentra as usual, he took off towards La Push, instead of his usual route to Forks. _So he's taking me to the reservation, _she thought calculatingly. She was trying to figure out what the surprise was before he could spring it on her; that way, she wouldn't have to endure the awful feeling of being taken off guard. But no cigar; she couldn't figure out where he was actually taking her until they had already pulled up to the beach.

Seth helped her out of the car again, and immediately led her out onto the rocky beach. The sun was out, so the stones were all shining brilliantly in every color a rock could be. They both moved gracefully, making no noise on the rocks as they walked, Seth on the outer edge and Renesmee closer to the water. As they walked, Renesmee noticed out of her peripherai that Seth was carefully assessing her, and there was some sort of unfathomable burning in his dark eyes as he did it. Feeling only slightly self conscious, she waited expectantly for him to start talking, drawing in a large breath and then slowly releasing it to help the seconds go by. She didn't have to Lethaventilate for long; he asked the first question in about another eight seconds of what must have been an easy silence to him. "So, Nessie. How are you feeling today?" She gave him a customary reassuring smile before she replied in her new slightly dry and tired voice "I feel fine today, Seth. How about you?" He ducked his head and hid his expression from me as he muttered "Aw, I'm fine. I spent most of my day worrying about you, actually." _Crap. Huge, enormous crap._ She felt her own head duck as she asked 'Why the heck would you be worried about me?" He raised his head to give her a withering look for her obviously retarded question, and then his brow crumpled and his face was full of worry as he continued. "I've been watching you, and I'm worried. This all just happened way too fast. I mean, one day your...." he struggled for words, then just gave up and continued on. "And the next day, you're suddenly getting better. You seem so much better, a hundred times better. I just don't get it." His expression turned pleading as he begged "Please, Nessie. Tell me this isn't all just an act. Tell me you actually feel better. Tell me your not in a lot of pain."

His face was so heart breaking, all Renesmee wanted was to be able to tell him everything he wanted to hear. But of course, that would be lying. She bit her lip, and turned away from him, almost absently searching for something else to do. Spying a large, dried out stick about the length of her arm, she flitted over to it and grabbed it, before ghosting back to his side. She dragged the stick in the rocky sand behind her as she walked, making a gentle clatter as she thought her answer through. She couldn't tell Seth about the ache; she didn't want to do that to him. Besides, she wasn't sure she would be able to explain it if she tried. How to explain the sensations, the detail. The wistful, bitter ache that was always there, making her tired somehow. How to describe what it had felt like when her heart was growing to the size of five oceans inside her chest. She didn't know how to do it; not in a way Seth would understand. _Not in a way anybody would understand, actually. _So she had to keep quiet about that, too. It had been the most incredibly moving experience of her life, and she couldn't even explain it to anybody._ So, I guess I'll just have to cushion the gory details. _Renesmee took another deep breath before she started. "It's nowhere near as bad," she promised him, looking him directly in the eye in an effort to portray some honesty. "I still miss him sometimes," she admitted carefully. 'But not as much. I can concentrate again. Things are much, much easier." She drew in another breath through her teeth, and said in the most convincing voice she could manage 'I think I'm starting to move along without Jake." The last sentence was the only part that was a blatant lie, but her answer in itself seemed to make him happy. He took the stick she had still been dragging gently from her hand, and she didn't stop him. Then he dropped it to the ground, and she didn't stare back at it as they continued to walk. He reached for her hand next, and still she made no move to stop him. Then he had her tiny hand caught tenderly in his flaming hot one, and they were walking down the cold rocky beach, holding hands. Renesmee was preoccupied enough so that it didn't really bother her; her thoughts weren't really on the boy beside her anymore. They were on her best friend in the world, somewhere she couldn't find him, doing things she didn't know about....and she missed him so much, the ache in her chest seemed to ring. It made her more tired as it increased, but she fought it as best she could. She looked up at the clear blue sky, and as she did, her eyes focused on the one single cloud in the sky. To match, a single thought came into her head.

_Where are you?_

_**Okay, that's about it for this chapter.**_

_**Heads up to any Naruto fans, because very soon I will be taking up PudgyPudge's challenge, and I will be writing a Blind Naruto fic. I would appreciate your opinions on this.**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	14. Family Can Bite Me

_**My fourteenth chapter of The Black Flower. W-O-W. I never thought I would be able to pull out of my writer's block this time, but I suddenly snapped out of it. So, here ya go. ^-^**_

Renesmee was lying in her huge white bed again, staring at the ceiling with her arms crossed under her head. She was too wired to sleep; that, and she was too busy thinking about what had happened during that afternoon, when Seth took her to the beach. Lying in the milky-white shroud of hanging curtains all around her, she recounted everything that had happened.....

_~** Flashback of that afternoon**~_

Seth had walked Renesmee all the way to the end of the beach, still holding her hand. His skin was burning hot against her own, but she hadn't minded; it had felt nice against her cool, hard skin that, at the time, felt more vampire than human. It hadn't really ever occured to her that maybe she should pull her hand away; she was just so used to having him by her side now. It wouldn't have made any differance, she reasoned with herself. Afterall, he was everywhere, surrounding her, all around her _anyway_. On top of that, she had been too preoccupied thinking about Jake; her mind had been a million miles away on that beach. Well, for all she knew, it could have been. Because it didn't depend on any certain amount of miles; her mind was simply wherever Jacob was. And she had no idea where that was. The ache in her chest was making her dizzy, and she knew it was probably because she really needed some sleep. But she just couldn't let it go; she couldn't stop thinking of him.

Seth had gotten very quiet after he had taken Renesmee's hand; he just stared at the rocky sand under his feet, smiling a huge, shy grin. And she hadn't said anything either. Her mind was too full with observations already. Because she was noticing _everything_ again. With wide eyes, she was taking in the color of the surf, the texture of the waves, the swooping of the occasional gull. Small crabs were moving across the rocks, and several remarkable seashells had washed up onto the beach from low tide. With a portion of her mind, she continued to think of Jacob, and with the rest of it, she focused on Seth. Her startling eyes, seeming almost bewildered in they're curiousity, were zoned intensely onto his face, analyzing his every move. Every small and deep breath he took, every time his smile got bigger. The shifting little gleam of joy that was dancing in his dark eyes.

She didn't know why any of this wasn't making her worry; it just wasn't. It seemed natural to her that Seth should take her hand; natural that he should gently guide her along the way, just as he had been doing since she had woken up and found herself alone. She wasn't cold anymore, not usually. The extra space had taken care of that. But she _was_ very, very weary. And the warmth of his skin somehow helped with that.

Seth had taken her home when the sun started to set; she could still vividly remember the splash of brilliant crimson smeared across the sky like a blood stain, the fiery orange and blushing pinks, and the ruby red orb hanging on the edge of the sky. A shiver rifted itself through Renesmee's slender frame; sometimes, the sun had a very uncomfortable effect on her. It made her feel detached from her body somehow, as if she were just floating beside it; this sensation reminded her too much of the fog to be comfortable. She had an idea of why the sun did this to her; ever since _her_ sun, her _personal_ sun had gone, the actual sun was something like a painful reminder. But the sun was beautiful that night, and she had smiled up at it, instead of shivering and looking down. They had gotten to the Cullen household just as it was dropping down behind the trees, and when they walked in, her entire family was waiting for them in the main room, looking cheerful and well rested. Since Saturday, they had been enjoying a Renesmee much like the old one; she was behaving like she was alive and happy again, and they were all completely thrilled. They had never known what she was hiding, and Jasper had never told them. But they all noticed nevertheless when the strange, murky chill lifted off of Renesmee's shoulders. Seth had kept her hand as they came up to the door; something Renesmee thought was a bit strange. He opened the door for her, and pulled her inside, calling " We're ho-me!!" in a cheerful voice for her entire family of vampires to hear loud and clear. He made his way to the living room with Renesmee still in tow, where her family was sitting and quietly conversing. But they weren't conversing for long. It took about a sixty-eighth of a second for seven pairs of superhuman golden eyes to focus on Seth's hand holding Renesmee's, and about another thirtieth of the _same _second for the room to get so quiet that a regular human ear could hear a pin drop. After that, Renesmee got very, very nervous. All of a sudden, she was _very_ worried. Because the way her family was now looking at Seth was really a very valid thing to worry about.

The hostility in the golden hunter eyes was leashed, but just barely; the expressions on they're faces were friendly with smiles, but Renesmee could see what it cost her family to put them there. Of course, stupidly cheerful Seth was completely oblivious; he didn't see the danger that was mounting right in front of him. But Renesmee did. She could see the rapidly growing shadows in her father's outraged eyes, darkening the gold, succumbing to the unearthly pitch black. She could see the already pale complexion of his skin draining further of it's color from anger. Most of all, she could see the slight alterations in his stance; the shifting, shadowing muscles as tense as rock, bunching together, getting ready..... to pounce.

_Ooooooogh. _Renesmee gave a strange kind of inward groan as she realized the situation. Her dad was about to attack Seth. It was a complete overreaction; she knew that. And Seth _was_ a werewolf. But as hypocritical as it might sound coming from a seven year-old half breed, Seth was just a kid. He couldn't take someone as experienced and lethal as her father. And besides that, her uncle Jasper and uncle Emmett didn't look that far from joining in if anything _did_ break out. And Seth still hadn't clued in to the somewhat _murderous_ vibes in the room directed at him.

_So there's only one thing you can do._

The thought snapped like whiplash through Renesmee's mind, and she knew it was true before she was even finished thinking it. There was only one single thing she could do to prevent this. And as much as she absolutely did _not_ want to take the risk, it was either that, or watch Seth get ripped apart. That unquestionably wasn't an option. _Oh, my GOD, Seth. The things I do for you. _Renesmee took a deep breath through her teeth, firmly packed away every thought she wouldn't want being seen with as much force as she could muster....and opened her mind up to Edward.

The shock of having her mind suddenly open in front of him was enough to stop Edward in his tracks for a second; hostile anger was replaced largely with astounded surprise in his golden eyes as he turned his head to look at her. She didn't waste time on fancy introductions or big ordeals of drama and shock. She spoke plainly and firmly to him, feeling the voice of her mind ring out low, strong and practical, but still with the same harmonious quality it always possessed.

_~It's not what you think, Dad. Please calm down.~_

Edward plaintively ignored the 'please calm down" part, and his mind's voice was a savage snarl as he replied.

_~ It had better NOT be. That dog is about an inch away from DIRECTLY causing his own death!~_

_~Dad, Seth is just being himself! We went to the beach, for God's sake! Nothing happened!~_

His eyes narrowed to sarcastic slits, and his voice reflected the motion.

_~Oh, you went walking along the beach holding hands, but nothing happened. I believe you NOW.~_

A small noise of frustration, something like a going to be itimidated just because squeaky snort, reverbrated through Renesmee's body.

_~Oh, well. I'm glad you believe me, then. Take a chill pill, dad. Honestly.~_

For one split second, the glare on her father's face became absolutely feral, and she was sure that she had officially managed to get herself _and_ Seth ripped into tiny pieces. But then, miraculously, his face smoothed back out to it's normal state of perfection; the killing light in his brilliant topaz eyes faded down into non existence. His voice was curt, but well behaved. _~Happy?~_

Renesmee looked him directly in the eye; her chin rose ever so slightly in defiance. _~Thank-you.~_ With those two words, she re-blocked the doors to her mind as forcefully as if they had been window shutters, and she had slammed them shut. Her dad's posture slid back into a friendly one, and her uncles reluctantly did the same. Renesmee allowed herself to relax her muscles as well; it was only then that she found that she had been bunched up, standing like a hunched, angry little kitten robbed of it's string. She was conscious of the fact that Seth had finally let go of her hand; the coolness of the air around her was almost an uncomfortable exposure, after his constant warmth. He was staring at her with a somewhat worried expression; he finally seemed to have caught up to the notion "Somethin' 'ain't right here." Determined not to let her father ruin her earlier mood of peace and subdued belonging, she flashed him a dazzling smile of reassurance, and stepped infestimentally closer to his side. Edward didn't notice; he and Bella were locked into some sort of communicative gaze that probably ment she was trying to lift her shield, and let her husband read her thoughts. But Renesmee wasn't interested in that at all. She just wanted to take Seth, and escape to the safety of her room, as far aay as possible from her family's prying ears.

She kept it short and sweet as she made the announcement. "Me and Seth are going up to my room to listen to some music. We'll be down for dinner. 'Bye." She didn't give anyone a chance to protest or object or threaten or snarl; she grabbed Seth by the wrist, and was half-way up the second staircase before she heard her father open his mouth.

Up in Renesmee's room, she finally allowed herself to relax. A little bit. She had the horrible sinking feeling that she was going to be doing some fighting and yelling later that night, but she didn't want to worry about that just then. She walked across her room, and Seth automatically followed close behind. She gracefully twisted around and flopped down onto her huge white bed in one smooth motion, laying in her favorite position: Back to the covers, staring up at her ceiling. She felt the bed jostle ever so slightly at one end as Seth slid over to sit with her on the end, by her head. She grabbed a fluffy white pillow to move it out of his way, and sighed. She grabbed the remote to her stereo that she rarely ever used to actually turn the system on, and flipped it on to some song by Breaking Benjamin. Then she let her head flop back down, and she spread her arms out in random, spread-eagled positions as she closed her large sorrel eyes. She didn't need to have her eyes open to know that Seth was looking at her; she could feel his gaze on her face, and well as his warm breath brushing against her cheek.

He started talking before she could say anything, and his tone was apologetic. "Nessie, I'm so sorry I got you into crap with your parents. If I had known that something like that would have happened, I would have never, I swear-"

"Seth. You didn't do anything. So you have absolutely nothing to apologize for." A small smile escaped her lips as she continued. 'So logically, this would be the part where you just stopped saying sorry, and start saying something I wouldn't mind _hearing_. Seth was hard to divert; his weight shifted on the bed ever so slightly, so Renesmee could tell he was looking directly into her face. She flipped her eyes tiredly open, and found them staring into huge dark brown ones full of concern. His strongly chiselled jaw was set with uncertainty as he asked "Are you sure?" The grin on her face widened as she reached up to rearrange a stray tuft of hair in his black mane. 'I'm one hundred percent sure, Seth. If my parents decide to yell at me for this, then that's they're problem. I'm _not _going to be intimidated just because I'm the only half-vampire. If they yell...I guess I'll just have to yell back. And everything will be fine. It always is." The throb in her chest panged almost as if in irritation as it reminded her that what she had said was a lie, even though she knew it perfectly well already. Because everything most defenitely was _not_ okay. Jacob had been gone for almost two months.....

Her attention was diverted from thoughts of Jacob and where he might be when Seth caught her tiny hand in his own enormous one, and held it to his face, so tenderly it seemed he was afraid to break it. He leaned his head down into it, closed his eyes, and made a throaty sound of contentment. A strange feeling washed through Renesmee as her second best friend did this, and then moved on to entertaining himself by playing with each one of her fingers individually. She seemed frozen, and could only stare up at him with wide, curious fox-colored eyes. What was Seth _doing_? Why would he face the wrath of someone like Edward Cullen, just so he could sit with her in her room and play with her fingers like an innocent little seven year old? How could she be worth it to him, when all she had done since the day Jacob left was be bitter and blind? She couldn't find an answer that made sense, no matter how hard she tried. But as she layed there on her bed, looking up at him, it was as if she was studying him from an entirely new light. His mature, tired face was suddenly child-like and beautiful to her, angelic and full of awed wonder as he stared down at her. For some unfathomable reason, Seth had drug her kicking and screaming through the last two months, and had never asked for a thing in return. Laying there now, she felt as if there was nothing he could have asked for that she wouldn't have given. Because just then, Jacob was more than her second best friend. He was something dearer, sweeter, stronger to her than the word "friend" could ever describe. Like a child she had given birth to, or someone who had saved her life. A strange feeling, almost like a ghost of her heart growing again, was raising back up in her throat. It made her gasp sharply, and the sound made Seth freeze. Everything went toppling back out of the angelic light at that moment; as if it was being thrown back down to earth, Seth's face went back to normal, and the feeling inside her died down and dwindled away to nothing. The jarring transition seemed to shorten her breath, and she struggled for air as Seth looked down at her with the strangest burning expression in his eyes, which were now nearly black. He removed her hand from his face looking almost abashed, and then the burning in those eyes was gone as soon as it had appeared. She managed to catch her breath just as Seth said "maybe I should get my tail back to La Push, huh Nessie?" Something that a cross between a chuckle and a wheeze escaped her as she weakly nodded and whispered 'Maybe. Sam will worry about you, if you stay too late. You know how he gets." Seth's expression darkened and his tone was slightly bitter as he replied "Yeah. Wouldn't want him to have anything else to worry about."

After Seth had gone, Renesmee didn't have to wait long for the blow out she had been tensed for. Her father was being unusually unkind to the silverware as he hacked and chopped at the ingredients necessary to make Nessie's dinner. And the moment she said a word to him, he had blown up. "Just what is it that you think you're doing with that DOG?" His voice had been vicious and harsh as he spat the words at Renesmee, and his glare was even worse. For a moment, Renesmee was staggered. But then she got angry. All of her training and discipline, as well as the raging lust for dominance born from her vampire genes was rushing through her system as her small hands balled into fists, and she met her fathers glare with a vicious one of her own. You could practically _hear_ the clash of the two strongest wills of the family pushing against eachother; like sparks flying from a flint, or rams smashing they're horns together. Obviously, this was something Jasper couldn't miss, and it wasn't five seconds later that the rest of the entire Cullen household was in the kitchen with them, switching glances from the glare of Renesmee's unbudgeably stubborn sorrel eyes to Edward's indignantly outraged and blazing golden ones. "I was up in my room, listening to music. Like I SAID I would be." Her voice was all the evidence needed to see that Renesmee was seriously pissed, but her father forged ruthlessly ahead. 'There's absolutely no reason for that mangy mutt to be here day in and day out the way he has been since November." Bella and Esme gasped when they heard Edward refer to his friend Seth that way, but Renesmee paid them barely any mind at all. Because she had only heard three words. 'Mangy mutt", and "November." And she was just about ready to try ripping her father's throat out.

From there, it took maybe a minute for the fight to launch into a full-blown screaming war, and less than ten seconds after that for the rest of her family to gang up on her about it.

"It's improper for him to be here this often-"

"The kid doesn't have his head in the right place, Nessie-"

"His emotions are giving him away very badly-"

"The dog is going to DIE-"

_"Stop it!!!!!" _Renesmee's voice sounded stung and insulted when she yelled for silence. It fell quickly afterwards, like a blanket of snow muffling a long abandoned village square. "_NONE of you understand what Seth has helped me through! I lost a BEST friend, and I have no idea if he's ever coming BACK! I spend time with Seth because I WANT to! And you all have to go and be a bunch of sick idiots, and twist everything a million miles out of proportion! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!!"_

Edward had made a springing lung for Renesmee as soon as she turned to flee, but she managed to be a millisecond faster than him; she burst out into the cold of the January night air in nothing but a T-Shirt, Jeans and sneakers as she barrelled through the front door. She slammed it behind her, and then she was gone, streaking like a shooting star across the lawn, into the forest, and into the intraceable darkness of the perfect getaway nightfall. It was freezing, but for some reason she wasn't cold; she felt one hundred percent vampire as she ran aimlessly away, not caring where she went, as long as it was away from her father. As she ran, the throb in her chest was absolutely screaming at her, and the pain was so much that a single tear went sliding down her cheek. It was the first tear she had cried since the night her heart had grown to the size of a geological anomily, and a small whimpering noise escaped her as she felt it go sliding down, and then as she wiped it away before it could freeze there. Where the _hell_ was her best friend? She needed him so much.....

_~**End Of Flashback**~_

Renesmee didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until she was jerked suddenly awake by pure adrenaline from her memory. And as her awareness came rushing quickly backto her, so did the rest of the night's events. She had stayed in the forest, high up in a sicamore stree until sometime early in the morning of January 21st. She was pretty much frozen solid, and she had finally had to admit defeat to her body's need for warmth. She had stiffly walked all the way back to the Cullen estate, and climbed stealthily and silently back in through a third story window by leaping from a nearby tree; it was a trick Jacob had shown her a long time ago. She knew perfectly well that every member of her family could hear her, but she didn't care. She went staright to her room, where she closed the door, shimmied out of her clothing and into some PJ's, and had literally fallen into bed. Two hours later, she was here. Still awake, miserable, and listening to her family talk about what she had done. This was not what she was so upset about; she was upset about what they all said about Seth. He was so close to her now- she _practically needed_ him. So how could they do something like this to her? If Seth had anything but friendship in mind, Renesmee would have been able to tell. She was completely sure of it.

_~Jacob P.O.V~_

Jacob Ephraim Black was completely and utterly spent. He had worked and strained all day long with Iliana, and his stamina, energy, and patience were all impossibly near an end. But despite all of this, he was bursting with excitement. Why? Because Iliana was so close to shifting, you could practically see the difference in her structure; the way her molecules had shifted and changed. He couldn't see it taking more than another week. And then he would be back home. Back with his pack. Back as the Alpha wolf. He would get to see his dad again. And of course, he would be reunited with Renesmee. At this point, it was the only thing that kept him going, kept him striving towards his frustrating goal. Not a second passed these days were she was not obscuring his thoughts with her sweet image, and Jacob knew; if he didn't get back to her soon, he was going to go insane.

_Hang on, Nessie. I'm coming!_

_**Okay, I'm sorry if this was a bit off towards the end, but it was 12:50 on a school night, and I was half-way delirious. I am making a promise here, people- you have been eternally patient with me, and you're patience is about to be rewarded! Only a maximum of TWO more separation chapters, and then we are all going to be hearing again from a certain Mr. Jacob Black! Tahnk you Thank you THANK YOU for you're perserverance, and please keep reviewing!**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	15. Indecision

_**Here it is, people! The chapter marking only ONE TO Go BEFORE jACOB COMES BACK! I am SO psyched to finally get this story rolling, and I am SO CLOSE!!!! Enjoy this chapter. ^.^**_

When Renesmee headed down the staircase and into the kitchen the next morning, it was every bit as quiet as she had expected it to be. Her statuesque family was being -well- statuesque; none of them had really moved more than to glance at her guiltily through the corner of they're eye from the time she had crossed the room's threshold. And Renesmee was in no hurry to break the silence; she walked calmly and leisurely to the fridge, where she grabbed a pitcher of two percent. She hunted herself up a glass bowl, and some wheatey flakes, and then coolly walked to the antique kitchen table. She settled down to breakfast without saying a word, and her family just tried to watch her while making it look like they _weren't_ watching her.

It wasn't that she was particularly angry with her family anymore; she just didn't feel like breaking the silence and then hearing they're apologies. Because she didn't want to be apologized to; they never should have even said what they did. Because of that, it just felt like no matter _what_ they said, it wouldn't be adaquent. It would just re-annoy her, and she actually wanted to be in a _good_ mood for once. So she just crunched her wheatey flakes, drank her milk, slipped on her shoes, and grabbed her bag. None her motions too hurried, but none of them slow enough to make them think she was waiting for them to say something. And then she was gone, walking out the front door and down the long driveway to where faithful Seth was already waiting in his faithful old Sentra.

On the way to the reservation highschool, she pulled a scratchpad and a pen from her bag and started doodling little absent-mided shapes. She wasn't really paying much attention to what she was drawing- she was too busy thinking about other things. As she continued to just scribble something onto the pad, she noticed that Seth was watching her, not paying as much attention as he should to the road in front of him, just attentively observing her actions as if it were fascinating. And as he watched _her_, she watched _him_, watching her. And what she saw was a very watered-down reflection of the beautiful, angelic little boy she loved with all her heart, the one that felt like he had come from her own self. The one she had only seen once before; yesterday afternoon, in her bedroom. It was Wednesday, January 23rd; just four days after she had woken up out of the fog. And she was absolutely floored in amazement at how much she could already feel again; it was almost as if she could, with her vampire mind, see and feel _more_ than she had been able to before she went into that fog in the first place.

She was snapped out of her reverie when Seth suddenly gasped- a sharp, shocked intake of breath drawn in through his teeth. Her large fox colored eyes snapped up to his dark ones, which were still fixed on her paper. Confused, she looked down at it- and realization dawned on her. Because she had only just now actually stopped to look at what she had drawn. And it shocked _her_, too. She gave a startled little huff. Blinked several her mouth, and then closed it. Blinked again, hard.

Because she had drawn a wolf. Long, lean, and beautifully graceful, his head was tipped back as he let out a piercing, sorrowful howl to the large, pearly white moon hanging above his head, surrounded by shaded sky and brilliant stars. She didn't understand how she could have drawn it without even looking _once_. But that wasn't even the part that shocked her most; the reason she was unsuccessfully trying to breath, why she was blinking furiously and shaking her head infestimentally from side to side in disbelief was because the wolf, without a doubt, was a portrait of Seth Clearwater. She was absolutely certain the moment the image imprinted itself onto her eyes. It wasn't just because he was shaded in with a suggestedly sandy color, either- it was the eyes. _His_ eyes, large and dark, but shining with genuine light and warmth; the kind of sunshine that she had learned only _Seth_ could excude.

"Pretty," she murmered.

"More like insane," he muttered back.

Renesmee wasn't quite sure what to _do_ with this picture she hadn't even known she was drawing. Should she keep it? Some part of her really wanted to, but a stronger part of her was telling her to do something else. She decided to listen to the side that was yelling louder. Picking up her pencil again, she signed the bottom of the page with a flourish, and then wrote Seth's name underneath it. Then she handed it out to him. "For you," she said simply.

It was only when he had reached out, taken the picture, and carefully tucked it into his glovebox that Renesmee noticed that they were parked in the school's lot. She had no idea when they had gotten there.

Seth led her into the school as usual, and once they were inside, they were surrounded by they're quileute friends, and Renesmee temporarily forgot about the picture. Everyone in the group, including her, had a major workload of projects, major assignments, and deadlined thesises to finish in the next couple days; this was the result of procrastination on they're parts that was so defined it could probably be considered an art. And they were _really_ hitting the grinding board because of it _now. _Renesmee was picked up and tucked under one of Paul's arms like a football, and carried to the library. People stared and whispered the whole way there; they pointed, snickered, and sneered at Paul. Just like they always did. But Renesmee's blood never got a chance to come to a boil; Paul surprised them _all_, even _Embry_, by reacting in a way that none of them would have ever expected. Something they had stopped hoping for a long time ago. Paul was _smiling_. He met the eyes of every one of his tormentors, cheerfully staring them down until they looked away, squirming with discomfort. Occasionally, he would wave. His shoulders were not bowed with hateful anticipation like they usually were, but straight and proud, and unafraid. Seemingly unbreakable, in Renesmee's wide, sorrel eyes. And Renesmee did her part, too. Even though it was hard for her to look menacing positioned on a sideways angle, balanced on Pauls hip and with her face swinging in and out of view with the motion of his walk, she did her best. She brushed her long, long hair out of her eyes so that it was almost touching the floor, and steadily stared at every single one of the little bastards with the "Cullen Stare". She had her arms crossed, not needing to clutch Paul's arm for support, and in this stance, it was easy to see why she had earned those eyes a reputation for giving people chills. It was the best support she could offer, under the circumstances- she couldn't even stand upright at the moment. But it was all Paul needed from her; he was doing better than she had thought he ever would again, all by himself.

As Renesmee wordlessly watched the people go by as Paul carried her down the hallway, she surveyed each face, read all the emotions behind each shallow pair of teenage eyes. Every single one held some gross mixture of awe and malicious spite- and she hated every one of them, at that moment. That was when the shock came. Because within the rows and rows of hateful masks, there was one face that was different. A face that didn't hold any of the contempt or hatred or mockery or maliciousness that all the others did. It held awe, and a sort of soft admiration that made Renesmee's glaring eyes open wide with shock. It was a girl, about Renesmee's age, from the looks of her. She towered over Renesmee; she would only be about half a head shorter than Paul, standing next to him. But she was beautiful. Graceful and willowy, her skin was smooth and pale like ivory satin, and her features were exquisitely pointed and elfin. Smooth, defined lips were placed over a proud chin and under a long, straight nose. Her cheeks were faintly flushed with Primrose, and two soft yet steadily piercing eyes that were a deep lagoon green stared directly at Paul. On either side of her beautiful face hung two long, straight curtains of glossy dark hair, not quite black, but very close. Renesmee had never seen this girl before, but she only had to look once, and she knew. A bone-deep flash of intuition that Bella would never be able to take parental credit for rocked it's way through Renesmee's system, sending off flashing red alarms in every corner of Renesmee's mind. But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't quite grasp what her inner self was trying to tell her about this girl. The girl with the only face who didn't sneer. And then she was gone; Paul had walked by her without seeing her, and she was lost from Renesmee's scope of vision. The moment was lost, shattered in the silence of the hallway, and Renesmee's mind was left in whirling confusion.

_What the HELL was THAT?_

In another minute, the entire gang was in the library, and Renesmee had to force her focus back to them, and away from the mystery girl. Paul set her gently back onto the ground, and then Embry took her hand and dragged her immediately over to the section on world maps for the project she had to somehow complete by tomorrow. Even though Renesmee had easily achieved the top mark in all of her classes because of her super human intelligence, the ache in her chest had been draining her pretty badly lately, and she really didn't feel up to completing any big tasks.

But of course she should have known that Embry would help her. He was every bit as smart as her, and as a bonus, he could reach the really high up books that she would normally have to do something "abnormal" to get. They grabbed armfuls of the appropriate books, and then headed over to a table where the rest of their friends were already diligently working at projects of they're own. Renesmee scootched her chair up close to Embry's so they could share a book to pore over, and within moments she was lost in a blur of color, shapes and symbols. While part of her expansively large mind worked on Geography and then Trigonometry, the main portion of it wandered to where it always did whenever there was an opprotunity.... behind her open and staring eyes, visions of Jacob danced through her head. As it always did, the pang in her chest rang out painfully when she thought of Jacob, making her dizzy. But she could tolerate this level of pain easily, and she didn't stop. Jacob's smile, aimed at her, shining in competition with the sun. Jacob's dark skin, so wonderful and exotic and mysterious to her, and yet something comfortable, well known, and safe all at the same time. Jacob's voice, deep and strong, husky when he got emotional. His scent- something musky and warm, like wood spice; a smell that used to lull her to sleep when she was little, and cradled in his arms. So many memories swimming through her head, all of them Jacob. Jacob and her.

The next week passed in another of those blurs that Renesmee never saw coming, but always had to put up with, anyway. This was yet another thing that had come along after Jacob packed it up; Renesmee could lose days, and even a couple of weeks in seemingly the blink of an eye. It wasn't the same numb indifference to time passing as the fog had brought on; it was simply as if she was living in fast forward- she could feel every moment of what happened to her. And she was still an active participant; her zombie days were defenitely over. And it wasn't as if she was un-anchored; the soreness in her chest took care of that. It held her grounded to consiousness, tied to a fight that she actually felt she could win. The ringing ache was a part of her, and it attached itself to her dedication to keep going. And it was like a steel cord that couldn't be cut or snapped. Unbreakable. She didn't spend too much time contemplating it; she simply knew that it was there to save her, and that it wouldn't fail. And with that in mind, she let the time pass with a smile.

Their time was mainly consumed by school; homework, assignments, and even the occassional field-trip kept them all running, struggling to stay on schedule. After they finished slaving over their homework every night, they would all do something together. The guys and Leah usually had patrol, so one member of the pack would always stay behind with Renesmee at who'sever house they were staying in- it was usually the Clearwater's. Sue wasn't home much anymore; she was spending more and more of her time with Renesmee's grandpa Charlie. So they had the house to themselves. Embry would help her study. Paul would set something on fire and roast marshmellows over it with her. Leah always insisted on doing her hair and then her makeup. Quil would take her out to the beach or the cliffs or the convenience store, even though it was too cold for diving. They would just sit on the edge of the cliff and talk. She didn't see much of Sam or Jared, Sam because he was the fill-in Alpha and always needed, and Jared because he was his right-hand man. But it didn't matter, because she was always kept busy anyway. They also spent a bunch of time over at Emily's. This excited Renesmee a _lot_;she hadn't seen the beautiful Quileute woman with the marring red scars in what felt like a millenia, and she missed her. So when they showed up on the front porch for the first time, she was practically bouncing with excitement. Excitement that only mounted after she had thrown herself at Emily in a hug, when she noticed the faint but distinguishable bump between the girl's hips. At another long look, Renesmee saw that Emily wore pregnancy extremely well; a faint flush lingered in her cheeks, and her sparkling eyes were huge with excitement and happiness. Her entire body eminated a healthy, happy glow. And it made her look even more heartbreakingly beautiful than she always was. And it was plain for all to see exactly how overjoyed Sam was, too. He was bursting with pride and love, so much so that he could barely stand to leave his wife's side; he stepped up and wrapped his arm around her waist even as Renesmee took a step back to survey them.

The visit went well, and Renesmee started going back every day with whoever was with her. Because the baby was going to be a werewolf, it possessed slightly excellerated growth; nothing like the rate at which Renesmee had grown, but still faster than a regular baby. Because of this, they believed that the child would be able to hear already. Hear, and possibly see. So Renesmee took to pressing her small hand to Emily's stomach, and projecting pictures of beautiful sunsets and waterfalls and forest scenery to the growing baby inside. "It's so he grows up with an appreciation for beauty," she explained to Emily with a smile. Emily smiled mischieviously back at her and asked "And how do you know it's going to be a boy, Renesmee?" Renesmee shrugged, still smiling. "I just have this....feeling." She didn't know how to explain it, but she was one hundred percent certain that Sam and Emily Uley's baby was going to be a strong, beautiful little boy. For some reason, both Sam _and_ Emily thought they were going to have a little girl, something the rest of the pack thought was downright hilarious. "It's just cuz' Sam has always secretly wanted to go dress shopping, and if he gets a little girl he'll finally be able to," Paul snickered. Bad move to make in Sam's presense, they all found out. Paul found himself dragged off by a very angry father-to-be werewolf Alpha, and that was the end of the dress shopping joke. However, it was by _no_ means the end of the Paul-Got-His-Ass-Handed-To-Him-By-A-Dress-Buying-Daddy-Wolf joke.

And of course, there was Seth. He crammed himself into every corner, every crack, every spare little space of her life. So she was never, ever alone. She spent most of each school day with him, and he was the one to stay behind with her from patrols the most often, even though the rest of the pack seemed to always get really angry at him for it. Embry would give him this horrible, furious glare and then Seth would bow down his head in something that looked like guilty shame. And Renesmee really wanted to ask him about it, but it was as if something was holding her back. She couldn't make the words form right in her mouth, couldn't push them out into her own harmonious voice to ask the question. Was she afraid of the answer? Why would she be? But whatever the reason was, she couldn't do it. And he didn't offer up the information without her asking, so Renesmee had no clue. However, he always took the glares and the cryptic, biting warnings on the chin and stayed with her anyways. Just so he could be with her. At that point, Renesmee always had to shake her head. Seth's devotion was beyond reason, not to mention his own self-interest. He was there for her, no matter the cost. Whatever it took. And her family was trying to convince her that she didn't need to spend so much time with him? That he wasn't worth all the time she invested in him? He deserved _more_ than what she was giving him. So much more. She didn't understand why he hung around her and put up with all the crap he did, just for her. Next to Jacob, he had become her very, very best friend. And everytime she looked at him now, there was that strong swelling feeling as her heart filled with love, and through her eyes she could see the little angel of a boy that was a flesh and blood part of her. That she would give up anything for, do anything for. The one she wanted to be happy.

The next night, Renesmee had already gone home, and was dressed in her pajamas, which were grey plaid boxers and a dark blue tank top. She was sitting at her dressing table, brushing out her hair in front of the mirror. Seth had taken her hunting that day, and there were a _lot _of knots from the rushing wind. So she was trying her best to whack through the waist length ringleting waves without doing permanent damage when she heard a slight noise at her window. Her head whipped around to locate the source of the noise, but there was nothing. Filled with curiousity, she padded barefoot across her dark hardwood floor to the open window. The white curtains were swaying gently in the nightfall's wind, and she placed her small hands tentatively on the window sill and pushed herself out over the edge to look at the ground far below.

She never got a chance to see the ground.

A mass, flying shape attacked her, came flying at her from where it had been bunched under the window sill, waiting for her. It knocked her all the way across the room so that they both landed on the huge white bed, which gave a small groan of protest at what was a _lot_ of weight. Because this thing that was crushing Renesmee into the bed was _huge_, and very very heavy. Heavy, and _warm_. No sooner had she made this observation than her training had kicked in, and she grabbed the thing on top of her, and shoved. It gave way under her massive strength, and she twisted partly away from it, grabbing the dagger she always kept hidden by her nightstand. She locked her legs in around the attacker's waist and then gave it's chest another shove with her free hand. It fell back onto the bed with a thump, and she scrambled to sit down, putting all her weight on they're torso. She raised the knife high with both hands, ready to plunge it into the person's heart.

'Um, Nessie? That's gonna hurt a bit more than just biting me would, if you catch my drift."

Renesmee almost dropped the knife _anyway_ from pure shock at hearing that voice. But she managed to throw it onto the floor before she collapsed onto the bed next to the person and frustratedly hissed "Seth. What _the hell_ was the point of that? You almost got a dagger shoved down your throat, you idiot."

Seth let out a low chuckle as he untangled himself from Nessie and propped himself up on one elbow. His eyes were alight with mischief as he surveyed her face, shocked and pissed at the same time, and her tumble of dark, just-brushed hair all around her in disarray. "Aw, c'mon, Ness. It was just a joke. I was just playing." Renesmee wasn't in a joking _or_ playful mood at the moment. "Why are you here, Seth?" Seth actually blushed a little, and his eyes came down to rest on her hand laying in front of him on the covers before he mumbled "I just came to see you." Her mouth fell open, and then closed again before she could weakly reply "At eleven at night?" The blush deepened and he ducked his head farther down as he managed a sheepish grin. "I missed you, so I decided I would come, just.....y'know. Hang out." She rolled onto her back and stared up at him with an exasperated expression before she asked "Does any of my family know you're here?" The grin widened, and turned a little evil. 'Oh, I'm sure they all do. But since you haven't let them apologize yet, I'm betting they still think you're mad at them about me. They're guilt will be enough to keep them from kicking me out."

She reached out to tug on a lock of his shaggy black hair. "Don't be such a jerk. They _should_ feel guilty for what they pulled; I'm not denying that. But that doesn't mean you get to manipulate them with it." His eyes grew sad and moody and his lower lip jutted out in a depressed pout. He looked her in the eye. "Does that mean you want me to go?" Instantaneously, she made a sound of protest, and reached out for him. She grabbed him, and pulled herself over tolay at his side, in a position where she could still look at his face. Fox colored eyes held endless black ones as inescapably as a steel vice as she told him slowly and steadily "No. I don't want you to go, Seth. Stay." And she meant what she said. She _didn't_ want him to go. Now that he was here, she was just realizing how much she had actually missed him when he was gone. She didn't think she would be able to let him go, now that she knew how much she wanted his company. Luckily, he seemed all too willing to stay; a grin that didn't hold a trace of sheepishness broke free and stretched across his features, and when he spoke, his voice was cheerful. 'Alright then." He held his long, muscular arms out to her, and she curled up into them like a child. He wrapped them around her and locked her to his chest, where she could feel the burning warmth of his skin through his plain white t-shirt. Her face was turned away from him, so she couldn't look at him any more. But she let her head rest on his arm, and she felt comfortable and safe. It didn't matter that Seth was pretty much the youngest member of the LaPush pack and she was a half vampire that could beat the living hell out of any kind of threat Forks could ever cook up for her. This was the safest Renesmee had felt since the night of November first. The night Jacob left. It was now Tuesday, January 29th; Jacob had been gone for ninety-one days now. Her lips silently moved as she did the math in her head, and the number made the ache in her chest ring painfully and large tears gather in her eyes. Was Jacob ever coming back?

_He must have really not wanted me anymore. Maybe....maybe he's really gone._

With that thought ringing through her mind, Renesmee's eyes closed, and she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

_**Thanks for reading this chapter, guys. For all of you thinking that Renesmee needs a serious reality check: Don't worry. She's gonna get it. Soon. Only one more chapter to go, and then the story REALLY starts!!!**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	16. My Dearest Darling

_**Here it is, people: The very last chapter of Seperation. Oh, it's so exciting! It's like Christmas! (Which, by the way, is only 34 days away.) Enjoy! ^.^**_

Renesmee woke up sometime in the early morning to discover that Seth wasn't on the bed anymore. But he was most defenitely still in the room with her; she could easily smell him, and when she concentrated on her hearing, she could detect his deep, peaceful breathing. _Asleep_, she assessed. Not having to worry about waking him, she rolled over soundlessly onto her other side, and through the opening of her widely parted hangings, she could see everything. The moon was shining bright and full outside, and it may as well have been hanging a foot from her window; every surface, every nook and cranny of her room was lit up with silvery white moonlight, throwing some of the strangest, most beautiful twisting shadows Renesmee had ever seen. Even the air seemed to be charged with some sort of electrified ghostly magnificence, and the breath-taking awe of it made Renesme's spine tingle and the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Her wide eyes caught a reflection of herself in the mirror across the room, and her superhuman pupils dilated to let her take in the sight. The sight of her own eyes. Because shining in this unearthly light, they weren't they're normal color anymore. They were shining, blazing with an eerily beautiful light, and they were the color of......crystallized roses. The moonlight somehow brought out the red in her eyes, but also simultaneously lightened the shade, mixing it with a silver much like the moonlight itself. The result was enchanting, hyptnotizing, mesmerizing. Unlike anything Renesmee had ever seen before. Those eyes, her own eyes, were sucking her in, rendering her incapable of looking away from they're alien beauty. But Renesmee hadn't rolled over in the first place to look at herself; she wanted to find Seth. So she ripped her eyes away from the eyes in the mirror, still feeling a little stunned, and looked around the rest of the room. Everything had been transformed into a silvery fairy land, and it took her a moment to locate him. He was propped up against the wall, next to the window, and peacefully asleep. His face was turned towards her, and staring upon his features, a painful twisting wrench ripped it's way across Renesmee's stomach; in his sleep, he was so beautiful it hurt.

Because when he was asleep, _anyone_ could clearly see the little angel that Renesmee always saw. Saw, and so dearly loved. It had always been inside him; that much she knew. Because this beautiful little human being was the _real_ him. Seth on the _inside_. This gorgeous little boy with the peaceful face that had seemingly been carved out of love and innocence itself. Seth had a pure soul, one of the purest Renesmee had ever seen, or felt. This was simply what that soul made him look like in her eyes. And he was so beautiful that it made Renesmee want to cry. To distract herself from the tears she was sure were about to fall, she looked at her alarm clock on the nightstand beside her. The little flashing blue numbers read 3:44 a.m. So he had been here for about four hours now. For the first time, she felt the cold of the air on her skin, and she curled up and wrapped her slender arms around her legs to keep herself warm. She couldn't bring herself to wake him; she just wanted to let him sleep. With her eyes wide and full of wonder, she watched Seth's face until she fell back asleep.

The next couple days were blurrier than usual again, and Renesmee was swept off her feet by the current. Mr. Ateara had presented her project that Embry had helped her with to the entire class, and then handed everyone a new one, due in three days time. Of course Embry jumped all over _that_, and the next day was spent on graphing and charting and mapping and locating with compasses. By the time he sat back on his heels and pulled her with him exclaiming they were done, she had vicious compass cramp. He ended up rubbing it out for her, and then they went hunting for some dinner- she wasn't in the mood for human food that day. They downed a couple of elk, because they were in a hurry, and then rushed back to the house, where Sam was waiting for them so they could start up patrols.

It was Leah's turn to stay with Renesmee that day, so the spiky haired female werewolf started setting up her things to stay until late that night. Sam, Embry, Quil, Paul, Seth and Jared all left after a quick conference. But not before Renesmee could see the pained look in Seth's eyes when he had to leave her. It was only about five o' clock, and Renesmee had time to kill. So she pulled out some Monarchaic History homework and settled down Quil's living room floor, where they had situated themselves for the day. Sighing, she reached for a pen to put titles on all of her work.

_The Kings And Queens Of Wales, by Renesmee Cullen, Period One, February 2nd._

......February second? How had so much time passed? She didn't even realize that they had made the transfer out of January, and now she was two days into the next month. _Get it together, Renesmee. _Shaking her head at herself, she settled down to her textbook questions about people who had died two hundred years ago.

That only lasted for so long though, and then her homework was finished and Leah was bored. Her light brown almond shaped eyes kept on darting over to the make up bag she had brought with her to Quil's house, and then over to Renesmee's face. Renesmee watched her do this over and over again, getting more and more exasperated as the seconds passed. Finally she figured that she might as well just put Leah out of her misery before she spontaneously combusted; she gave a huge sigh, and then growled "Oh, you might as well. Go ahead, do whatever you want. OH! But Leah? Easy on the liner this time." Leah let out a joyful crow of victory, and grabbed the makeup bag. About ten seconds later she had the entire contents of the bag spread out on the floor, and Renesmee's face held hostage in the iron grip of a woman with a mascara stick. And it wasn't like they were quiet; as Leah applied makeup and Renesmee winced and grimaced and made faces, they talked. They talked about schoolwork and complained about they're least favorite teachers; Ms. Sanders got a bashing that would make stronger women than her break down. They discussed clothes, and music, and how things were at home. Renesmee participated half-heartedly in the conversation, smiling at the look of intense concentration on Leah's face as she ever so carefully made up her face. This took a good hour, and it was close to six thirty before she made a satisfied noise, and reached for a mirror to show Renesmee the result of all her hard work.

Renesmee spared herself a glance in the large hand-held mirror to please Leah, and then let her move on to her hair. As Leah gathered up all the long strands of curling, wavy dark hair and started to work with them, Renesmee let her eyes close, and her senses reach out all around her. She swayed ever so slightly to the motion of Leah's swift hands combing through her hair, and she just let herself experience the feeling of everything she could detect surrounding her. She could feel energy, her own energy flowing through her powerfully and unrelentlessly. She could hear many small rustlings and the occassional bird singing. She heard the whisper of fabric against fabric as she and Leah's jean's crinkled against the creamish colored carpet beneath them. And she could hear........_wait a minute._ Her eyes flew open, and she lurched forward; but that was okay. Leah had released her hair at the same moment she had opened her eyes. Both of them were now in crouches on the floor, eyes looking downward in glares of intense concentration, ears straining to hear every sound. _It couldn't be._ Patrols weren't supposed to be over for hours yet, so none of the guys would be home. And nothing else in Forks that _wasn't_ under treaty to stay off the reservation was as quiet as the thing moving around outside at that moment. Something was outside, sneaking up to the front of the house. And it was about five times too quiet to be human. And if it wasn't the guys, and it wasn't one of the Cullens....then what _was_ it? Renesmee felt a low snarl escape her mouth as she shifted her crouch towards the living room doorway, and Leah automatically did the same, bunching her muscles so that she was ready to spring or strike alternatively. And they waited that way.

They didn't have to wait long.

They heard the door open, so quietly it was like a whisper of wind. They heard soft, bare footsteps creep virtually without a sound across the well-worn linoleum of the Ateara kitchen floor. Her lip rose off of her teeth when she heard a single exhale of breath. That was when the person emerged into the living room.

_Oh,for God's sake. Not again. _Renesmee could almost taste her annoyance as recognition dawned on her. Apparently, it dawned on her faster than Leah, because the girl beside her was now springing across the room. Renesmee threw out an arm to her side and clamped one hand around Leah's left wrist like an iron band at a speed too fast for human eyes, pulling her in mid spring back to her side. Then she just closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief, waiting for the eruption that was about to take place.

Again, she didn't have to wait long. About another second, maybe. And then...

_"SEEEETH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE, YOU IDIOT!? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON PATROLS, WITH THE REST OF THE PACK! YOU SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF US, YOU RETARDED BASTARD! WHY THE HELL---!" _Leah was so worked up and furious that she couldn't even continue. Either that, or she couldn't think up a bad enough name to call her brother. Renesmee wasn't sure which. Seth didn't even look abashed as he coolly replied 'I'm here to see Nessie. Got a problem?" He shot Renesmee a blinding smile, and she did her best in her staggered state to return it, although she wasn't quite sure why. It was as opposite as night and day to the thunderous look of outrage on Leah's face. Her fists clenched down at her sides and her eyes actually seemed to shoot sparks as she hissed "_Yes,_ I have a problem!!" She had to take another deep breath. 'You're not supposed to be here for like, another four hours, Seth. Why the hell are you here?" His voice was slow when he responded, as if he were humoring her. "I already told you. I'm here to see Renesmee." A low hiss of pent up anger escaped Leah, and this time, Seth's eyes narrowed. Leah continued. 'It's not you're turn to stay with her, Seth. You have to go do you're patrols." He simply shook his head. 'I need to see her."

By this point, Renesmee was so confused that she could barely keep up with the conversation. But the two Clearwaters kept right on arguing.

"Look, I don't know what you're malfunction is, but you've got to go back to Sam like a good little boy. Now." Leah moved and put her hand up on his chest, as if to give him a shove. So fast human eyes could never see it, Seth grabbed her wrist with crushing force, and held it gripped in front of him, about to her eye level. 'I don't think so," he hissed.

And then, suddenly, he had released Leah's arm. Released Leah's arm, and grabbed Renesmee around the waist. He bent down to her ear and murmered "Ness, I have to tell you something important. We're going for a run, 'kay?" His voice was sweet and soft and not at all angry like it just had been, and all Renesmee could do was nod. And then Leah was lunging for them but it was too late because they were already gone. As soon as they were out of the house, Seth phased into a giant sandy wolf, and he flung Renesmee up onto his back with the momentum of his spring. Then they took off running. Leah was behind them about five seconds later, but Seth had gotten faster; five seconds was all the headway they needed. They were nearing the borderline that she couldn't cross at a very fast rate, and within moments, they were safe. Seth kept running, faster than any car could ever drive, towards the Cullen's house. Renesmee's superhuman eyes kept on the lookout for witnesses. An old man was watering his garden up ahead. She warned Seth, who reacted accordingly by jumping up onto the man's neighbor's garage and sailing over his head, landing silently, and then continuing to run.

They made it to Renesmee's house in record time, and she and Seth were both surprised to see that nobody was home. Not even Esme. Seth dropped Renesmee off at the front door, and then ran around to the back of the house to phase and retrieve some of the clothes he always had stashed back there. A minute later he reappeared, and he led Renesmee into the empty house. She looked up at the clock on the wall, and it read 7:15 p.m. Her family would be home soon, wherever they had gone. She turned her gaze to Seth in slight bewilderment, and he smiled reassuringly at her. She smiled back, a real smile this time, and led him up the stairs to her room, where they could talk.

Once they were in Renesmee's room, she headed right for the bed. She needed to sit down really bad, and she was afraid that if she didn't, she would fall down and embarrass herself. Seth followed her without hesitation, and within the next moment, they were both sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed. She looked at him curiously as she asked "What's up, Seth? You look kinda nervous." He _did_ look nervous; he was playing with the ripples on the bedspread, avoiding making eye contact with her. There was a faint flush to his cheeks. And was his breathing a little off? Yep. There was _defenitely_ something wrong with him. That was what was running through her mind as he took both of her hands in his own. Or at least, that was what she _had_ been thinking, and then her mind just turned into a humming blank of surprised shock as soon as her hands were in his. She suddenly had the feeling that he had something _very_ important to tell her.

He forced himself to look up at her as he started. "Nessie, I've been keeping something from you. Something big. Something you should know." This did absolutely _nothing_ for the cloud of confusion swirling in her head, but she managed to nod as if she understood. He continued. "I could really get into a giant shitload of trouble for this, because nobody approves of it. Sorry about this, but you're kinda the last one to find out." He now looked sheepish, and she was so confused she felt like falling over. But she nodded again and whispered "That's okay." Her voice sounded strange. _His_ voice sounded as if he was getting on a roll. "And I should have told you way, _way_ before, but I was too chicken. But I'm brave now. And I'm willing to put up with anything that Sam or Leah or Embry or Jared or Paul or Quil does to me for it." He grinned, but it was nervous. "Yes, even Paul." By this point, she felt like her head was going to explode if she had to wait for one more second for his explanation. But she held on long enough for him to finish. His eyes were alight with a soft sort of blaze as he tightened his grip on her hands and whispered the words that ultimately changed her life. " I love you, Nessie. I'm completely in love with you, can't live without you. Have been since November. Since the night after Jake left."

_What? What!? WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!???_

The moment the words registered in Renesmee's brain, she was floored completely speechless, unable to make a sound. All she could do was look at him, with her lips parted a bit in shock so great it had turned her into a statue.

_Okay. So THIS is it. Now I know what it feels like to have your brain explode inside your skull. _Echoing over and over and over in Renesmee's head was the words _"your family was right. He does like you. He isn't just a friend. He DOES like you. He DOES like you. He DOES like you...." _She continued to stare at him. Seth looked incredibly earnest now, as well as unbelieveably relieved to have gotten the secret out at last. He was still gripping both of her hands in his, and now his grip tightened even more as he leaned forward, into her face. 'Nessie, I'm not sure how you feel about me, but I'm _crazy_ about you. And I would do anything for you to take me as your man. I would be there for you everyday, even more than I already am-" Seth's thumbs started rubbing the backs of her hands. 'You would never find yourself without anything, ever again. I would protect you, keep you warm, watch over you every day." His eyes grew even more soft, as well as wistful as he said "I would be so gentle with you, Renesmee, I promise. And I could be whatever you wanted me to be, whenever you needed me. Wherever you needed me...." This time, he blushed, and Renesmee could feel the heat of a blush rising up into her own cheeks as well. His voice was quieter when he started again. 'I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? But that would all come in time." His head cocked slightly to one side and his voice grew thoughtful as he spoke, and his eyes bored straight into hers. 'It's starting to look like imprinting happens to every werewolf, and not just to the occasional few." He released one of her hands, and traded it for a firm, steady grip on her chin as he looked even more seriously at her. "So I'm starting to think that it's probably going to happen to me, anytime now. I can feel the pressure mounting, growing every day. It's just a matter of time. But I want you to know......that I'm going to fight it, for you." He leaned in closer, so that they're foreheads were touching. They were still staring eachother in the eye, and Renesmee was still unable to find her voice. He went on. "I'm going to fight against my instincts, because I don't _want_ to imprint to some other girl. I want to stay loving _you_, keep _you_ as my everything, the way you are now. Because to me, you're the most wonderful thing in the world. And it's not like fate has sealed you away to- someone _else_ yet. You still have to make the choice. So I'm going to give you as much reason as possible to pick me."

And that was when he kissed her.

He tipped her face up the rest of the way to meet his, and then his mouth was on hers, warm and soft and very, very sweet. Too fast for her to protest, but not fast enough to be considered rough in any way. What he didn't know was that Renesmee wouldn't have been protesting _anyway_; she was currently incapable of speech, movement, or any emotion other than the epithet of shock. So she didn't move a muscle as he released her hand and her chin, and instead slowly slid his hands into position on her shoulders, locking her into place. His hands were like _fire_ on her bare skin, but she couldn't say a word to move him. As he continued to kiss her, she could feel his excitement mounting, feel all the tension he had been holding back for two months start to come unravelled, front and center. She felt his hands start to move again, and she knew that things were getting out of control. And _fast_-

Suddenly, Seth stiffened, and his eyes flew wide open. He stopped kissing her, and took his hands back, focusing very hard on something, ears cocked. After a moment, he gave a low hiss of frustration. He looked back down at her and grinned, so big it was like the sun breaking free from a fetter of clouds. Very tenderly, he told her "I have to go now, Nessie. You're parents are coming home, and I only have a minute. Just-" he seemed to need to take a deep breath of air before he could continue. 'Just think of me while I'm gone, okay?" Then he leaned in and gave her a kiss to the forehead that was most likely the tenderest, most careful kiss ever given, and jumped across the room to her window. He spent one more second just staring at her, and then he was gone, so quiet it was as if he was never there.

Ironically, as soon as he was gone, Renesmee could move again. She wrapped her arms around herself, as tight as they could go before it started to hurt. Her head whipped around to the alarm clock, which read 8:00 p.m., and then back to the window, where she could plainly see that it was dark out. She started hyperventilating. Seth liked her. No. Seth _loved _her. Seth wanted to spend the rest of his _life_ with her. He wanted to give up _imprinting_ for her.

And she wasn't sure if she could give Seth what he wanted.

Because it wasn't like she didn't love him back; she _did_ love him, so much it was like her heart had grown more _still_ just to fit it all inside. But the way she loved Seth was the way she felt when she had watched him in his sleep the other night- she loved Seth as a best friend. As something she had to protect with her life, and keep happy at any cost. As something like what having a child must feel like. She felt like Seth was _hers_, but she didn't _want_ him. Not like that.

Not the same way he wanted her.

Renesmee felt herself fall as her head hit the pillows of her bed- it must have been all the hyperventilating, she figured. And her thoughts were running dizzyingly fast, a million miles an hour, easy. She felt like screaming.

Because even though this was apparently what Seth wanted, she didn't think she could give it to him. And she didn't even really know what was stopping her. Deep, deep inside her- in the very core of her soul- something was telling her to wait. Something was holding her back from giving her love away. Something that felt like....betrayal. Betrayal to...a memory? Something soft, something sunshiny. Laughter, and smiles. And a feeling, almost a whisper; it seemed to be saying something. She strained to hear it. Was that....? It was. The whisper was saying, very faintly but with the hint of smiling preconception "_This is your future....."_Who was that in the memory? She couldn't quite make out his face, but there was something familiar about his essense. Something Renesmee would never completely forget. And it was telling her to wait. That little voice in her head was showing her this image, and trying to stop her.

But Seth was her best friend, after Jake. And Jake was gone. She loved Seth so much. So, so much. She would do anything for that little angel boy that had held her up when she had fallen. That angelic soul of a person that had wiped her tears, kept her warm, and made her eat when all she wanted to do was curl up, go to sleep, and not wake up.

So didn't it stand to reason that she should be able to give him what he wanted _now_? If she loved him as much as she did, shouldn't she be able to do whatever he asked of her, without a second thought?

If her love was what he wanted, what he needed....shouldn't she be able to make him happy, no matter _how_ she felt?

This was the greatest feeling of indecision she had ever known; it felt like she was getting ripped in half. She didn't have the strength, or the power to decide right now. Because her heart was split into two halves, and each half was screaming something different. Screaming equally loud, so she couldn't just listen to the louder one this time. What did she _do_? Would she hold onto something she could only somewhat remember in the hopes that her soul's instict would pay off? Would she take the risk of it leading to nothing, and let herself shrivel and die from despair? Or would she ignore her soul's screaming, and give her heart away to someone that would love it and take care of it, to save her pathetic life?

She couldn't decide, she _couldn't._ And she felt like her head was spinning off.....

That was the exact moment when the lethargy hit her.

The strongest wave of it she had ever felt. Coming from seemingly every direction, so she couldn't even block it. Jasper had felt her climate, and now he was putting her to sleep so she wouldn't do herself any permanent head damage. She heard the front door open as her eyes swiftly closed, and heard Bella call "Nessie? Where are you, baby?" And then she was gone, dead to the world, sleeping in a place so utterly dark and dreamless that not even the black winds whispered.

_~** Jacob's P.O.V **~_

They had worked forever. It was as simple as that. It had been ninety five days, and Jacob had suffered and dearly paid for every single minute of it.

But the suffering was over now.

Because Iliana had finally done it. She had finally transformed into her spirit animal. And Jacob had to admit, she was beautiful. Long, silky pale fur, long, graceful limbs and tail, and beautiful silver markings adorning every inch of that gloriously powerful body. A silver slightly darker than the piercing, breath-taking silver of her eyes. Iliana transformed into the most beautiful white snow leopard Jacob had ever seen. Something that would make David Suzuki cry with joy. And now, she could do it on command.

Iliana was human at the moment, standing with her hands in her jean pockets. It was dark out, around midnight, and the stars were out. They shined off of her silver-blonde hair and sparkled in her emerald green eyes. Eyes that held a little less innocence, and a lot more age and power. Anyone could see the difference in Iliana Hardman now, no matter how thick they were. Because she was _better_; the sickness was completely gone. So gone, it wasn't as if it had healed, but as if it had never been there in the first place.

Jacob wasn't taking very long to appreciate Iliana's new look. His entire energy was focused on getting _off_ of mount Rainier, they're current training ground, and _back_ into Forks. Back to Renesmee.

His voice was strong and commanding as he spoke to Iliana. "We're leaving now, going back to Forks. Come on."

She met his black gaze squarely and said 'You're going back to you're Renesmee." It wasn't a question.

He cracked his knuckles in impatience, and then his neck. "That's right."

Her eyes darkened a bit, and then she said quietly 'Let's go."

They both phased, and then they were running, side by side, two blurs of motion in the night.

_I'm keeping my promise, Nessie. So I hope you waited for me. Because I'm finally done. I'm finally coming home._

_**Take a deep breath, everyone. Because it only goes up from here. ^.^**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	17. If It Comes Back To You, It's Yours

_**Buckle your seatbelts, folks. It's gonna get a bit screechy and angry in here for a while. But it gets good fast, I promise. ^.^ Enjoy.**_

Renesmee did not dream at all while she was asleep; it was simply as if someone had shut off every light on earth, including the sun. And then that same person eliminated sound off the face of the planet. Simple as that. Complete and utter darkness. So it came as a real shock when she woke up.

Correction: When she was _woken_ up. One second she was floating in nothing, and then the next second she was wide awake and bewildered, looking around her room in a sudden unexplained panic. It was still dark out; her room was enveloped in shadows, and the alarm clock read 2:14 a.m. She lifted her eyes again to look up at the ceiling- and caught sight of Jasper in the process.

He was standing over her bed with half of his face in shadow, just watching her. He was completely silent, and the look in his eyes was frightening. She scrambled to draw her blankets up closer around her, and noticed she was wearing an over-sized t-shirt and black boxer shorts. It must have been Alice or Bella, some small part of her mind noted. Jasper's arms were crossed over in front of his chest, and he stood there looking at her with an expression of intense concentration before he reached down, still silent, and grabbed the tops of her arms.

"Uncle Jasper?" she squeaked, her voice tiny with fear and worry. He continued to lift her out of the bed, gathering her up in his arms. Then, without saying a single word, he ran for her third story bedroom window. It was obvious that she was supposed to be quiet, and she had to try her hardest not to scream as they were falling, she was so panicked. Where was Jasper taking her? Why wasn't he talking to her? What the hell was going on!? As Jasper streaked across the yard and then into the forest with his small neice in his arms, Renesmee posted the question again, louder this time. "Uncle Jasper, what's going on?" She looked up worriedly into Jasper's beautiful face as he ran, not concerned with the trees literally blurring past them on either side. He waited until they were about a mile from the house, and then he answered her without taking his eyes out from in front of him. "You're friend Embry just called my cell with something....pretty important." He grimaced. "I'm taking you to the Ateara house right now." Renesmee gasped. Quil's house was pretty much right in the middle of the reservation. There was no way that Jasper would ever be allowed there. She voiced _this_ concern too, and this time her voice was a bit panicky. "But Jasper! You're not allowed in the reservation! The treaty-" her uncle sighed, effectively silencing her. "Screw the treaty," he said in a very oh-god-dammit-this-is-gonna-get-me-in-so-much-shit voice. Renesmee's mouth fell open in shock and horror. There were a million questions she wanted to hurl at him, but she finally settled on one very important one. Her voice was quiet and full of dread as she asked "Does anyone know we're gone?" She pictured her mind-reading father or her visionistic aunt sending a legion force of vampires after them onto the reservation. But Jasper quickly put her fears to rest. "No one knows we left," he said quietly, and there was something weary in his voice. "I made sure nobody heard a sound."

She didn't concern herself with how he had accomplished this; she closed her eyes as he cradled her to his chest and ran closer and closer to the borderline he wasn't allowed to pass. Her mind was racing again with all the issues she had escaped from when Jasper put her to sleep. Or mainly, _the_ issue. The ultimately painful issue of what to do....with _Seth._ Her uncle looked down at her as he felt her cringe against him, and his voice was haggard with angry dismay as he asked "So the dog had finally gotten himself in over his head, huh?" So her uncle knew. Just like when he had known about the incident in the meadow, he had just as easily figured out what the problem was this time. Which led her to another question. _"_Um, Jasper? When you saw what my problem was, why did you knock me out?" He grimaced again. 'Because you were letting your blocks rapidly deteriorate, Renesmee. If I hadn't acted, it would have been a matter of seconds before your father could read your mind. And then it would have been game over. So I plunged you into a dreamless sleep. Made you think of _nothing_. That way, there was nothing for him to read. Then, I just woke you up when I came to get you."

It made sense, in a weird, unusual way. A wave of gratitude came pouring over her, and she let it touch her uncle's senses in a silent thank-you.

'You're welcome," he murmered, his eyes flicking back up to the path in front of him.

In another moment they were running across the wide open plain that held the borderline, and Renesmee bristled with anxiety. What if the werewolves considered this breaking the treaty? What if- but it was too late. With one more graceful running stride, Jasper had passed through the invisible line seperating the two territories, and kept right on going. Fear and worry stabbed at Renesmee's stomach like knives. But she had another question, this one very pressing. "What's the important new Embry gave you?"

Another grimace. 'You're about to find out." Then his face went stony and business like, and he went completely silent again. He was preparing himself for whatever was about to come. They were about ten seconds away from Quil's backyard. Seven seconds. Three seconds. He jumped the low fence, and they were on Quil's property.

Jasper walked to the center of the yard with her, and then placed her down in the grass. She was barefoot, and shivering; it was February third, and the air was viciously cold and harsh. In the east corner of the sky, it looked ready to snow. The wind shifted, and Renesmee took a step back as if someone had hit her. She was catching the scent of the entire LaPush pack, as well as one scent she didn't know at all- and one scent that was hauntingly familiar. As she looked confusedly around, the seven pack members melted out of the shadows surrounding the yard. They all hurried over to her, not even hesitating when they saw Jasper behind her, breaking the treaty. They all stopped about two feet away from her, and they all had the same dumbfounded, stricken look on they're faces, as if there had been an earth shattering natural disaster. Especially Seth, she noticed with a pang. "Guys," she demanded of the stricken-looking pack. 'What the hell is going on here? It's two in the morning, and Jasper scared the shit out of me, and we ran as fast as we could. So what's the deal?' All they could do was look at her. Just as she was seriously losing her patience, Leah managed to point behind her, towards the house. Then she just resumed her worried gaping. Renesmee looked back at the house, just as the people with the two other scents stepped out of the shadows-

And then all of a sudden, all the shock, pain, indecision, worry, anger, and sadness she had suffered over the last ninety five days evaporated into something as minor as a paper cut. All of the times she had thought her brain went and exploded inside her skull were instantaneously made laughable. Because _now_ she knew what it was truly like to have your head blow up. If _this_ wasn't it, she decided, then I'm never going to experience it.

Because standing in front of her, all the way across the lawn with eyes dark as pitch and drawn to her face with the force of a black hole...was Jacob Ephraim Black.

Looking into those eyes, Renesmee felt as if she was being hit by a bus, ripped in half, fried with an atomic bomb, incinerated with a death ray, and dipped in acid all at the same time. Her mind could only think of one thing to sum it up: _BOOOOOOOOOOOOM._

In half an instant, Jacob had flashed from across the yard to about a foot away from her. He was towering over her, leaning towards her as he took in the sight of her. Both of them had wide eyes, and neither of them seemed to know what to say. Everybody else in the clearing was holding they're breath. Renesmee felt like she couldn't quite breathe right, either. She was sure she was hallucinating. Or maybe dreaming. Because there was no _way_ that Jacob would just mystically reappear.....after he had left her. After he had been everything to her.....and he had left her.

Standing there in front of this Jacob-hallucination, Renesmee's still wide eyes filled with shimmering tears. There was the tiny sound of her breath hitching.

Almost as if it were a reflex, the Jacob-hallucination took a step forward, and reached out towards her. She reacted accordingly by taking a step back, and putting her hands up. She cringed delicately. "Don't." The hallucination's face crumpled in what looked like real pain. 'Renesmee-"

'Dont! Please." Her voice sounded close to a sob when she interrupted him; the hallucination sounded so real, it knocked the breath out of her. "Just stay away from me. The real Jacob isn't here. You're just a dream. And I don't need you messing me up any more than the real one already has." Her voice broke on the words "real one", and she took another step back as the first tears started to spill over. The cold made her shiver again as it blew through her thin t-shirt. It's was the Jacob-dream's turn to reel back as if she had slapped him, and his face was a bewildered mask of shock as he asked "You think I'm not real?" This was when the pack, who had all backed up when Jacob came to Renesmee, interceded. Embry's quiet, logical voice broke through the cold night air. "This isn't a hallucination, Renesmee. Iliana is back too. He's really here." Renesmee looked at him, choking on air she could no longer draw in. Leah backed him up. "It's true, Ness. Believe us. We couldn't take it in either, at first. But he proved it to us. So just hear him out, okay?'

There was a distinctly audible ripping noise inside Renesmee's head as her heart broke all over again.

_He was really here. Right in front of her._

And now Jacob was advancing on her again, taking a step forward, closing the space between them. 'It's true, Ness," he said quickly. 'I know I've been gone a while, but I'm finally back now. And I'm here to stay. Please." He reached out a hand, as if he was going to touch her face. She grabbed the hand and wrenched it away, and then she pile-drived her fist into his face as hard as she possibly could. Just like her mother had five years ago. _Unlike_ her mother's attempt five years ago, the results were what she wanted. There was a satisfying snapping noise as Jacob's jaw broke under the force of her blow; a feral snarl ripped itself from her throat as he grimaced, and reached up to his jaw. She watched with her guns already reloaded as he reset the broken bones, groaning in pain as he did so. After that, he didn't waste any time. His voice still sounded perfectly normal as he continued on "I probably deserved that. Okay, I _know_ I deserve _more_ than that. I deserve to get ripped into tiny pieces, and burned. I deserve a Volturi ritual. But you have no idea how sorry I am. And I can explain all of it."

"Lies." Her voice was low, and choked off by the sobs rising steadily in her throat. More tears streamed down her face, but now the tears were mixed with anger. Her streaming eyes were glaring and her expression was pale and livid as she continued "How am I supposed to believe you? I turned around for two seconds, thinking everything was fine. And then you were gone. I went to _sleep,"_ she hissed, "and when I woke up, _you weren't there._" His face was slowly draining of color as she continued on. "I thought I was going to _die_ when Quil Sr. told me I couldn't see you anymore. He didn't tell us where you were-' She swallowed painfully, and the first sob came up. "Or if you were coming back. I _trusted_ you, and you _left_ me!!!"

He was shaking his rapidly back and forth, and his eyes were desperate. "I had to," he said feverishly, torturedly. "It was my _job._ But I would never have left you if I didn't have to. And I never thought it would take anywhere near as long as it did." He swallowed as well, and his jaw made a creepy cracking noise as it healed. "I never stopped thinking of you, Nessie. You have to believe me."

Now _she_ was the one shaking her head. She dropped his gaze to stare bitterly at the ground, counting the teardrops that had already darkened the earth there. 'Stop telling me stories, Jake," she whispered. She looked back up at him, and her tearing sorrel eyes were wide again with pain, anger, and distrust. "If you were really thinking of me," she breathed softly, "you would have called. You would have sent a letter. You would have sent me a fricking goddamned postcard, just to let me know that you were alive, and you still loved me." She opened her mouth to continue, but he cut her off. His eyes were dangerously narrowed and he was grinding his teeth together as he said "You have no idea what it was _like_, for me to stay away from you. I spent every single second, _terrified_ that you were going to get the wrong idea- because I _couldn't _call you, or write you, or send a message to you. I wasn't _allowed._ I couldn't talk to you at all, because that would mess up the process." He snorted. 'Which, by the way, was a process I didn't even _understand._"

She clenched her fists down at her sides, and when she replied, she was screaming, her voice raw and wobbly from emotion. " You left me! If you really cared, you would have broken the rules, just _once_, to explain what the hell was going on! I cried for you, everyday! I laid in my bed every night, every single night, and wondered what I had done to make the best thing that ever happened to me push me away. And now you come back out of the blue, in the middle of the night, and expect me to forgive you!? You _broke my heart_, Jacob. Broke it so bad, I thought it was just going to bleed out, and that would be the end of it. I tripped, and stumbled, and cried my way through every single day! How can you ever expect me to forget how that felt!? How it felt to lay there at night, when I couldn't sleep because I missed you so much, thinking about why you had decided to abandon me!?!?!"

Jacob's face had gone white as she yelled at him; now he shouted back at her, his voice angry and incredibly, unbeliveably wounded. She knew that her words had stung him. She just didn't know that they had bitten into him quite this badly.

"_Of COURSE I love you, you little idiot! I never STOPPED! I was following a set of rules, and I HATED them! The ONLY thing I wanted was to just be able to come home, and come back to YOU, Nessie. YOU. I felt like curling up and DYING without you, but DID I? NO!!! I dragged my sorry ass through that MISERABLE ninety five frickin days, so I could come back to YOU. I lost count of all the times I ALMOST gave up on it all. But there was always YOU. Memories of YOU that pulled me back onto my feet. So NOW, after I've suffered more than I knew a person COULD suffer, I come back to be with you again, and what do you say? You say that I'm a liar that abandoned you of my own free will, and didn't ever look back to see if I was hurting you. You're being completely blind! Open you're eyes, Renesmee! Look at what's RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!" _

For one single second, Renesmee was stunned speechless by what he had said. In what seemed like one endless moment, she assessed the boy that was supposed to be her best friend forever. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a tight black t-shirt. His hair had grown out so that it was to the nape of his neck again. He had grown maybe another inch, but no more than that. And his expression was so heartbroken and wounded that it looked like someone had died. His hands were trembling. Feeling as if she herself were trembling, she stared up at the sky-and had to hold back a gasp. It was the sky from her dream; the only dream of Jacob since November that she really wanted to remember. There were billions of stars shining in the dark, velvety sky, leaping and twirling and dancing in the world's most breathtaking ballet. With her superhuman eyes, she could see the neighboring galaxies dancing in they're endless circles of time. She took one deep breath, and then by some miracle, she was yelling again.

"If you loved me as much as you say you do, if you really ARE my best friend, than WHY would you let a stupid set of RULES stand in you're way!? How could you go and do something that hurt ME so badly, and then come back and act as if it hurt you just as badly, maybe even more!? How could you possibly take it so badly, when it was ME you were hurting?! How could you be able to say that!?!?"

He stepped forward. Grabbed her. Shook her. And then he bellowed the words that _really_ ended up changing her life.

_"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY IMPRINT!!!!!"_

_**And so, this chapter is concluded. And oh, joy, it's a cliffhanger! Don't you just hate them? ^.^**_

_**S'bout to get AWESOME, people. Hang on!!!!**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	18. And So I Opened The Floodgates

_**Okay, so I'm finally to chapter eighteen. So excited!!! To all my riveted fans out there, I hope I can make you proud with this chapter.**_

_~* Flashback of Three Years Ago *~_

_"Sam? What's an imprint?" Renesmee's nose wrinkled up as she pronounced the unfamiliar word to the man in front of her. Sam Uley and Emily Young were babysitting Renesmee while her family went hunting, and they had taken her for a walk to the LaPush beach. Now Renesmee and Sam sat across from eachother in the cool, rocky sand, and Emily was a little way away, looking for seashells. The question had come suddenly to Renesmee, and as soon as it did, the burning need to have it answered was so unbearable that she just HAD to ask the question._

_As soon as she did, a gigantic grin broke across Sam's face. 'Weeell," he began slowly. "I'm pretty sure this wouldn't count as cheating in your parents eyes, so I'll tell you." The smile grew as Renesmee clapped her hands and giggled in excitement. _

_"Thank-you, Uncle Sam!" She quickly curled her legs in around herself, put her hands in her lap, and sat excitedly and expectantly in front of him, waiting for him to speak, ignoring the wind that was gently blowing her soft brown curls around her face. Sam drew HIMSELF up too, so that he towered even more over Renesmee's tiny form._

_"Imprinting is what we wolves do to find our soulmates," he began with the smile still in place. "When we see our imprint for the first time, it's really hard to explain. It's like for one second, everything close to us is....severed, in a way, and then we're just suddenly refocused. It's like we're chained to the center of the earth, the thing that everything revolves around. That thing is your imprint." His voice had grown dreamy and his smile had gone admiring, and Renesmee didn't have to ask to know that he was thinking of Emily; when she looked out to the shore to spot Emily, Sam followed suit, and when they found her, the smile grew so adoring that it made Renesmee squirm._

_"So what does that mean? To have someone be everything to you?" Her child's voice was still bright with curiosity, and he returned his gaze to her small upturned face with his features fresh and newly aglow with happiness. "It means that you love them, more than anything else in the world. More than the whole entire world combined. And you would be anything for them, anything they wanted. A brother, a best friend, a lover. Whatever they asked you for. To be seperated from them causes you true physical pain, as well as a mental torture I really don't want to describe to someone your age. You want to spend every single second of your day with them, no matter where the two of you might be. You live to make them happy, and you would give your life in a second to protect them." He paused to take a breath as he surveyed her now wide chocolate brown eyes._

_"Basically, they're everything to you." He laughed as he repeated what she had asked back to her in the form of the answer._

_Renesmee felt her bottom lip push out in a pout as she looked at Emily again. She must have been so happy, having Sam love her THAT much. She wished someone loved HER that much._

_She crossed her skinny arms over her flat chest as she quietly stewed for a moment. But it only lasted for a moment, and then she couldn't hold it in any longer. "Uncle Sam, will anybody ever love ME that much?" her voice was small and sad, and more than a little annoyed. Annoyance turned into ruffled indignance when he burst into roaring laughter at her very serious question. She glared up at him as he worked to control himself, and when he finally managed to get his laughter under wraps, she asked him in a tight little voice "what's so funny?"_

_"I can't say anymore about it now, Nessie," he gasped. "That WOULD be considered cheating. But I'm just going to tell you one more thing." He looked her directly in the eye, and Renesmee Carlie Cullen felt as if her bones were shaking under the ancient magic of the Alpha wolf's stare._

_"One day you'll find out exactly how much love someone has to give to you. And I promise you- you will never look back."_

_~* End Flashback *~_

Renesmee's mouth had fallen open as her flashback roared through her head; now she was back in the present. Her mouth snapped shut and her eyes sharpened to the keenest they had ever been in her life. She was acting _so _vampire, 100 percent didn't even describe it. One ten percent? One twenty? It felt like more. It had gone completely silent in the clearing; so silent, not even _her_ hyperactive ears could pick up the faintest trace of a sound. Nobody was so much as _breathing_. Part of her brain took a moment to analyze the situation around her. The primary display was shock; that was easy to see, as she looked at each person in the yard individually. Jasper had turned into a wide-eyed, baffled statue behind her; not one muscle twitched as he stood in a state of shock much like her father's had been five years ago, when Bella had picked up that little blue box of tampons. Leah had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her mouth open in a perfect _O _of disbelief. She was rooted to the ground, but she looked like she wanted to move. Embry seemed to be frozen in the act of pulling his hair out with an oh-crap-now-we're-all-screwed expression. Quil looked like he was about to shit himself. Sam and Jared had both smacked a hand to they're foreheads, and were now just holding them there, presumeably waiting for the eruption they saw as inevitable. Iliana looked airy and speculative, emerald eyes wide and attentive as she carefully watched everyone. Seth had hung his head, throwing his face into shadow, hiding his expression from view. But his fists were clenched. Feeling a pang, Renesmee drew in a deep breath through her teeth, and looked at Jacob. The one who's expression mattered most.

Somewhere _far_ aside from the front of her mind, Renesmee took note that it almost would have been comical, if this hadn't been the most serious thing to ever happen to her. Jacob's hands had flown up to cover his mouth the moment the words escaped him; now he was frozen that way, eyes wide in horror, looking like he might die of shame. Renesmee's head was spinning. Because in this mealstrom of confusion, her entire life suddenly made sense. The reason Jacob had been her best friend since she was old enough to comprehend what a friend was. The reason for all of her friend's and family's vagueness whenever she had questioned his closeness. _This _was the secret that her family had been keeping from her!? For one brief moment, she felt completely homicidal. But something was pulling at her, in the pit of her stomch, at her core. It wasn't letting her focus on anything but Sam's words five years ago.

_"It means that you love them, more than anything else in the world. More than the whole entire world combined. And you would be anything for them, anything they wanted. A brother, a best friend, a lover. Whatever they asked you for. To be seperated from them causes you true physical pain, as well as a mental torture I really don't want to describe to someone your age. You want to spend every single second of your day with them, no matter where the two of you might be. You live to make them happy, and you would give your life in a second to protect them." _

_"It means that they're everything to you."_

Jacob loved her-loved her like _that_. She was the most important thing in the world to him, something that he couldn't bear to part with. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And he hadn't been able to tell her, all this time. He had watched her grow up, right behind her every step of the way.

Watched her, and loved her. He had protected her fom everything; sometimes hurting himself to do it. And he had always shaken it right off, not given the injuries a moments attention, all for her. At that moment, another question whizzed through her head.

_How long? _How long had she been Jacob's imprint? She wracked her brains, trying to find the answer to her question. She could perfectly remember every second of her conversation with Sam....she _knew_ he had given her the answer....... and then she found it.

_"Uncle Sam, will anybody ever love ME that much?" _

And he had_ laughed. _Laughed like somebody who had secret information that the other person would find out about much later. As if she were thinking in rapid succession, another part of the conversation shot into her mind.

_"When we see our imprint for the first time."_

_Jacob had imprinted on her the day she was born._

He had loved her for her whole life. And she hadn't even known. She hadn't had any idea that she was the most important thing in the world to him, not even for a moment.

The shock that punctured her was so great that it speared her to the ground where she stood. For one fleeting moment, her desperate mind turned to denial in search of an answer that made sense. _Maybe he was lying._

But the moment this thought entered her mind, she knew that there was no way it was true. The shock in his eyes, the horror, was just too real. The reaction of the pack, too synchronized to be planned. And Jasper, who would easily be able to tell if they were lying to her, was just as floored as she was. But the biggest thing giving it away was ultimately Jacob himself. The shock in those eyes made his guards transparent; she could see straight into his soul, with absolutely no difficulty at all. And this was no lie. This wasn't a game, or a prank, or even a cruel stab of malice. He wasn't trying to rub salt into her wounds. He was telling her the truth. And it was the biggest thing that had ever happened to her. And she had absolutely no idea how to deal.

It had been pin-drop silent in Quil's backyard for two whole minutes.

Somehow, she managed to break the tableau scene that they were all a part of by taking the first shaky step forward. She didn't have a clue how she was doing it; something inside her, something deeper than her concious self, seemed to be pushing and pulling her forward, step by stumbling step, towards Jacob's frozen frame. His eyes had gone even wider when she started moving towards him, and now she was only about five inches from his hulking mass. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, and it felt nice to her skin, in the freezing cold of the night around them. The feeling ripped open a familiar pang of agony that rang through her chest like a cavity-riddled tooth. She tipped her head all the way up to look at his face, at exactly the same moment he looked straight down. Huge fox-colored eyes met huge black-brown ones, and she didn't know what she was seeing in them. The emotions in those eyes were flickering back and forth so fast, she couldn't get a proper read. Even though she _was_ feeling one twenty percent vampire. Fear. Anger. Uncertainty. Hope. Confusion. More anger. More fear. More hope.

"Jake." Her voice sounded very calm, so calm that it was alien to her spinning brain. How could she sound so smooth? So harmonious? It was like the image of her picture-perfect mother had risen up to take control of her body. She was suddenly consiously aware that she had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her tiny hands grabbing fistfuls of her super oversized t-shirt at either of her sides.

The unknown pulling source coming from somewhere deep, deep down pulled another string, and she was talking again, just as calm, but louder this time.

"Jake? Jake, talk to me, please." A particularly icy blast of wind threw a single long, waving curl across her face, and she shivered in the sub-zero temperature. This time he responded to her, and he slowly, slowly brought his enormous hands down from his mouth, placed tightly down at his sides.

She was talking again. Asking him a question.

"Jake? Is it true? Am I really...?"

He nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. "It's true, Nessie. Please believe me." His voice was desperate.

She forged ahead, her voice still calm. Inside, she trembled like a leaf. 'Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wasn't allowed."

"Oh really? Who was stopping you?"

"_Everyone._"

For one moment, she felt like hitting him again. By now, his jaw had healed. She considered taking another go...and then told herself to get a grip.

"Who exactly _is_ everyone?"

Something like a shudder passed through him. Anger? No. It was too scared looking to be the shivering tremors she was used to.

"Your parents. My pack. The elders. Everyone that _had _a say, had something to say _against _me telling you." Another shiver.

Another tug, pulling words out of her mouth, seemingly coming from nowhere. She didn't plan them.

"But you told me now."

He let out a sigh, and _this _sound was unmistakeably frustrated. "I wasn't supposed to."

"But you _wanted _to." This tugging was really starting to annoy the piss out of her.

Another sigh escaped him, but this one sounded more like a groan. "Of _course_ I did. I _always_ did."

_So, you sneaky, evil son of a bitch. You really DO love me._

The perfect defence of her inner-tugger seemed to crack at that moment, and when she asked her next question, her voice was tiny and timid, full of uncertainty. The way she would have sounded from the _beggining_, if something hadn't made her take that very first step.

"So.......you really _do _love me?"

Somehow, he managed a weak grin. "More than anything. From the very start."

She quickly took in a ragged breath, and asked another one. "So you really _didn't_ want to leave me?"

"I almost killed myself in the attempt."

"So, you really _were_ just following orders?"

'Yes.' A shaky laugh that somehow still managed to boom. 'Remind me to stop doing that, okay?"

Suddenly, she was mad all over again. Except this time, it wasn't directed at him. She stamped her foot on the ground, leaving a considerable mark in the earth. "_WHY _didn't they want you telling me!?"

Jacob had loved her all along, from the very beggining, without fault or flaw. If she had _known _that, she would never have suffered all the pain, the hideous, unreasonable torture that she had been shoved through when he left her. She would have _known _that he hadn't given up on her, and she would have been able to calmly wait for him to return. She would have _known_ that he was coming back. She wouldn't have been depressed, wouldn't have spiralled out of control, wouldn't have been consumed by that awful mind-numbing fog that still gave her nightmares. None of the last ninety five days would have happened. If her family hadn't decided to keep this secret from her.

She was so angry, she couldn't even turn around, around to face her uncle just a few feet behind her. She couldn't scream and yell. She couldn't hit things. She couldn't sink her fangs into anything and rip with all her strength. She couldn't do _anything_, except ask again, in a whisper this time. "_Why?_"

It was Jasper who answered her, and not Jacob. He must have sensed her stormy fury; his voice was urgent and dominant, forcing her to listen to the words he said. She almost cringed against the force of them.

"Renesmee Cullen, _listen_ to me. Your entire family, _including_ me, only wanted the best for you from the start. Your mother, especially. She was afraid that if we told you too early that you were Jacob's imprint, you would feel inclined to be with him, even if you didn't want to. We didn't want you to feel caged, or claimed, or owned. We wanted you to have as normal a life as possible, with freedom and free will. We wanted _you_ to make the choice."

As soon as he was finished, Jacob let out a low hiss.

"I wouldn't have made her do _anything, _and you all _know_ it."

Jasper grimaced. "We couldn't be sure. Your feelings about Renesmee at this point in her development are too-_unoppressible._"

Renesmee had officially had enough.

"Alright!" She yelled, and everyone in the yard looked back at her.

"So you guys never told me! And I am completely _pissed_ about it! But it doesn't matter, because I DO know NOW! The cat is finally out of the bag, and now it's _my_ turn, to make _my _choice!!!" Her voice lowered back to a normal level. 'Let me make my choice, okay?"

All Jasper could manage was one startled nod.

Renesmee took a deep breath to settle herself, and then crisply turned back around to face Jacob. Her hands were no longer bunched at her sides; they were placed on her hips. It was time for her to make her decision.

She peered up calculatingly into Jacob's eyes, trying to see through to his soul. Because now she _knew_. She knew that this boy loved her, and that he wanted to be with her. And now she had to decide wether or not she loved and wanted him the same way.

She sized him up again.

Jacob had always been her very best friend, the dearest person in the world to her. And it had hurt her more than she had ever imagined it would when he had left her. Had that actually been _love_ she felt for him, hidden away by the fact that he had known her all her life?

Was she in love with Jacob Black?

There was only one way to find out.

Slowly, tentatively, she reached out and placed one small hand on Jacob's chest. And then paid _very _close attention. As soon as she touched him, a strange sort of tingling zinged up her fingertips, through her arms, and up into her _own_ chest. It continued to move until it was right in her heart, curled there like a hibernating animal. It made her feel a little bit of dizziness, and a whole lot of excitedness. Happiness. Something like the feeling she got when she ran, only a thousand times better. Renesmee was fascinated, as well as shocked; this had never happened to her when she touched Jake before. And it was obvious that he could feel it, too; he leaned into her touch a little bit, grabbing her hand and holding it there. A noise of contentment rose up in his throat. She looked at the hand covering hers, sending a new wave of tingles up through her wrist, and briefly wondered what it meant. But something inside of her already knew. Something that was older than her, maturer than her. Something that was grinning knowingly and amusedly at her chagrined sheepishness. With a peal of rich, bubbling laughter, it shifted it's weight over somewhere inside of her, and whispered in her mind's ear.

_Feel this? This means that you didn't love him up until now, because the feeling wasn't there. But the fact that it IS here now means that you finally love him back, the way he loves you. That's why he can feel it too, honey. _Another laugh. And then a moment of silence, before the gears in Renesmee's head rapidly started to click.

_Click click click click click CLUNK._

The final gear snapped into place, and Renesmee's resolve was made as she stared deeply into Jacob's eyes for one more second.

_I love you, Jacob Black._

"I love you, Jacob Black." A tiny voice that broke with emotion, but it opened the floodgates.

And then she had hurled herself into Jacob's arms and he had caught her somehow in midair and grabbed her to his chest before she even got there. Burning hot arms like steel bands locked her into place there, and it wasn't tight enough for her. She sqeezed her small body to his, holding herself there with all her strength. He bowed his head down to put his face in her hair. He was trembling again, but this time she knew it wasn't from anger _or_ fear. Her feet were about a foot off the ground, so she wrapped her legs around his waist like a child's. She lifted her face up, shifting until they were forehead to forehead. Jacob stared deeply into her eyes, like he was trying to drown in them; she stared right back, feeling all of the adoration and happiness that was completely visible to him in her smiling sorrel eyes. And all of a sudden, they were in the perfect moment, with no need for words. He loved her. She loved him. And now they were together. One plus one equals two.....

They could have stayed like that forever, but then Jasper loudly cleared his throat, and broke the otherwise perfect silence.

"Now that Jacob is back, I'm sure Alice is aware. And as soon as we hit our property, Edward is going to know that the secret is out." He grimaced.

"We have a lot of explaining to do."

Feeling very unwilling, Renesmee took her forehead off of Jacob's and looked around to stare at Jasper. "None of you have to say anything," she declared, looking out at her pack-family as well. 'This is all up to me and Jacob now. We'll take care of it. None of you worry, okay?" She was so focused on Jacob holding her, she had no idea what facial expressions they wore. Then she turned back around to face him, and her voice was soft and sweet as she said "C'mon, Jake. We have to go home now. Mom and Dad are gonna have some explicit things to say about this, I'm sure."

He looked at her levelly before he shifted his hold on her into a bridal style. "Well, it's a long walk home, and we have the entire way there to talk. We both have some explaining to do, to _eachother_."

I love you so much.

_**Okay, I'm willing to bet my ENTIRE stash of chocolate chip cookies that all of you people are dying in suspense of the first kiss. DON'T WORRY: It's coming. Promises. Until then....R&R! ^.^**_

_**Angel Out ~Hearts~**_


	19. Heart To Heart

_**Okay, sorry for the wait, everyone. I had horrible writer's block, but I kinda forced myself out of it. Hope you like this chapter. =)**_

After that, her and Jacob simply left everyone standing there, dumbstruck and silent, and headed for the Cullen estate. Much to Renesmee's surprise, nobody followed them, and they had the very long walk to her house all to themselves. And she noticed that Jake was going slower than he would on any other occasion. He needed this to last as much as she did. As they walked out of everyone's sight, she tentatively started tracing small circles on his stomach with her little finger, keeping her eyes firmly on the patterns she created. She wasn't nearly as engrossed as she seemed to be- she was too scared to look up.

Jacob was the one that broke the silence after a few more moments. "Ness," he said in a voice that was a bit strained. "You have no _idea_ how amazing that feels, but I really need you to listen to me right now." Renesmee sighed as she stopped moving her finger and let her hand drop to her stomach. Then, taking a deep breath through her teeth, she gathered up most of the courage she possessed and forced herself to look up at her newly discovered love. Or perhaps the love she had loved all along.

As soon as her fox colored eyes lifted up to his, most of that fear vanished as if it had never existed. He was smiling softly at her, in way that made her heart feel like it might burst out of her chest- it was impossible for her to worry when he was looking at her that way. She returned his smile, and patiently waited for him to begin.

It was his turn to take a deep breath; she could feel his swelling chest push against her side as he heaved in a huge gulp of air. His voice was sweet and yet low with complete seriousness when he started his speech.

"I really am sorry, Nessie. You have no idea- I mean..." he swallowd in anxiety as he struggled to find the right words. "It's hard for me to explain how much I missed you, how hard it was for me to even _move _without you next to me at all times. How much I love you." He smiled weakly. "I just can't seem to find big enough words."

Renesmee smiled. She almost felt like laughing, because he didn't see how completely ridiculous his apologizing was. As far as she was concerned, there was no longer anything to forgive. The love she had finally allowed herself to feel for him had swept away anything she felt that could ever be counted as accusation or hurt; so strong that she would never have been able to regain it, even if she tried. An hour ago, she wouldn't have been at all sure about this love- it was so confusing and new. But it was strong, and it settled her heart with a kind of peace that had remained unexperienced by her through the entirety of her life. The ringing ache was gone; the ghost of it's memory had settled itself somewhere in her soul. Something she could reminisce on, but could no longer actually feel. The over-sweeping power of her love for Jacob was dizzying, because it was pulling in so many directions at once. She wanted the reassurance he was so determinedly trying to give, and yet part of her wanted to silence his words and comfort _him_, instead. She wanted to muffle out the pain he was so obviously feeling, and make him feel love instead. At the same time, there was a rush of shyness and uncertainty. She had no experience with this kind of thing; she had no idea _how _to make him see everything she wanted him to see.

And then there was self-chastise and shame, because a part of her body, one she had never heard from before, was excitedly showing her all sorts of ways that she could easily get _that_ response from him. Things that she had never considered doing with _anyone _before raced through her mind, each one slightly more mortifying than the last. She fought each one back, telling herself that he wouldn't want her that way, anyway, and to stop being so gross. She wasn't _ready _for that kind of thing, she told herself. And besides; that wasn't the only problem.

_I would never be brave enough for something like THAT._

Finally, she had to break herself out of her reverie, and settle for the plainess of simple words to reassure him. She gently reached up with one tiny hand to stroke his burning hot cheek, and she gave him a soft and loving smile as she said. "Don't worry, Jake. I know how sorry you are. I understand now." Her eyebrow furrowed delicately as a question came to her mind; one that was simple, but had an answer she was curious about.

"When Quil Sr. told you that you had to go, why didn't you call me first or something, before you even got to her house?"

Jacob growled in anger, a vicious sound, and Renesmee could feel the heavy vibration coming through his chest. Something was upsetting her love, and her voice a pitch higher when she next spoke.

"Jake? Jake, what's wrong? Talk to me, Jake!"

He looked back down at her worried and anxious expression, and swallowed his angry snarls. He took a deep breath to make the slight trembling in the hands that were holding her stop. Then, with some effort to remain controlled, he spat "they _lied_ to me, Nessie. All the Elders did. They told me that now that the bond between me and Iliana had been formed, if I contacted my imprint in any way, she would--"

He stopped up short, like he was unable to say the words. But that was okay; Renesmee already knew what he had been trying to say.  
_They actually told you that I would DIE? How low can those bastards get?_

She turned her head to the side and pressed her face into his chest, inhaling his scent deeply. Her slender arms wound around his waist and then joined hands again, holding her firmly at his side. Knowing that his superhuman ears would pick up every sound, she began to murmer sweet words of comfort and reassurance, taking all the measures she could to calm him.

"Don't be afraid, Jake. I'm not going anywhere. None of them can touch me, and you would never hurt me. I_ know _that. So relax."

She felt him shudder as some of the tension eased out of his shoulders, and he held her a bit tighter as he continued to walk them at a normal pace to the Cullen house. 'Im so sorry, Nessie. I never should have believed them. But I was so _afraid_ that something would actually _happen _to you, I-"

She silenced him by putting a finger to his lips, and looked him dead in the eye as she spoke to him. Her voice was a fervored whisper. "Jacob Black. Nobody in this town is _ever_ going to hurt me in _any_ way. You don't have to worry about me here. This is home. This is my safe zone. So _relax_. You can protect me from harm as much as you want, but _here_, there's nothing to protect me _from_." She reached up and took his face in both hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

A smile stretched across his face as he slowly nodded. "Okay, Nessie. No more freaky Jake. I'm just going to chill now- I'm trusting you with this one."

A glorious smile broke onto her face like the sun breaking free of a fetter of clouds.

_"Thank _you." She rubbed one small thumb slowly across his cheek, back and forth, and after a moment he grabbed her hand and held it there with his own.

"Remember that I'm _still_ mostly human, please," he said with a throaty chuckle. "I might just snap if you tempt me _too_ much." _His _thumb, much larger than hers, started to rub back and forth against the back of her hand. She revelled in the tingly pleasurable feeling of him touching her for a moment before she gave him a devillish smile.

"I'm thinking I actually might enjoy that, really."

He laughed. "You would enjoy me going all wolf on you and dragging you into the forest? I _am _an animal, you know."

The devillish smile got bigger, and she eyed him mischeiveously. "An animal in _what_?"

She had to work to rein in a giggle as she watched his face turn a rosy red under his rustic tan, and a rather suggestive grin broke out onto his face, probably against his greatest efforts to contain it. His blush made his skin burn especially hot against her hand he was still holding there, and she noticed. Idly, a part of her brain wondered how hot it was. One ten? One eleven, maybe? It was probably right around there. For some reason, a part of her wished it was hotter. But it was a part that sounded suspiciously like the parts she was so desperately trying to ignore just then, so she shut it out immediately, and turned her attention back to Jacob, who had managed to compose himself and wipe the grin off his face.

His face turned serious at that moment, and Renesmee could tell that he was giving something a lot of thought. She wondered what it was, and something inside her fluttered around unsettlingly. _Is he thinking about me?_

Apparently, he _was_ thinking of her. After another moment of his solemn-expressioned silence, he opened his mouth and said something completely unexpected- something that blew her mind to pieces.

"Do you remember that day, Ness? The day I imprinted on you?"

Her first emotion was shock; her first reaction was to say "no". But some small part of her brain, some tiny compartment of memory, was tugging at her, not letting her say the words. Something was making her think way back, months and months back- to before Jacob left her. Back when Iliana was but a mere worry, nothing but a threatening stranger. A dream she would keep having, night after night. Weeks in a row.....

Images started to flash in front of Renesmee's open eyes.

Images of Jacob, of his face, his expression going from dark to light. From hate to adoration. Everything was very foggy and dim- her own lack of comprehension when the event took place. Laying in Rosalie's arms, and trying to focus. Jacob reaching out to her, feeling the mutual want to reach out for _him_, as well....and then someone yelling his name....Sam?....

As Renesmee concentrated, she let what she was seeing flow through the hand Jacob was still holding to his face and into his mind as well, so he could follow her train of thought.

She watched his face intently as she showed him everything she remembered. She saw when his eyes lit up, and an awed expression came onto his face. She saw his joyous smile. She heard his sharp intake of breath. She felt his heart beating faster than usual against her side.

When he spoke, his voice was a happy whisper. "You _do_ remember." She watched as he focused for a moment on what she was showing him, and then he was speaking again, more loudly this time, relaying everything he saw, in an explanation, as it happened.

"I remember that day like it was yesterday. Bella had just given birth to you, and it looked like she wasn't going to make it." She watched his eyes unfocus as he paid complete attention to what she was showing him, lost in his own memories. Something like slight annoyance and insecurity panged inside her chest when she thought of her mother and Jacob's past. She had been told, long ago, that Jacob had once been in love with her mother. Back when she was human, her beautiful, perfect mother had been best friends with Jacob. And somewhere along the way, he had fallen in love with her. She squirmed with discomfort, but before she could say anything about it, Jacob was speaking again.

"Edward was up in Carlisle's medical office, trying his best to rececitate her. So far, he hadn't had any luck. I was in lov- I felt differently about your mother _then_ than I do _now_-" He broke off to look at her worriedly, and she squirmed again. This time, she tried her best to hide it. After staring at her anxiously for one more second, he continued. "We all thought that Bella was going to die, and I was mad at you. Okay, well, I was moe than _mad_. I hated you. When I walked into that room where Rosalie was gaurding you, I was going to--" He stopped up short again, and his expression was pained as he forced himself to say the words. "I was going to kill you."

Although Renesmee knew this too, she couldn't keep completely quiet this time; a small sound of indignant protest escpaed her mouth. Jacob sqeezed her a bit tighter, and looked her in the eye as he continued in an earnest tone.

"But then I _looked_ at you. And my whole world fell apart. In that one second, everything that meant anything to me in my entire life just ripped itself away, and it was gone. For one second, I was nothing but an emotionless shell in a body. Those things you hear about in the horror movies that are walking around with no soul." He sucked in a deep breath. "But then _new _emotions started to fill me up, taking up all the space that my life had left over when it stopped meaning anything. Some parts of it came back, to a degree-" he gestured around to the woods around them. 'My home, my friends, my family. My duties as a pack member. But nothing even came close to comparing to what I felt for _you_- that tiny little baby in Rosalie's arms, looking at me with your soft brown eyes...and gripping my heart with the strength of titanium steel." He smiled at her, a smile that dazzled her. "My love for you was _everything_. So strong, it was bigger than just me. It was everything about me; everything that makes me who I am. Nothing could ever break it, or wear it down. And nothing ever _will_. Because that's _still the way I feel_."

He layed one of his giant hands down on her stomach while he waited for her response.

Meanwhile, Renesmee was trying to remember how to breathe.

She had had no idea that it was _like_ that. How _strong_ it was. She hadn't ever had a clue that the way he felt for her was that...that...

_Holy shit. I can't even think of the right words!_

She took a shaky breath as she tried to push down the wave of emotion suddenly fighting to topple her over. She had to ask him one more question- to be certain of something.

"So, you love me more than you loved my mom?"

He laughed, a deep roaring laugh that came from the pit of his stomach and reverbrated in Renesmee's bones.

"Nessie, words cannot _describe_ how much more I love you than I loved your mom."

And that was when Renesmee started to cry.

As soon as Jacob saw the tears running down her cheeks, he panicked. He stopped walking, and frantically started wiping the tears from her face with his burning hot fingers. "Nessie, what's wrong? What'd I say? I'm sorry!"

Renesmee shook her head at him as more tears gushed miserably from her sorrel colored eyes. _Oh, jake, You don't understand._

"I don't deserve you," she sobbed brokenly at him. 'You tell me about how you've loved me more than anything in the whole entire world since the day I was _born_, and what do I have to give to you in return? Oh Jake, don't you _see_!? I love _you_ more than anything, too! But I haven't loved you nearly long enough. I want to make you happy, but I'll never be able to catch up to the way you've devoted yourself to me! You're too far ahead, and no matter how hard I try, for the rest of my _life_, I'll always have to know that you've loved me longer , even though the only thing I want is to love you the way you love me. To love you the _same_."

A jagged, ripping breath of icy night air tore it's way into her lungs after she had finished, and for a second, it was silent. And then Jacob smiled.

When he spoke to her, his voice was full of love, and as gentle as the hands rubbing slow circles on her back. He started walking again as he silenced her worries.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen. You shouldn't be upset because I've loved you longer. Even though I didn't _choose_ to imprint on you, I've never regretted it. And I would choose to imprint on you all over again, _a million, kagillion, octillion times_. Because you're the only one I'm ever going to want. And it doesn't _matter_ to me that you only started loving me the same a little while ago; you don't have to worry about catching up. Because the fact that you love me _period _hasn't just made my day. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it made my _millenium_. Don't tell yourself you don't deserve me- because _I'm _the one that doesn't deserve _you_.

Right at that moment, Renesmee wanted to kiss Jacob so badly that she had to dig her nails into her own arms to stop herself. It took every ounce of self-restraint and discipline she had, and it took about ten seconds before she could un-burrow her nails from her flesh. Tears were still coming out of her eyes, but now she was smiling. She took the large, burning hand on her stomach in both of her own as she whispered up to him.

"Jacob Black. You know I love you, right? More than anything."

And his eyes were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen as he replied with the sentence that Edward had said to Bella before Renesmee was born.

"As I love you."

For the rest of the walk home, it was silent, and Renesmee was left with her feelings. So Jacob Black was her soulmate. Her only love- for life. The one she would stop at nothing to spend the rest of her endless life with. Hers. He was hers. Somehow, by some sort of fluke miracle of God, he loved her the same way she loved him- he had from the start. It _was_ more than she deserved. But she would let hell rise up and _invade_ before she took it for granted. She had been blessed- in her opinion, it was the greatest blessing that anybody in the history of the world had ever recieved- and she was going to work everyday to somehow earn him. She was going to be the best she could to him- she would become worthy of his love.

By the time she had finished this vow, they had reached the front yard of the Cullen's house. Time to face the music. Jacob tightened his grip on her when he heard her stop breathing again, and did his best to reassure her. "Don't worry, Ness. It's not like they're actually gonna kill us. And if they actually _do_ decide to get physical, they're only going to go after me- they won't touch you."

She laughed at his absurdity. "Like I would ever let them."

It was when they were standing in front of the main entrance when she realized two very bad things.

Thing # 1.) My dad is totally goint to vaporize us.

Thing # 2.) _Shit. _I forgot to tell Jake about Seth.

_**That's a wrap. ^-^**_

_**Again, sorry for the wait. With any luck, the next will be coming a lot sooner.**_

_**Review, and tell me what you think.**_

_**Angel Out. ~Hearts~**_


	20. Relief

_**Okay people, here it is- my twentieth chapter. Again, so sorry for the wait. I hope I haven't made enemies here with my writer's block. **_

_**^-^ This one is going to be very dramatic, so grab your popcorn!!!**_

Renesmee never got the chance to tell Jacob about her problem before they walked through the front door of her house.

That was when the more _pressing_ problems started.

The second they were through the threshold, an antique vase she recognized as a member of Esme's prized collection came whizzing through the air toward's them at a speed human eyes wouldn't catch. But Jake was on the ball- he must have been expecting something like this, and he caught the vase a couple inches from his face and then put it down on the end table beside them, so as not to harm Esme's hundred-year old treasure. His dark eyes scanned the room in a glare to see who had thrown the deadly missile; after a second, they landed on Rosalie. ~_Of course. It would HAVE to be the deranged Blondie that tries to take my head off in the first two seconds. That means that Steroidal Ken Doll must be somewhere close.~ _

Both Renesmee and Jacob had only another second to analyze the situation before the entire Cullen family literally dropped down onto the main floor of the house from above; landing nearly silently on the honey oak wood, all six of the other vampires had launched themselves over the banister of the third floor, free falling to the living room as she had done countless times before. Except now, their mission wasn't to casually sit on the couach and chat like classy, modern vampires. It was _looking _like their objective was to make the monsters like Nosferatu proud, and gorily end her and Jacob's lives.

Her family didn't even bother with glares or stony silences this time- they got right to the shouting. It was Bella that started. She marched up to the two of them- and then practically ignored Renesmee. She dug right into Jacob, trying to tear chunks off with her words.

"Jacob, how the hell _could you_?! I told you to wait! I told you not to tell her until _we_ were ready! Did I tell you that we were ready? Did I!? Now everything is completely ruined. _Ruined!! _Do you have any idea of the consequences this could cause for her? Any idea what kind of _pain_ this could put her in? The indecision? How could you possibly know that she would have chosen you, if you hadn't pushed yourself on her!!??"

Renesmee looked up anxiously at Jacob, and her fears were confirmed when she saw that he was suffering. His shoulders had started to bow under the crushing weight of Bella's words, and his eyes were full of pain. Something in Renesmee shifted as she continued to silently listen. Something started to climb upward.

Bella wasn't finished yet, and for the first time ever, Renesmee could feel the beautiful harmony of her mother's voice grating on her nerves like twisted knives.

"She was supposed to live as normal a life as possible, Jake. That _includes_ you _not_ telling her that you have some mystical claim on her! It doesn't give her a choice! When she was born, we all agreed, Jacob. _We were going to give her the choice_."

Her last words burned him like a brand, but before Renesmee could intervene, her father Edward jumped in right after Bella had finished. The strange pressure in Renesmee's chest rose a little higher, and she couldn't find a voice to speak with. Edward was now talking to Bella, in a slick cold voice that reminded Renesmee of Mr. Kermanick. His golden eyes were dangerous as they stormed directly at her fox colored ones. Whereas Bella had been ignoring Renesmee, Edward was ignoring Jacob. So far.

'I can't seem to grasp _what _Renesmee has decided on," he said in that stiff, violent voice that came out when he was pissed. "Our child seems to have blocked me out of her head completely." His eyes bored more deeply into hers, and she could actually _feel_ his mental energy, clean and crisp and sharp as a knife, trying to cut through her defences. But she had gotten stronger, and she just pushed right back, keeping him out of her head, blatantly refusing to cow under his prying gaze. Edward voiced the change, and when he did so his voice was bordering on a snarl. "She's gotten much stronger, Carlisle. I can't cut through her smokescreen." Without looking away from her, he directed his voice at a different person. "Jasper, some assistance?"

Renesmee dropped her father's gaze to look into the eyes of her uncle, assessing what she saw behind the golden irises. She saw a very smooth, cool mask- and underneath_ that_, she saw loyalty. Relief washed over her. Jasper would cover her.

Jasper's voice was as smooth and open as his expertly masked face as he said. 'I don't think so, Edward. If she's trying this hard to block you, then I'm not interfering. This isn't my battle. It's yours. So fight it yourself, brother." Edward's face contored in black roiling fury, but only for a moment; his expression resumed a very battered calm, and his features became calculating. He was thinking hard again. After a moment of silence, he commenced to rake his verbal claws down Jacob's back.

"Jacob, when I saw in your mind that you had imprinted on my infant daughter at a mere ten minutes of age, I wasn't very happy." His voice was now a cool, collected hiss, but it still did major damage. "But I decided to let you have a chance. I let you be around her as often as you wanted, and I let you have a major role in raising her. I ley you watch her grow. But we had a condition in place. And this is over-stepping the line." _Zssssrnch. _The pressure inside Renesmee bubbled up higher, extremely uncomfortable. Still, she couldn't speak.

It was Jacob who spoke. Spoke angrily. "I was never allowed to tell her how I felt!" he yelled into Edward's now re-fuming face. "I was allowed to watch her grow every day, yes. I was allowed to be a part of her life, yeah. But I was never allowed to be as big a part as I wanted to be. The part I _need_ to be!" He drew himself back up to his full height, towering over even Emmett as soon as he did so. His hands curled into fists, and his arms trembled. Renesmee prayed for them to still even as she stood in riveted, morbid silence, dying to intervene. 'I can't live without her!! How long did you expect me to stay here, being buried alive in my own silence!?"

_ Zssssrnch. _Renesmee noticed that the feeling she had thought was pressure was actually something more like the coiling of a metal spring, and she was wound up so tight she was ready to snap. The feeling was nearly now an actual physical pain, ripping open her chest in it's dire need to unravel itself, and yet she still couldn't find a voice to set it free with. She took a deep breath, to try and expand the space in her body. Her eyes started to water.

Her entire family was now speaking at once, all trying to forcefully input their answer to his obviously rhetorical question.

"Until you were in a nice, neat little grave, you _mutt_--"

"We were going to tell you when it was okay--"

"I had a theory about how this was supposed to work out--"

"The risk up until now was just too great--"

And then, once again, her father's voice, somehow instilling silence in all of the other's, asking the question of questions. The question that snapped the spring.

"How do you know she's _really _chosen you, Jacob?"

Jacob snorted loudly, his eyes flashing daggers at Edward. His teeth were barred in a feral snarl, and a quiet growl slipped through his teeth. Renesmee lightly felt it reverbrate in her splitting sides. "I know because she _told_ me so." He turned to her, and his eyes searched hers as he asked her in a soft voice, "right, Ness?"

That was when Renesmee was sure she was dying. Because even as she desperately screamed out to answer him, to calm his fears, nothing would come from her lips. And he was taking her silence the wrong way. The light in his eyes was slowly going out. The spring inside her was prying her apart, turning her inside out, destroying her in it's effort to uncoil. It was killing her, and the faltering look in her loved one's eyes was killing her, drowning her in her own helplessness and fear, and she was going to die in this silence, and never say another word. She needed someone to save her, before it was too late....

Jasper heard her silent voice. And it was Jasper that saved her. He looked her directly in the eye as his lips parted and he said the words, gave her spring the last little push it needed to rip free. Loyal to the point where it was just between the two of them. He opened his mouth, and let the words out. "I don't think she had anything to say, Jacob." And then he smiled.

Something inside Renesmee tore as the spring exploded out of her body, raging out from her in every direction. And then her voice was coming, coming at the speed of light, and Renesmee couldn't have stopped it if she tried, because it was ripping it's way out of her lips in a scream of sound.

"Yes!!!!!"

Renesmee reached out to grab Jacob's hand, as tight as she could, and she smiled directly at Jasper as she let the wave break out.

_Thank you Jasper. Thank you thank you thank you!!!_

And then she was lifting her barriers, letting the force from the coiled spring out so fast it was as if they had simply disappeared. At the same time, she forced the sensation through her hand and into Jacob's, showing him what her father and Jasper were seeing. The energy was white hot, so white it was infused with blue, and blindingly bright. A mental scream in her own voice with the force of a real one accompanied it. Edward staggered back as he took it in. Jasper covered his ears, wincing. Jacob gasped, but he didn't let go of her hand- he only grasped it tighter, as tight as she was holding his. A grip that would turn human bones to dust. And it was the most glorious thing Renesmee had ever felt.

Every thought, every feeling, every memory she had of Jacob Black was pouring out of her chest in that river of invisible white mental-energy and into her family and Jacob's heads. The bad ones. The ones of the meadow, that she had tried so hard to hide. The good ones. The ones of friendship. The ones of her unrealized love. The ones of her _realized_ love. The horrible, heart-scarring pain of her missing him when he had been gone. The feeling, completely indescribable, of when her heart had grown to the size of five oceans. Every second of every day she had spent growing up with him. The way she had felt when she saw him for the first time when he returned to her. Those few weightless seconds when she had felt completely out of control of her soul. The moment she had decided she loved him more than anything else in the world. His smile his hair his skin his voice his hands his warmth his jokes his eyes his heart and he _loves _me....

She showed them the way _she _loved _him_. Showed them the way that couldn't quite be put into words, the feelings of wanting to give him everything and not knowing how. The fierce determination of her goal of _earning_ him as someone to spend forever with. Her delirious happiness at the fact that he loved _her_. Had chosen _her_. Had imprinted on _her_. Wanted to spend forever with _her_. She showed them the undying strength of the new devotion she was feeling, the new loyalty. She showed them the complete truth of the fact that she wanted him and only him and no one else and that she wanted to spend the rest of all humanistry with the boy that was holding her hand.

All of these feelings just kept on flowing and flowing out of her, coming from her entire life's memory, her entire soul. Everything she had, in a seemingly endless stream of dazzlement and utter truth. And she knew that even when she had lived for a thousand years, she still wouldn't know words big enough to describe the way it felt to be Renesmee at that very moment.

After what felt like a millenium in itself but was actually probably only a minute or two, the flowing river of silent sound and invisible sight pouring out of Renesmee quieted, and then stopped. Utter silence. No one, not even Jacob, was so much as breathing. The quiet and stillness where in complete contrast to a moment ago, and for a moment she was scared. Had she just lost all she had of Jacob? She ran a check, fast as lightning, through her head- and sighed in relief. It was all there. Every thought, every memory, every feeling of Jacob that she had just shared with her family and love were safe and sound in her head, to remain there until the end of time. She hadn't lost a thing.

Her entire family was staring at her with wide golden eyes. Jasper looked like he ad been bashed with a two-by-four. Edward looked like he had gotten bashed by the entire tree. Jacob was still holding her hand in that crushing grip, and when she looked up at him, he was staring back down at her, smiling like the sun and looking at her with eyes that made every bone in her body feel like jello.

Renesmee wasn't quite done. Like her mother had always said, she had to "strike while the iron is hot". She continued to hold Jacob's hand, and she took a step forward, pulling her with him to stand directly by her side once again. Drawing herself up to her full height of five foot two inches, she placed her free hand on her hip, and gave her entire family a crisp, cool look from her narrowed eyes that encompassed complete attentiveness and gave her complete control. Even though all she wanted to do was collapse in Jacob's arms (which were trembling from a non-anger based emotion) and let herself turn into a gelatin, her voice was firm, clear, and loud.

_"That's _what I have to say, people. You just saw it for yourselves, Dad, Jasper." She looked at Emmett, her aunts, and her mother. "You guys are just gonna have to take their words for it. Aunt Alice, you could see if they were lying." Her eyes narrowed a bit farther as she leaned in towards them just the slightest bit. "I _have _chosen Jacob, and he is the _only _one I want. I chose him all by myself- he didn't pressure me into anything. You're all just going to have to accept that from now on, because as of _now_, we are together. And if you can't deal with that, then I guess I'll be following the legal age laws of departure, and moving out from home at the ripe age of sixteen."

Everything was completely silent again for a two whole seconds, but Jake was breathing this time. She revelled in the feeling of his warm mass next to hers, and she pressed the side of her small body into his much larger one. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her there, and she listened to his heartbeat as he listened to hers.

Then her father spoke. He still looked a bit baffled, but he was about 95 percent under control again from the shock he had just recieved. When he spoke, his voice was also a bit baffled, but soft, and it held a great amount of only slightly begrudging acceptance. "That won't be necessary, Renesmee. You can stay here. And you can be with Jacob. We believe you." He turned to the rest of his family, looking Bella straight in the eye. "She's telling the truth, my love. Every word was the truth. She really does love Jacob. And she really did make the choice all by herself."

Bella looked completely shocked for one moment, and then she turned to Renesmee, apology in her golden eyes.

"I'm not even going to say "sorry"," she choked out to her daughter. 'It would never be good enough. How can we ever make it up to you?"

Renesmee pursed her lips as she lifted her head from the side of her dark-eyed love's chest, and spoke without hesitation. "Three things. Firstly, give me some space and let me make my own decisions. I'm a big girl now, and it's time I live my life to reflect that. Secondly, stop hiding things from me. Again, I'm an adult now, and if it's about me or my loved ones, I deserve to know." Her voice faltered just the slightest bit, and she sniffed a little before she said "and thirdly, tell me that you guys will all forgive me and Jasper-" she shot an apologetic glance at her uncle- "for lying to you guys and hiding things from you, and that we can go back to being a happy family that will listen to eachother and have the good communication we had before this whole thing started. Promise me that we can be a real family again."

Her mother's eyes pricked like she would have been crying if she were human, and her voice showed that her heart was in her throat as she whispered,"done, Nessie. In a heartbeat. We'll be real family, I promise." And then her mother had flitted in front of her and was holding her in her arms, rocking back and forth just a bit too fast to make it look human. When Renesmee looked over her mother's shoulder, she saw her entire family smiling at her and looking at her happily. And she felt like she was finally _truly_ home again.

She suddenly felt herself being lifted, moved away, out of her mothers arms. She might have resisted, except she felt the heat of the hands holding her emanating through her t-shirt. Jacob was picking her up, turning her towards him, crushing her to his chest. And she_ wanted _to be crushed. She formed her body along with his, pressing herself tightly to every line, until they were together so completely they may as well have formed an air tight seal. Her head was rested comfortably under his chin, and she was having a hard time not letting her eyes slide closed; she just felt so..._together_. She wrapped her legs, no longer touching the floor, around his waist.

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat, and she felt a growl of annoyance come from Jacob as he was forced to lift his head and look up at the room. Feeling equally deprived, Renesmee sighed, and turned to look at her family behind her. They were all facing the two of them, eyes politely averted, looking obviously embarrassed. All except for Alice, who was now giving Jasper the Death Glare, and Edward, her father. The one who had started all this trouble. The one who had just cleared his throat.

"Renesmee, honey, I am so, so sorry. I will never be fully able to explain the remorse I am feeling for my actions. I feel as if this is all my fault-" he silently hushed her mother, who had opened her lips to oppose his statement- "I have seen firsthand the way you feel about your Jacob, and now we know past a shadow of a doubt that the choice was completely your own." His solemn, apologetic golden eyes flitted up past Renesmee's head, and she knew that they were meeting with Jacob's dark ones. 'I'm sorry to _you_, too, Jacob. I shouldn't have questioned so harshly. I should have known that you would never pressure Renesmee into anything." He bowed his tousled bronze head, and his voice was lower as he spoke to both of them at once. 'Please say you'll forgive me."

Jacob was the first to speak of the two of them. His voice was booming and joyous as he announced "Of course I forgive you, Edward. Everything is cool." It was silent for a moment as everyone except for Alice and Jasper, who were still having a heated conversation, looked to Renesmee, now standing again on the honey oak floor, held tightly in Jacob's arms. Her wide sorrel eyes were clear as she looked directly at her father and spoke the words she knew it was only right to speak. "I forgive you too, Dad."

Her father smiled brilliantly, a smile to rival Jacob's earlier one. "Thank you," he said fervently. His shoulders were slightly bowed. He then straightened up to his full height, and gestured to the both of them with a very Carlisle-esque smile. "Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to speak on behalf of the entire Cullen family, especially myself, in saying that the two of you have our blessing, and are free to continue as you wish."

Renesmee Carlie Cullen felt like flying, but she settled for snuggling back into Jacob's chest. She couldn't make the words move past her throat to say thank-you. She simply clung like a baby koala to her love's side, dreamily feeling the warmth of his skin heating hers. It was all hers now. _He _was all hers. Forever.

_My Jacob. Perfect. Mine._

There was the sound of a chuckle, and this time the voice was distinctly female. Alice was looking at them with a shrewd eye and a cunning smirk as she laughingly said 'well, this just got akward. Me and Jazz are gonna go hunt. Or rather, I'm gonna string him up in a tree and we're going to have a full-length conversation about his behaviour." Still smirking, she grabbed Jasper by the wrist and hauled him off for a "punishment' that nobody else really wanted to think about. At all. Esme, being the mother, was the first to react. "Um, okay then, you kids have fun, and me and Carlisle are going up to the study. We'll see you later!" She touched her fingers to Carlisle's wrist, and he instantaneously flitted his hand up to her waist, and they flew up the stairs and out of sight together in perfect sync. Emmett grinned a huge, chilling grin and looked his neice dead in the eye before saying "Y'know, if Nessie is anything like her mom Bella, I think I might want to watch this." He started to guffaw. He only did that for about two seconds though before Rosalie gave him The Look, and he stopped laughing. A slow, sexy smile spread out across his handsome features, and his head cocked to one side as he wrapped an arm around Rosalie's waist. "Then again, me and you have _better _things to do, Rose." He swept her off her feet and carried her in the unmistakeable direction of their bedroom, Rosalie giggling all the way. Renesmee felt like heaving at the thought of her uncle taking "inspiration" from her and Jacob.

Her parents were the last to leave. Edward appeared to be glued to the floor, his eyes transfixed on his little girl in Jacob's arms. But Bella had him covered. Giving her daughter and old best friend a very meaningful smile, she turned to her husband and ripped him from his place, cheerfully murmuring to him as she dragged him out of the room. They were alone. They both focused their ears to listen for the sounds of Renesmee's family busying themselves in other ways, and then as soon as it was quiet, Jacob turned to her. His eyes were so bright with love and joy that they were glowing a pretty brown instead of they're usual near-black. His voice sent tingly shivers down her spine as he whispered to her. "So, you weren't just pulling one over on your dad when you showed us.....what you showed us?" Renesmee smiled softly at him, and shook her head. "I meant every second of it."

Jacob's grin was so massive that if he were wearing lipstick, it would have been on his ears. He whispered back to her. "So you really _do _love me that much?"

She nodded again, and replied "and that was just the stuff I even knew how to explain. I actually love you _more_ than what you saw."

His smile became something like Emmett's earlier one as he slowly bent down to her eye level. His face was just inches from hers as he whispered "Well, I guess we're just about even then. Because I'm going to love you even more after this."

"After wha-"

She never got a chance to finish. Jacob's burning hot arms wrapped they're way around her waist and her mouth was silenced by his. Moving his lips softly and slowly against hers, he worked her up higher and higher, kissing her until she couldn't breathe. She wrapped her arms around his neck, twined her hands into his hair, and closed her half-open eyes. She kissed him back with passion, and his mouth opened as he blissfully moaned her name. Renesmee's eyes rolled back into her head a little as he switched from her mouth to her jaw, working his way down to her collarbone.

But this wasn't right. Not in her kitchen. Not with her parents upstairs. And besides- despite the way his touch felt on her skin, she really wanted to wait. So she opened her eyes and placed her small hand over his enormous one, keeping it in place. Her voice was soft when she looked him in the eye and spoke.

"Jake, this isn't the right place, or the right time. We have to wait a while. We have to do this right."

He looked pouty for a brief moment before he smiled and nodded. "Just remember that I love you. More than anything." He tenderly cupped her face in his hands and kissed both of her closed eyelids before he leaned his forehead in to touch hers. They stayed that way for a moment, and then Renesmee's eyes flipped open, and searched upward until they found Jacob's, already open and staring at her. They both smiled at the same moment. "I'll always remember. And I'll always feel the same."

They kissed once more, and this time it was soft and sweet, and very innocent. And she was happy. For the first time in what felt like a millenia, she was truly happy.

That was until she remembered that she still had to tell Jacob about problem #2.

She bit down on her bottom lip and her smile faded as she searched his dark eyes. How would he react? She feared the worst. But she had to be honest with him; from now on, honesty was vitally important.

So she took a deep breath, and began.

"Jake? I have to tell you something. Something....about Seth."

_**Ah, cliffhangers. I just love them! =) I'm sure at this point, you love to hate them. So, there you go. The first kiss(es). Hope I lived up to expectations. Review and tell me what you think.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_


	21. Author's Note

_**Author's Note**_

Hello, everyone. I am aware that a lot of people have been waiting for my newest chapters to

come out on my stories, and I realize that I was very behind on my usual quota. It is with sad regret that

I am writing you all this letter to inform you that I will be putting all of my works on Hiatus for an

amount of time as of yet undisclosed. Very recently, I had my heart shattered by someone I very much

loved, and I am assuming that it is going to take a very long time to get over him. Since it is all but

impossible for a heart-broken person to write romance novels without putting themselves through

immense amounts of pain, I will be taking some time off of my writing in order to try and get my life

back together. I am deeply apologetic for any inconvenience this causes you all, because you have been

nothing but kind to me. Please understand what I am going through, and that I will begin to write again

as soon as I can.

Sincerely,

Angel Of Dark Intuition


	22. Secrets Told, Reunions Held

_**Alright, I know most of you probably want to kill me. I know I virtually disappeared for three months. But I have good news. I have finally gotten over my sad excuse for an ex boyfriend, and I will be returning to writing all of my stories on a regular basis. This is chapter 22 of The Black Flower, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to hit my groove stronger than ever. Anyone who reads this or comments, I want to thank you for sticking with me, even when I was completely useless to you.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_

Jacob's eyes instantly turned black as concern for one of his charges took over the immediate part of his brain.

"Is something wrong with Seth? What happened to him? Do the others know?"

Renesmee bit down on her lip, hard. If she were completely human, she would have bitten it off. The words that she knew she had to say were scraping like rusty nails up and down her throat, and she could imagine the blood there, running into her stomach. She didn't at _all _want to tell Jacob these next words. But she had to. Jacob saw the look in her eyes, and took her hand in his in an effort to comfort her. She took advantage of this to drag him over to the nearest long, low white couch. She knew that _she_, at least, was going to want to be sitting for this. She took his enormous hand in both of her small ones. As quickly as a reflex, he took _his _other hand and covered hers completely with it. She took a deep, painful breath, and winced as the nails of cruelty she was about to spit out raked up her throat again. She focused on those hands, tangled so closely together, so that she could force herself on.

Her voice was strangely rough and grated when she spoke, almost as if the nails were really there. She sounded like a chain smoker. She cleared her throat, and tried one more time. "Jake, while you were gone, I was a mess. You know that." He winced. Instead of wincing in return, she forged ahead unsteadily, continuing with what she had to say. "And....Seth was very helpful to me, when I was at my worst. He stayed with me when my own family was doubting me. He forced me to take care of myself, and everything I couldn't do, he did _for _me."

Suddenly, she lunged up to sit on his lap, leaning forward and taking his face into both of her hands. "Remember that I love you." Her voice was fierce as she looked deeply into his confused eyes. "Remember that, no matter what you hear or how bad it sounds, I love you, and _only _you, and that nothing can change that fact. Okay?" Before he could answer, she took one more deep breath, and rushed forward.

"It would seem that Seth had ulterior motives when he was helping me. I couldn't understand why he would be so nice to me." Her voice grew sharply irritated. "Then he _showed _me. Jacob, Seth told me that he was in love with me and would give up his imprint to be with me. And then he kissed me." She squeezed her eyes shut and threw herself against his wide, hot chest. "I'm so sorry," she groaned. And then nothing happened.

It took Renesmee's accelerated mind a couple of seconds to realize that it was silent. She had been expecting a quick and immediate explosion, and it wasn't coming. Also, the huge hot body she was sprawled on wasn't moving, save for the rising and falling of his chest as he breathed calmly and evenly. Her eyes slowly opened, and then she turned her face upward just enough so that she could peek at him.

Her sorrell eyes were met by his dark ones, and when she went to go ducking back down, he caught her chin with one finger and lifted her face back up to his. When he spoke, his voice was very serious. But Renesmee knew him well enough to sense the pain deep underneath. A knife stabbed her in the chest as he asked her the question she feared the most. "Nessie....are you in love with Seth too now?" His eyes looked muted--he was making a physical effort to crush down the emotion he was feeling from her view.

Her eyes instantly filled with tears, and a noise that sounded like choking escaped her throat. Jacob's hands instantly went straight to her face, and his voice was panicked as he asked "Nessie, what's wrong? Where does it hurt!" The tears spilled over. She had told him the truth. Now Jacob was in pain. Jacob was trying to comfort her. And Jacob was dying. Miraculously, she was able to force the right words out of her mouth. "N-n-o, Jacob, no! I'm n-not in l-l-ove w-with him! I alread-dy told y-you that I only love y-you." Her voice dissolved into staggering sobs, and Jacob frantically wiped the tears from her eyes, only to make room for more. His voice was soothing as he tried to calm her. "Nessie, it's okay, I'm fine. I just had to make sure, so I would know what to do. Please don't cry sweetheart. It's all going to be fine." He pulled her to his chest again, and placed one hand on her hair, holding her head to his shoulder. He let out a huge sigh, and pressed his face into her hair.

Renesmee was just regaining control of her voice, and she sounded wobbly when she asked her questions. "What are you talking about? Jake, are you mad at me?"

Quiet laughter. "No Nessie, I'm not mad at you. That isn't possible." He kissed the top of her head, and then let out another sigh as he moved to rub slow circles on her back, comforting her further. "I'm frustrated with Seth. I just never saw him doing this, especially not behind my back, when I couldn't make my own accomodations." He growled. "Seth always _was _ very opinionated when it came to my imprint with you, in his head." Renesmee's eyes widened. 'what do you mean?" It came out as a gasp, and Jacob's eyes narrowed as he replied in a stiff voice. "Seth thinks me and Quil are.....weird, because of our imprints. He thinks the age factor is a real problem." He let out a chuckle, but it didn't sound amused. "I'm 21. He thinks that a sixteen year old is too young for me."

Anger coursed through Renesmee, and when she spoke, her voice was snippy. "Seth can mind his own damned business. I don't care _how _much older than me you are--you're _mine_." Her fox colored eyes were fierce and fervent as she said the words, and she caught one of his hands in her own to prove the point, twisting theyre fingers together in a lock.

Jacob's answering grin was blinding, and his beauty took Renesmee's breath away for a moment. His voice was low and soft but overjoyed when he replied. "I know that."

Renesmee carefully chose how to respond to this. She took a pass on doing it as she would have naturally chosen to--it was much too gushy and embarrassing. Instead, she simply said "so what are we going to do with Seth?"

Jacob sighed. "The kid doesn't know what he's doing. And he must be getting a lot of ream-outs from the rest of the pack for what he did. I'm just going to be gracious, and when I see him, I'm going to act like I don't know anything. And then I'll deal with him when he comes to talk to me, or the first time we all phase, because then I would have figred it out anyway. Whichever comes first." His face was thoughtful as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand he was holding, and when he next spoke, he was looking at the ceiling instead of her. "I _am _glad I heard about all of this from you, and not from the pack when we all phased. It makes me feel better to know that you would be honest with me." He cracked a smile, and _this _time he looked amused. "I know you _think _I'm superman or something, but I'm _way _more insecure and critical of myself than you know. I have worries and fears, just like any other human guy my age." Renesmee's skin tingled as he moved his hand slowly up her back and cupped it around her chin. His eyes were black and smoldering when he continued. "And since I love you with my whole being and I'm certifiably crazy about you, _plus _you happen to be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I kind of go a little nuts when I think there might be a reason to worry." He smiled again, but this time it was sexy.

A strange itching began in Renesmee's lower abdomen as soon as she saw that smile, and there was obvious desire in her large eyes. She was staring at his mouth when she spoke. "You know perfectly well that you don't and never _will _ have anything to worry about with me, Jacob Black. I'm yours, forever."

His smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of purpose. "That's all I wanted to hear." He moved his face to met hers, and she gladly succumbed to his passionate kisses.

It was a few minutes later that Jacob broke away from her and turned to face the stairwell across the room. Over the sounds of their ragged breathing, Renesmee could easily pick up the sound of an alarm clock beeping upstairs. _Crap. Three. _It was now three in the morning, and as soon as she realized it, she felt exhaustion pouring into her bones and pressing into her body. Now that she was with Jacob again and she momentarily had nothing to worry about, her body was allowing itself to feel the full extent of the entire expidenture. She had never realized exactly how tired she was until now. Renesmee slumped forward back onto Jacob's chest, her eyes sliding shut as she nestled there. Jacob's breathing had slowed to a normal pace, as had hers, and his expression was tender as he gathered her into his arms and carried her up both flights of stairs up to her room. Renesmee managed to drag her eyelids back just as he was setting her on the bed. She lifted one of her arms from her chest to feebly pat the space beside her with one tiny hand, and smiled invitingly up at him.

She was tempted to laugh as the look on Jacob's face went from adoring to self-concious and nervous, and she could feel the vibrations through the bed posts as he scuffed his huge feet on the floor. His eyes were shy and his voice was awed as he asked the question she knew was coming.

"You want me to sleep with you?"

She _did _laugh this time, and reached up with something of an effort to grab one of his hands. "Of course I do. You _are _my "boyfriend" now, for all intents and purposes." Her grin took on a slightly mischievieous quality as she continued. "Besides, I'm assuming that it's something that you've wanted to try for a while now, what with me being your imprint and all." One of his eyebrows rose and he smirked, and Renesmee momentarily paused in her speech to contemplate how darkly handsome and yet simultaneously adorable he was. While she was doing this, Jacob spoke, and _his _voice was patient and amused. "You're a bit _more _to me than a _girlfriend_, Nessie. The only reason we use "girlfriend" is because "soulmate" or "reason for living" sound creepy in casual conversation."

Renesmee's face took on a solemn expression as she replied. "You're right. You'd sound like a jail escapee for stalking and harrassment." Before he could respond, she smiled again, and lifted up both arms to him like a small child. Her voice was small and cute she used one of her very uncharacteristic "Alice-moves" to get what she wanted.

"C'mon, Jakey. Come keep me warm."

Jacob broke into a grin as he relented, and climbed onto the huge white bed to lie beside her. For a moment he simply looked at her, silently asking her for permission. Knowing what he wanted, Renesmee nodded and held her arms out, and he wordlessly collected her into his arms and held her there, keeping her warm without a blanket, and only the heat of his skin. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow, Ness. I can feel it already. Try to get some sleep, okay?" Renesmee curled her hands up into small fists and held them to his chest, nestling there. She curled her legs up too, so that she was laying in a small ball, contoured against him. "Don't worry," she said, and her voice was muffled and somewhat groggy. "I'm so tired, _not _sleeping isn't much of an option anyway." He laughed silently but excuberantly, and Renesmee joined in, weary as she was. The bed held steady and motionless beneath them; it was a good bed--strong enough to hold Jacob's weight as well as her own. He bent his head down to where her's was, and tenderly kissed her forehead before whispering "I love you, Renesmee Carlie Cullen. So much. And I'm so glad you picked _me_." Renesmee smiled a sleepy smile, and then tilted her head all the way back so she could kiss the corner of his mouth. "I love you, Jacob Ephraim Black. And I always will. And I promise you--now that I've picked you, I'm never looking back."

~//~//~

_~**Jacob's P.O.V.**~_

"I love you, Renesmee Carlie Cullen. So much. And I'm so glad you picked _me_." The words basically climbed out of his mouth--he couldn't have stopped them if he wanted to. The girl lying next to him on this bed was the love of his life. His soulmate. His reason for existence. His entire future. The only person on the face of the planet that he was ever going to want--the thing he couldn't live without. He had hurt her so much--hurt her immeasurably. By doing it, he had hurt _himself_--he had been sure that he would never be the same afterwards. But that had all changed. He hadn't been the same....he had been _better_. The moment she said the words that would change the rest of his life.

_"I love you, Jacob Black."_

They would stay with him forever, in his heart, in his mind, and in his soul. Integrating themselves into him until they became a part of his very basics. Such an integral part of who he was, nothing could change him back. This girl was everything under the sun to him--more important than food or water or air. Her name was his alphabet; the heart of his language. And she loved him, the way he wanted her to love him, the way he had prayed all her life she would love him. The way he loved her.

And now she was reaffirming that love, in response to the words he had said.

"I love you, Jacob Ephraim Black. And I always will. And I promise you--now that I've picked you, I'm never looking back."

To say that he was happy would be an understatement. Really, there was simply nothing that could be said. Because he was just _So Fucking Happy_, there were no words that could explain it.

Because Nessie was finally his. All his, for the rest of time.

He tightened his hold on her small, soft body, and smiled as he closed his eyes and listened to her heart as she fell asleep.

_~**End Jacob's P.O.V.**~_

Renesmee was woken up by the sound of Jacob's voice. Which she was happy about, until she realized it was his very angry/urgent voice. Her nostrils flared as she quickly took in a breath of air, assessing all the smells in her room. There was the faint smell of Jasper, as well as her mother. The unforgettable smell of Jacob, and then her own smell. And.....Embry? Her eyes remained closed as her brows furrowed in confusion and slight panic. _What the hell is Embry doing here?_

Jacob was quite helpful in relaying her thoughts in a way that would actually get her questions answered. "Embry, what the _hell_ are you doing here?"

She opened her eyes and lifted a hand to them, and both of the wolves' attention was instantaneously on her. Jacob growled frustratedly at Embry for a moment before moving to scoop her up, setting her in a sitting position with her back against his broad chest. He kept his firm hold on her as he turned his face to glare at Embry. "You woke Nessie up, idiot." Jacob then turned back to face her, and planted a gentle kiss at the corner of her mouth. "Good morning, sweetheart. I hope you slept well. And I'm sorry you had to get woken up this way." Sarcastic irritation leaked into his voice towards the end of his sentence, and he turned back to glare some more at Embry. "Again, what are you doing here? You _know _that I'm the only one allowed across the treaty line, besides Seth. Carlisle is going to have a fit."

Embry had been watching her and Jacob with wide eyes throughout their little exchange, and now he was taking in her PJ's, messy tumbling hair, and confused sorrell eyes. He looked apologetic for one moment, and then shifted to his full height as he returned his attention to her other half. His voice was uncomfortable and akward when he spoke. "Look Jake, I'm sorry I had to come. But don't worry about the Doc. He already knows I'm here, and so does his wife and the rest of the family. Ever since...um..Jasper..crossed the treaty line, things have been kinda strange. The treay has kind of been put on hold or something by your dad, because he knows what's going on." He took a deep breath. "Actually, that's _why _I'm here. Your dad has blatantly demanded to see you--he was threatening to roll himself all the way here. Charlie wants to see you too. And so does Quil Sr. and Sam and Quil and Emily and Paul and Leah and....Seth." He winced the slightest bit on Seth's name, but it was well disguised, and Jacob ignored it. We all miss you a lot, man. This is our first time seeing you, because we don't count last night as actually _seeing _you." He pursed his lips. "You were a little crazy. So I was sent here by your dad to come get you and bring you back to La Push. And of course, you have to take Nessie, too."

Jacob looked torn as soon as he heard the words "your dad", but his voice was still all business as he straightened up and pointed to Renesmee. "It's up to Ness wether or not we go." He turned his head to look down at her, and asked "are you up for it?"

Renesmee put on a game face as she looked up at him and said "Of course, we're going to see everybody. Don't be ridiculous, Jake." While he was still startled, she returned the kiss he had given her, which earned another wide-eyed look from Embry, and then sprang lightly off the bed, lifting her foot to take the first step toward her dresser.

And nearly fell on her face.

Jacob caught her before her face could be introduced to the hardwood, and pulled her back onto the bed. He got up instead. "Stay where you are honey, I'll take care of it," he said with a smile. He took one big step to where Embry was standing, and the two giant teenagers embraced like brothers that hadn't seen eachother in months. Which, by rights, was practically true. They murmered a few sentences to eachother in Quiluit, and then Jacob took a step back and switched back to English. 'It's time for you to go, man. Me and Nessie have to get ready. I'll see you on the Rez." Embry nodded, and then did a salute. He grinned a silly grin at Renesmee, which she returned, and then turned around and ran straight for her window. He disappeared out of it and landed silently on the ground, already running for the woods. As soon as they heard him leave, Jacob gave her a huge smile, and then turned to walk the two necessary giant steps to her dresser that was a foot shorter that him. He opened a couple drawers, and then came back with his favorite pair of her jeans, which were low-cut True Religion boot cut, and a classic california blue-bleached color, with frayed holes for tasteful decoration at the knees and on the thighs. Hanging over his other arm was a black cotton shirt with elbow length sleeves and a hood. He placed them on the bed next to her and then turned around to head for the door. Renesmee caught him by the back of his black t-shirt, holding him there even though he had already stopped. "Ness?" His voice was confused.

"Don't go."

"I'm only going to wait outside the door, Nessie."

"I want you to stay with me."

He turned around grinning playfully. "First you let me sleep with you, and now I have to watch you get undressed? You're sure not playing fair." His eyes shone with love.

Renesmee's mouth popped open in a little "Oh" at his comment. She actually hadn't thought of that at all. Her expression grew solemn and her bottom lip pushed out a little as she thought of the dilemma. She crossed her arms over her chest.

Jacob was silent for a moment, concentrating on something she couldn't pinpoint. Then he smiled again. "Okay, then. I'll go wait in the closet."

'You would do that for me?" Renesmee smiled as she remembered the stories Bella had told her about her and Edward before they were married.

He was already striding towards the walk-in closet, and he threw a look over his shoulder at her, rolling his eyes dramatically and smiling. "There's _nothing _I wouldn't do for you, Nessie. Remember?"

She smiled wider than before, and her voice was quiet. "I remember."

He opened the white closet door and then slipped into the space, closing said door behind him. Renesmee stifled a giggle when she heard him stub his toe off a couple of Mr. Kermanick's beefier textbooks, and his quiet curse that followed.

She moved quickly, stripping everything off and then putting on the new black D-Cup bra that all the women in her family agreed she now needed. This was followed by the matching underwear, and then the clothes Jacob had picked out for her.

She brushed out her tousled wavy hair, and then let it hang--no more ponytails. She put on light, pretty makeup instead of the usual black smears. She looked at the old her in the mirror looking back at her from reality for one second, and smiled like the sun. It was so good to be back at last--completely back. Finally, she flitted to the closet door to get Jacob. Their next stop was the back of the house, where Jacob kept some of his clothes in the shed. He emerged in more jeans, these ones dark blue, and another black t-shirt. Renesmee smiled as she realized that they matched, and that he probably did it on purpose. Jacob drove them in the Ferrari to the reservation, and then to Emily's house. He parked in the grassy front yard where evrybody else had parked, and then came around to Renesmee's side of the car to open her door for her. As soon as she had straightened herself up to her full height, Jacob took her hand and led her to the house, smiling all the way. "Thank you for doing this, Ness," he murmered as they neared the front door. Renesmee squeezed the hand holding hers tightly, and whispered back to him. "There's _nothing _I wouldn't do for you, Jake. Remember?"

He smiled.

_~**Jacob's P.O.V**~_

It had been a very strange morning for Jacob. When his eyes had snapped open at 7:47 AM because he heard the whisper of footsteps on the wooden floor, he had been wary. His displeasure had grown condiserably when he saw that it was Embry invading he and Nessie's privacy. And when Embry wouldn't shut up and Renesmee woke up from her whole four hours of sleep, well, he had been _pissed_. And Nessie had been in a strange mood, too. She hadn't wanted him to leave, even to go stand outside her door and wait for her to change. The pain of that fact stabbed him like a knife. There was a part of him that regretted ever leaving her, for one day, one hour, one moment. That was the part that was in agony. The part that saw her fading insecurities about him. Quickly fading as they may be, they were currently still there. And he didn't know if he could ever make them go away completely. That worry scared him absolutely shitless. The worry that he had done permanent damage to the reason he breathed. And then there was the _other _new sensation. The stronger one. The way she had looked--the moment before he kissed her. The way her breasts, so much bigger than before, pushed up when she crossed her arms like the little girl she used to be. He wasn't going to try and lie to himself--he _wanted _Nessie. And this wasn't anything new. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed her changing body. Or appreciated. Or dreamed. Or drooled, almost. Hell, in the normal world, he would have been labelled a child pedophile and thrown in jail. But this wasn't the real world. And Nessie wasn't a child. And now, she was his. And it made him happy, _so happy_, to think that one day, he would be _able _to stand there and watch her get undressed. Maybe everyday. His future, with her as the center of it, flashed in front of him again, stronger than before.

God, he loved this girl.

_~**End Jacob's P.O.V**~_

Jacob didn't knock on the door--he just opened it and walked right in, pulling Renesmee gently along behind him. There were a lot of people sitting in the Uley's kitchen--many of the beloved faces that she so dearly missed. There was Sam and Emily, of course. They were sitting at the counter, with Emily holding both hands to her stomach, which was bigger, and Sam standing behind her with his hands covering hers over her womb. He was whispering in her ear, and she was smiling. Then they both looked at her and Jacob, and Sam joined in with her smile. There was her grandpa Charlie, and Sue Clearwater, sitting together and talking. Sue was laughing,a nd Charlie was grimacing with a martyred expression. But when they saw Renesmee and Jacob, his grimace turned into an overjoyed smile. There was the entire werewolf pack. Leah smirked, Quil guffawed, Paul dropped the muffin he had been eating and Embry looked completely guilty. _So, that dog has made quick work out of informing the pack about me and Jake. I'll make sure he gets the proper "thanks" for that. _Renesmee smiled and continued to look. Jared was sitting with Kim, enjoying a break for once, like Sam. And there was Seth, staring at her with a haggard grief on his face. So Embry hadn't spared him. A wrenching echoed through Renesmee's gut, and she felt tempted to close her eyes against it. But she didn't have the time to worry about it. Because both her _and _Jacob had just layed eyes on Billy Black.

Jacob walked them all the way over to his father, and then bent down to embrace him. Billy fiercely atatcked his son in a bear hug, and when Renesmee smiled at him knowingly, she saw that there were tears in the ancient black eyes. When it was her turn to hug the man that was like her second father, she felt like crying, too. After that, she went around hugging everyone. She allowed herself to be smothered by Charlie, and then by Sue. She got a hug from both Sam _and _Emily, who was so thrilled to see Renesmee that she was almost crying. Quil dug right into her about her and her new "Loverboy" as soon as she came up to him, and his reward was a broken rib from Jacob that he had to reset. Still, he just kept on grinning. Things with Leah were short, because she already had all the details from Embry. And then it was finally time to see Seth. As they approached him, Renesmee noticed that Jacob had put on a _perfect_ mask of unknowing and friendliness. Seth had done this as well, but his mask wasn't _quite _so perfect. Whereas Jacob was doing exactly as he had promised he would and was giving absolutely ni indication of his knowledge, Seth let a little something slip every single time he looked at her and Jacob's entertwined hands. A little something called pain.

Jacob was a good sport--much better than Renesmee ever could have asked him to be. He even let Seth _hug _her, although she could easily see what it cost her love.

Renesmee looked at the face that she had once thought looked angelic. Now, instead of the sun, she looked into his face and saw a storm cloud.

She didn't know what Seth was to her anymore.

He wasn't her love, because he never had been.

He wasn't her best friend, because that was Jacob. Always had been, always would be.

He was........

And then it clicked.

Seth was just _exactly _like a brother to her. The brother she never had.

And he loved her.

_What am I going to do?_

After Jacob had steered her deftly away from Seth in a fashion that looked very natural, he took Renesmee over to the food table to get some breakfast, and Billy was with them, chatting Jacob up, telling him about the recent weather and hockey games and fishing in La Push. He also slipped in a comment about how Jacob _would _be taking Renesmee and heading for his own home roof and a more personal conversation if he knew what was good for him. She smiled as she listened, picking up one scone for her and five for Jacob, and putting them on plates. As she reached for the jam, she she suddenly got the urge to look up. And when she did, she was shocked at what she saw.

Her hair was glimmering under the kitchen lights, and her hands were shoved in the pockets of her Blue Notes jeans. They matched her light blue gingham camisol under her olive green canvas jacket. The green of the jacket did not compare to the brilliant green of her eyes, which were as huge as ever.

Iliana Hardman was here.

And it was obvious to Renesmee that Iliana hadn't seen _her_, either. She looked startled and unsure, and her huge eyes were even wider than usual. Renesmee's _own _eyes were huge with shock, and at first she didn't notice as Iliana's gaze shifted from her, to Jacob, who was standing with his back turned to her beside her.

She only _noticed _the change when Iliana's gaze _stayed _there. And _stayed _there. And_ continued _to stay there.

After another moment, Jacob turned to face Renesmee, with an adoring smile on his face when he saw her holding the scones. Thinking she wanted help, he reached down to get the jam for her, popping it open with absolutely no effort and then reaching for the knife.

Renesmee turned to him quickly, and gestured with her eyes to Iliana. Seeing what she really wanted, he quickly looked over to where she was looking, looked mildly surprised for a moment, and then turned his attention back to her, smiling at her reassuredly. "Don't worry about Iliana, Nessie. I'm sure she's fine. Do you want jam on your scone, or cream?"

"Cream, please, Jake." Her voice was small and timid as she looked one more time at Ilaina, who was still staring, and then firmly re-focusing her attention on the love of her life, who was holding out her breakfast. She took it while he got them both forks, and then he had her by the hand, and was smiling warmly down at her as he led her to an open spot to sit.

Renesmee returned the smile, because she would do anything to please him. And then once he looked away, lines of worry creased her eyes for the first time ina whole day.

_What was going on?_

_**DUN DUN DUN! ANOTHER cliffhanger! I have to stay in practice, y'know, or I could lose my touch. D:  
Please comment and leave me any thoughts. It felt SO GOOD to write this chapter--thank you SO MUCH fr reading it.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_


	23. Red Skied Morning, Sailors Take Warning

_**Ah, I think I'm getting good at this again. I realized a bunch of little grammatical errors that I'm NOT responsible for-anyone know how to fix those? I also took the time to take a small step back and EXPLAIN why the 21 year old wolves are in highschool with 16 year old Renesmee. xD sorry to all the confused people that were waiting for this explanation.**_

_**Chapter 23, People ^^ And thank you for all of your reviews.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_

The night of February the 4th was much the same as the last. Renesmee and Jacob had left the party early, because Jacob was concerned about the amount of sleep she had gotten the night before. However, Renesmee had refused to go home and sleep, and instead reminded Jacob that Billy had wanted to talk to him. So he had driven them to his own house, tall, red, and faded, and the three of them had spent some quality time with the eldest Black. Billy had been informed by Quil Sr. what was going on the night Jacob left, so he was nowhere near as panicked as Renesmee had initially been. He simply asked him questions about how the journey had been, and then informed him about what was going on in the family. Renesmee sat back and listened happily as Billy filled them in about Rachel and Jessica, and the things they were up to abroad. He told them that Rachel was planning on coming for a visit in a few weeks, and that he expected Jacob to be there. "Of course, Nessie is expected to come too," he informed them with a smile.

After that, Billy had gotten down to the more personal aspects of the visit-he informed his son about how much he had missed him over the three months, and how much he had worried, and how many nights he had stayed up without any sleep. Slowly, Jacob's skin turned a hot red under his russet color, and he hung his head and scuffed his shoes on the floor while he listened to what his dad had to say. Renesmee knew that what Billy was saying was justified-she had been in a worse position a day ago-but she knew how Jacob was feeling, too. So she reached over to where he was sitting on the couch beside her to take his hand, and continued to listen, smiling when she felt him squeezing her fingers.

It was only noon when they left Jacob's house, and she didn't want to sleep yet, so she asked Jacob to take her to the La Push beach. Once they had pulled up the sandy drive and parked the Ferrari, Renesmee bolted out of the car and went running through the sand, laughing all the way, with Jacob right on her heels. They ran all the way to the southern bank of the beach, where there was a jagged finger of rock protruding out into the water. Using the rocks like stepping stones, she leapt gracefully to the very edge of the rocky shelf before she sat down, so close to the water's edge that the waves licked her toes. Jacob sat down beside her, and this was where they had their conversation. Jacob started off, in a voice that barely disguised anger. At least, if it _wasn't _anger, it was a very close relative.

"Seth seemed a bit upset at the party, don't you think?"

A grimace. "You caught that."

"I was paying pretty close attention, actually."

"And what did you discover?"

"He's pushing his luck."

Renesmee sighed. "You can't just kill him. Seth has become almost like family to me. He was there for me when you were gone."

Jacob's face started to contort in pain, but Renesmee put one hand up on his broad chest and said "woah, wait, wait. Don't you dare blame yourself, because_ I _don't. You had rules to follow, and they ended up helping someone who was really sick. Seth is just a bit of the aftermath in this situation. And since he's close to me like he is, we have to deal with him _right_. That's all."

Jacob's face didn't change as he whispered in an agonized voice. 'I'm so sorry. I've hurt you so bad, and I'm scared you'll never really trust me again because of it."

She growled. "Jacob, I trusted you _completely_ again the moment I realized that I was in love with you."

"You know that sounds too good to be true."

"I'm resilient like that."

Jacob stared at her for a moment with his lips pursed. And she stared right back. Suddenly, she had another question.

"Does Seth _really _think that you're too old for me? If he does, then why did he go along with the ploy?"

The ploy Renesmee was talking about was their scholastic one. When she was born, most of the La Push pack had been in their senior year of school. But the Cullen family hadn't wanted Renesmee to be alone in highschool, and they themselves were officially too "old" to go back with her. So Renesmee had been homeschooled, in the technical term, being taught everything she needed to know by Carlisle and her father; that was, until she was _technically _old enough to be a senior in highschool. A few days after her birth, all the wolves in La Push had dropped out of school, saying that they had voyages and work contracts to uphold. And then Renesmee had been introduced into the school system that September, telling people that she was Edward's niece, in coordination with the lie her father had originally tried to fool Charlie with aftre her birth. Everyone bought it without a hitch, and that same year, all of the wolves magically came back to re-do their senior year and get their diplomas. It was a brilliant plan, the brainchild of Jasper and Carlisle, with Alice's confirmation that it would work as back-up.

And if Seth didn't approve of her and Jacob's imprint, it made no sense whatsoever that he would follow it through.

Jacob stopped pursing his lips at her and rolled his eyes instead, snorting as he did so. When he spoke, his voice was irritated and sarcastic. "Because he didn't feel this way about you, at first. Sure, he disapproved. And he didn't understand. But pack loyalty is a very strong thing, and he didn't want to be seen as the dick that ruined your cover and exposed us all." He smiled. "Plus, I _did_ throw in a few choice threats to his limbs, car, and...er, _manhood_, you could say."

Renesmee's mouth hung open for a moment before she managed to compose herself and gasp out a response. "Wonderful."

After that, their conversation was on a much lighter note, and Renesmee again found herself in the happy mood she had been in before the confusion of the morning that Iliana had brought on. They spent hours there on the beach, just holding hands and talking. Everytime Jacob smiled at her, she could feel that strange thrumming tingle that had shot through her veins when she touched him after realizing she loved him, and her bones felt soft and spongy. By the time Jacob looked away from her to look at the watch he had worn, the sky was tinged pink in the west. "Ness, it's 5:50." He eyed her doubtfully. "Aren't you hungry? I should take you hunting." Another pause, and he tilted his head in thought. "Or would you rather have real food?"

Renesmee smiled, and sprung lightly to her feet without any assistance. "No, Jake, don't be silly. Hunting sounds great." Her eyes shone. It had been too long since she actually hunted an animal down for a meal, and now that she paid any attention to it, she could feel the predator energy rushing through her veins, limbering her arms and legs and making her heart pump like the pulse of a hummingbird's wings.

They drove the Ferrari to the forest's edge-it was easier than going back to get it from the beach later. The smell of the La Push forest was lush as well as sea-salty, fresh and green and alive, and it tickled Renesmee's nose. As she looked around the beloved forest that she knew so well, memories from all ages came rushing back to her from when Jacob would take her hunting through these woods. They would always have races through the forest to see who was faster; when she was younger, Jacob would almost always let her win. Now it was an even match. And there were times when Renesmee would be given a minute to run into the woods and hide, and then Jacob would come after her and find her, using her sweet peach shampoo and pure white lily scent to determine her location. This was a game that they still played, when they were here for leisure. But they weren't here for leisure at the moment-they were here to hunt. While she was reminiscing, Jacob had gone around the cover of a tree, and transformed into the huge russet wolf she loved so much, and was now standing beside her again with his huge tongue lolling out in an expectant grin. A huge smile of anticipation arced onto her lips, and her voice was excited and purposeful when she spoke. "Let's go, Jake."

And then they were off, so fast it was as if they were never there in the first place.

Renesmee was looking for something a bit more challenging than the local elk in the Forks forest, and here was a very good place to go. The coastal forest was where all of the brown and black bears liked to live, and it wasn't long before she caught the sweet scent she was looking for. Thick and rich and deep deep red, it sustained her senses for one ecstatic moment on mere presence alone. And then she was changing her course due West, and Jacob was laughing as he followed along beside her.

They found the bear bumbling along down an old crest of ferns; probably looking for berries. Renesmee took it down with deadly grace and precision, attacking it's back legs so it couldn't escape. And then she found the main artery and ripped it upward, ending the bears life quickly. After she had done the humane and responsible thing, she drank. She was small, and so she didn't need very much. She hoisted herself up from her position of straddling the bear, and took a step back for Jacob to have a turn.

After he was finished, they ran at a much more normal pace back to the spot where they had parked the Ferrari and left Jacob's clothes, and Renesmee hopped into the passenger seat while Jacob was changing. She looked at the small green numbers on the clock set in the sleek dashboard-7:20 PM. As Jacob slid into the driver's seat and looked over at him, he met her eyes with his and then asked seriously "are you tired yet? You didn't sleep very well at all last night."

She nodded as a heavy wave of fatigue went crashing down on her, and he smiled tenderly as he leaned over and did up her seatbelt for her. He kissed her temple as he leaned back out, and then did his own seatbelt with a huge smile.

Emotion swelled inside of Renesmee, fresh and strong, and she grabbed the free hand that Jacob wasn't using on the steering wheel. She held his huge, burning hand in hers all the way home, using the sensation of his fingers squeezing hers to stay awake. She managed to stay awake when it was time for her to walk, too. She made it all the way into the living room, where Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Bella were sitting and talking. They turned to stare at her as she staggered in, and she was grateful that she didn't have to speak-Jacob did it for her.

"Nessie is really tired, so I think I'm going to take her up to bed now. We'll see you all in the morning." Renesmee was tempted to laugh when she saw her mother's well disguised grimace come out for a fraction of a second at the thought of her child sleeping with a boy, and then disappear again when Jacob looked at her. Her words were smooth and gave nothing away when she spoke.

"Alright then. Goodnight Nessie, Jake. Sleep well."

Nessie felt cold as she opened the door to her room, as if the frost of the February air from their hunting trip had effected her only now, in the warmth of the house. Jacob moved quickly, grabbing a pair of little red cotton shorts and a brown tank top, and he simply turned around and stared at the wall while Renesmee changed gratefully into them. She curled up in bed and pulled all of the covers over herself, a shiver escaping from her hold. Jacob jumped in after her, not asking permission this time, and wrapped his arms around her body to keep her warm, resting his hands on her hip and stomach. He rested his head on her cheek, and Renesmee sighed with relief as his warmth immediately took effect. They layed there like that in silence for a moment, simply listening to eachother's breathing. Then Jacob spoke.

"Feeling better now?"

"A lot better...Thank you."

"Don't thank me, I enjoy it. Did you have fun today?"

From where he couldn't see her face, she smiled. "I always have fun when I'm with you, Jake. Yes, I had an amazing time. And thank you for trusting me with the bears. I know you don't like watching that kind of thing."

It was true. Only recently, Jacob had started trusting Renesmee to wrestle with animals more challenging than carribou. It went against his instincts to let her be in a dangerous situation, even if the danger was only present for a human, and not her.

After a moment of silence, Jacob responded. "It was a bit hard, I'll admit it. But I'm glad you had fun. I _do _trust you, as long as I'm there." She felt him smile.

Renesmee closed her eyes against another wave of tingles as she whispered to him in the duskiness of the sunset leaving the room.

"I love you, Jacob."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Try to sleep for me, okay?" And she did.

~/~

It was very early when Renesmee next opened her eyes. It was dark in the room, and from the window she could only see the very slightest beginnings of a pink and purple sunrise in the east. Probably about 4:30 AM. She could sense another presence in the room with her, someone that wasn't Jacob. Her eyes widened, and she went to move her arm in search of her love. Just as she moved to reach for him, she felt a huge warm hand clmap down on her forearm, and then Jacob's voice filled her ears before she could panic.

"Don't worry Nessie. I'm here, and everything is fine, as far as I know. We just have another _visitor_." His voice was irritated. Renesmee sat herself up and then immediately pressed herself to his chest, to reassure both herself _and _him, and looked around, searching for whoever Jacob was talking about.

_This_ time, it was Quil that had come barging into her room and interrupted her and Jacob's sleep. Like Embry had, he looked very sheepish, and like Embry, his eyes were wide when he took in her and Jacob's position. But unlike Embry, Quil looked like he had something bugging him, pressing on his mind. Something that, if it concerned her and her Jacob, would mean only bad news. The flash of intuition nearly took her breath away.

But intuition could never have prepared her for what was coming next.

Jacob's voice had gone from irritated to angry, and his tone was dark and threatening when he spoke. "I swear to _God_, Quil, the world had damn-well better be _ending_, or you're going to look _really _funny walking around without a _tail_ when I'm done with you-"

Quil's voice was urgent when he cut into Jacob's threat, and his words were rushed, nearly running into eachother in their speed.

"Look Jake, something bad happened yesterday morning, at the party. _Really _bad. We didn't realize it until after you were gone with Ness, but it _happened_ when you were there. We don't know how it happened-it doesn't make any sense, as far as we know. This has never happened before, because it's _supposed _to be immediate-instant, Quil Sr. said. But hers was _delayed_, somehow. We're guessing it was because she went through so much change overcoming her illness-"

This time it was _Jacob _who interupted, his words coming out as an explosion.

"Quil, what the _hell _are you talking about?"

Quil took a deep breath, and then ran both huge hands through his hair, squeezing the back of his neck in frustration. After one agonizing moment, he managed to get the words out.

"You, Renesmee, and the rest of us in the pack now have a _giant_ problem concerning Iliana."

This was not at all the direction Jacob was expecting the discussion to take, and his confusion was plain as his nose wrinkled up and he asked "what's wrong with her?"

"She imprinted on you."

~/~

_~**Flashback Of The Rest Of The Conversation**~_

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? There's no POSSIBLE way she could have!" Jacobs voice was completely disbelieving- the exact way she felt inside._

_Quil's voice was panicked, and Renesmee felt incredibly sorry for him. "We have no clue how it happened, all we know is that it DID. She didn't know what was happening to her, but she tried her best to hide it from us. It was Leah who saw what had happened, and she told Quil Sr. as soon as we knew. We broke the party up and took Iliana to my house, where Quil Sr. could explain what was happening to her, and try and figure out HOW it had happened in the first place." He took a deep breath, and when Renesmee looked up at Jacob, she noticed that he had started to Quil wasn't finished._

_"He asked her a ton of questions, and she ascertained our suspicions-she imprinted on you, man. We don't know how it was possible-she spent months with you becoming a shifter, seeing you all day long everyday, and it never happened. But something about this morning set her off, like a trigger or a chain reaction." He took a deep breath. _

_It was Renesmee's turn to talk._

_"And what did you do with her once you figured out what it was?" _

_Quil's hands balled into fists. "We explained to her that Jacob belonged with you, Ness. We told her that she could never be with him, because he was in love with you, and he would never take her. We explained all the rules, and we tried our best to explain in words how tightly you's two are bound. But she wouldn't listen. She got really upset-I mean PISSED. She told Quil Sr. where to go with his rules and regulations, and EXACTLY where to put them." He winced. "And then she went running off into the woods. She must have phased somewhere along, because we had Leah phase to try and find her. Since the Alpha of our pack transformed her, we have SOME connection to her mind and what she's thinking."_

_Renesmee was speaking through gritted teeth when she asked her next and last question._

_"And do you have any idea where she's going?"_

_Quil's face was grim. "That much, we DO have. She's going up to the northern peak of the forest, where the oldest, biggest trees are. We're pretty sure that she's going to the White Raven Clearing."_

_Jacob took one look at Renesmee's face, and asked the question that he knew she wanted answered. "How do we get to White Raven, Quil?"_

_His face was doubtful, as if he wasn't sure he should be telling them, but he gave Jacob the directions anyway, knowing that Renesmee was hanging on every word._

_"Take the trail up behind Paul's house, and go due west for about ten minutes. Then switch to the northern path. If you can hear the LittleRock rapids, then you're in the right place. Jump the river, and you should be able to follow her scent in from there."_

_He stopped talking and then eyed Renesmee carefully, frowning in worry as he did so. "Renesmee, I really hope you're not thinking about finding her there. It would be a really bad idea. She could hurt you, if you're not careful." Jacob's trembling got worse at his words, and he growled._

_Renesmee was already off the bed, and opening one of the drawers to her dressing table. She reached in both hands, and then took them back out holding her foot-long hunting knives. They glinted wickedly in the semi-darkness, and Renesmee's voice was as dark as the dawn when she answered him._

_"Not every idea is a good one, Quil. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it anyway."_

_~**End Flashback**~_

_**Short Chapter, I know. But that's because the next one is gonna be insanely long. I realized today that my story needs some more filling out, so I'll be doing my best to take care of that.**_

_**Thanks for reading.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_


	24. Push My Buttons

_**Has anyone ever heard the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" Yeah, they should have changed it to "Hell hath no fury like a teenage half-breed vampire girl when someone is trying to steal her boyfriend."**_

_**Enough said.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_

Renesmee was running through the La Push forest with a smile on her face. Her feet were bare, and she could feel the frost of the ground pricking the soles of her feet. The cold wind whipped against her skin, because she was still in her little red shorts and tank top, but she didn't care. She had only stopped long enough to sling on a black leather knife belt over her hips, and then she had started moving. That was where her knives were now, glinting wickedly sharp from the reflection of their hilts. The dawn still hadn't risen above the tree-line, so it was a dusky purple along the pathless course she was taking. Jacob was running a little bit behind her as a human still, and he wasn't happy. He had tried to talk her out of coming here, but Renesmee had known in her heart that that wasn't an option as soon as she heard what Quil had to say. She had left the Ferrari at the house, mainly for two reasons. The first being because she didn't think even Emmett's Jeep could handle this nasty bush. And the second being because she was so incredibly angry and worked up, she felt that if she didn't burn off some of this crazy steam, she would explode.

She had been stumbling blindly through her entire life, looking for something that was right in front of her all along, holding her hand. Somehow, comparing how much shorter her life had been to other girls her age so far didn't at all help. Ever since she had found her soul mate, all of her emotions had been rising up in a giant wave, and it was more than her heart or body previously would have been able to handle. Discovering her love for Jacob had twisted her, changed her, turned her into something else. Something better, faster, older. For one of the first times in her life, she actually _liked_ who she was. She had discovered _who _she really was. And now someone was actually stupid enough to try and take that away from her.

If she was going to be brutally honest with herself-which she _had _to be, anyway-she would have to admit that she didn't like Iliana. Hell, she thought the girl was a bitch. Because she had caused her and Jacob to fight, and then for Jacob to leave her. It wasn't that Iliana had ever really _done_ anything to Renesmee before now; she hadn't. She was just in all the wrong places, at all the wrong times. Renesmee knew that it was wrong to hate her for that, and at the same time she didn't care. Jacob was _hers_, and she was going to hate the _fuck _out of _anyone_ that posed a threat to that claim.

Iliana imprinting on Jacob defenitely counted as a threat.

Jacob had been opposed to that idea; he had tried to get her to stay at the house. His words were ringing in her ears now, strong and loud.

_"Nessie, you don't have to go find Iliana-it isn't worth it. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."_

And she had argued right back.

_"She's over-stepping the line this time, Jacob. There are just some things I CAN'T put up with. And this is one of them."_

_"Nessie, please. You already know that I don't even SEE anyone else, for Christ's sake. Please just calm down, and we can deal with this soon, I promise."_

She had growled, and it had sounded absolutely feral. _"No Jacob. This is something that I need to to deal with NOW. And maybe not in the way you had planned."_

When Jacob next spoke, it was with ringing authority, and it smacked her like a shockwave, trying it's best to bring her down. To obey. And he used her full name.

_"Renesmee. Listen to me. If you find Iliana right now, she might attack you-hurt you. And that is the one thing I absolutley can NOT let happen. You. Stay. Here."_

Jacob _never_ used the Alpha Voice on her, and the force of the double timber almost pushed her onto her knees. She had to use all of her strength just to avoid falling towards the carpet. The will, the urge to obey him was something that she could barely control, it was so strong-no wonder he never liked to use it on the other wolves. This was hard core.

But Renesmee was harder. Something inside her had been awakened by Iliana imprinting on Jacob-something loud and angry and vicious, with fangs and claws. Something like an animal. And that animal was making an appearance now, to protect her claim. Her...her...she couldn't find the right word. Her _belonging._ Her sense of being one whole person. And that was Jacob. There was nothing strong enough to make her give that up, and she was going to show him, even if he wanted to play the heavy. Because _two _could play at _that _game.

Planting her feet shoulder width apart, she braced herself against the Alpha command, tensing her shoulders and balling her fists, looking him straight in the eye. His eyes were dark, and mainly remorseful. He didn't want to use his authority over her, she could tell. But that was only the human part. The animal part of her other half was angry, indignant that he wasn't being obeyed. Somewhere in the depths of those eyes, she saw a spark of dominance. And more than a spark of love. Taking presidence even over his animalistic pride was his pride for _her_.

In the end, that was what gave her the strength to open her mouth. As she did so, she felt her body breaking free of the Alpha's hold.

_"I'm sorry, Jake."_

And then she turned around and jumped out of her window, watching the ground as it rushed up to meet her. She landed on the balls of her feet, and then she was on the run. He had followed her, of course, cursing as he jumped out the window.

And now they were here.

They were about to switch their course north, and they were quickly approaching the river; she could pick up on it's crisp clean smell. As she continued to run, more and more thoughts seemed to rush into her head.

Even though she was stronger, faster, smarter, and harder to kill than any other girl her age on earth, she was _still_ half human, and that meant that all of the human thoughts and feelings were still there. She still responded the same way when people pushed certain buttons.

And in the girl-world, regardless of wether you were fully human or not, bitches didn't try to close in on your boyfriend unless they didn't like their limbs _attached_ to their bodies. It was as simple as that. Jacob was _more _than her boyfriend-the word didn't do him justice. And now that Iliana wanted a piece, Renesmee was indulging in the free right to rip her kneecaps off.

It wasn't like she wasn't _aware_ of the suddeness of her and Jacob's relationship-two nights ago, she hadn't been conciously aware of it at all. But Renesmee had lived her entire life in the fast track-it was what she was good at. And she was no idiot-not even close. The second she realized her love for Jacob, she had also realized that it had been there her entire life. More than anything, more than her own life; she loved Jacob Black. And she trusted him, too. If Jacob said that he loved her the way she loved him, then that was good enough for enough for now. He had come back to her, even when she thought for sure he was gone. So she believed in him, past a shadow of a doubt. He said he was hers. So that _made_ him hers. And she wasn't about to share.

And finally, there was the mystery of the whole situation. She partially just wanted to see Iliana, too look into those emerald eyes and see if any of this was true. It seemed like such a long shot-too long for her to just swallow it. Sam had taught her about imprinting, when she was little. And she had been paying attention. She knew all the rules, and as far as she knew, imprinting was something that happened the very first time you saw your imprint. It didn't take _months_. Could it be possible that this girl was so different, so far from the norm, that none of the normal rules applied? And if she was like this, then why weren't there any others that they knew of? She knew that Iliana's parents knew what their daughter was, but neither of them were shifters themselves. And a shifter couldn't turn _into _a shifter unless they had the gene, the chromosomes that changed the rest of their body. Iliana didn't belong to the La Push pack, even though their Alpha had changed her over. Quil had said in the bedroom ten minutes ago that they could only somewhat hear and see into her mind-and besides Jacob, she had never heard of a shifter without a pack. _So where the hell was Iliana's pack?_

They had arrived at the river, about twenty feet across and full of clear, rushing water, and Renesmee was already set to jump. But Jacob must have pushed himself to get there, because a hot human hand clamped around her wrist just as she was about to make the leap, pulling her back. She stopped where she was and turned to see Jacob behind her, not even breathing heavily, towering over her with a scary look in his eyes.

Not scary in the sense that Renesmee found him frightening-rather, _he _was the one that looked frightened. As much as he was obviously trying to hide the emotion, it was plain to see in his eyes. He was scared.

The awful pressure was still raging inside her chest, accompanied by all of the anger, but tending to Jacob and his needs was simply more important. She turned around into him, pressing the one small hand that she had free into his chest and craning her neck all the way up so she could look at him. When she spoke, her voice was softer than she thought she could manage to make it.

"What's wrong, Jacob?"

His forehead crumpled as soon as he heard her speak, and he took _his _free hand and pulled her closer against him by the waist, trapping her there. As if she was going to move. His bottom lip pushed out a little and his scared eyes turned pleading as he opened his mouth.

"Please, let's not do this, Nessie. The guys back home don't know what knd of mood Iliana is in, except for that she's pissed. And she's a shifter now-she's dangerous to you. She could hurt you, or even-" He seemed to choke oh the words, and then he couldn't say them. He just clamped his mouth shut and kept staring at her with those pleading brown eyes. But she understood.

"She could kill me." She said it calmly and simply, as if she were discussing the weather, and all she got in return was silence. Jacob was wincing horribly-even the thought of her being gone caused him pain.

She reached all the way up to slowly stroke his upper jaw, soothing him the way she had done thousands of times before, under much different circumstances. She had never done it before like this. Not when she was pressed against his body, breathing in his scent, looking at those eyes...her head started to spin.

But now wasn't the time; Jacob needed her emotionally right now, and she was going to be there. Pulling away just enough so she could look him full in the face, she spoke.

"Jake, I'm not running into that clearing half cocked with my guns blazing. I want to talk to Iliana, to see if we can work this out." She paused in her words to brush back a strand of hair that had fallen into his face. "I can see why she chose _you_, but that doesn't mean I'm _okay _with it. At all. I need to set down the rules to this girl." Her voice turned very serious, and slightly grim. "And if she doesn't want to listen...well, _then_ things might get interesting."

Jacob snorted, but she could hear the worry underneath. "Nessie, I can't stand there like a useless moron and let you fight her if she tries to hurt you. It would kill me. I'm _alive _to make sure _you're _alive. It would-"

She cut him off by putting a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. Her eyes were fierce as she looked up into his.

"Jacob, this is a thing between two girls, and you can't interfere." Her eyes were wide and convincing when he opened his mouth to protest. "I mean it, Jake. I'm going to be fine."

His voice was pained and rough as he said "but what if you're _not_?" She smiled.

"Jacob, you said that you trusted me to fight as long as you were with me. Your'e _going_ to be with me, wether it comes to a fight or not. Trust me."

That sealed the deal. He gave her a weary kind of smile, and said "I do trust you. With my life. And as long as I'm there, I _guess _I can trust you with yours, too." Then he bent down and kissed her hard, sucking her bottom lip and making the forest spin in circles in front of her.

After a minute they broke apart for air, Renesmee sighing as she did so. But she wasn't too disappointed; she knew hat it had been much more difficult for him to break away than he let on to. "If you want to do this, we should go," he said gently, gesturing towards the river.

He was right. Taking two steps back, she rushed up and flung herself over the river bed, sailing over the rushing water. She was completely airborn for one second, and then she was standing on the other side of the river, listening to the barely audible thump of feet hitting the forest floor as Jacob landed beside her. He took her hand again once they were ready to go, and looked down at her worriedly.

"I'm such an idiot. I never should have let you leave with those clothes on. Aren't you cold?" Renesmee had to swiftly kill a smile when she noticed Jacob's eyes raking over her body, lingering in...certain places. She made her voice calm and ordinary before she answered.

"It's nothing I can't handle. I _do _run with wolves, afterall." This time, she couldn't hide the smile.

He sighed in exasperation, but she wasn't fooled-he was smiling too. "Of course you do."

They were now only about two minutes away from their destination-somewhere she had never been before. All she knew was that WhiteRaven Clearing was where Iliana was, so that was where _she_ needed to be. Experimentally, she stretched her senses out, seeing if she could find the scent that Quil had told them about yet. Sure enough, after a moment's concentration she was able to catch a trail of something sweet, like burnt sugar and sunflowers-defenitely Iliana. She looked over at Jacob, who was keeping pace with her now, and he simply nodded. He had the scent too, probably even before she did. Just like Quil had instructed them to, they followed the scent into the last stretch before the clearing. As they ran, Renesmee could feel her all-encompassing emotion for Jacob settling itself into a more appropriate place in her _insanely _huge heart. It was still the size of five oceans, and all of the pain it had held was comletely gone now, but it was far from spacious. The moment the pain disappeared, most of the room in that heart of hers had been re-filled with love for her Jacob. And it had just been progressively getting fuller and fuller ever since. She wouldn't be surprised if it had more growing to do in the future. All of that love was now allowing itself to settle down, to be pushed onto a more suitable back burner, and Renesmee's mind turned back to it's distinctly female anger that allowed her to drive herself with such overwhealming determination. Her mind was made up, and ready to use-sharp as a knife, strong as a fist, and impentrable as a fortress. Her feelings were settled just right inside herself; it was exactly the right moment to do this. Just as she had this thought, her and Jacob burst into WhiteRaven Clearing, and then they had no more time to think. The moment was now. The show was beginning.

And the stage shocked her so badly that she almost froze completely, all of her muscles locking up and forcing her to come to a halt. Her eyes grew huge in disbelief at the exact same moment that a wave of vertigo hit her so fiercely, she almost fell on her face. Deja vu was doing it's best to fry all the circuits in her brain, and she had to try her very best just so that her mouth wouldn't gape open in shock.

Because this place wasn't unfamiliar to her-she had been here before, a month ago.

In a dream.

It was the exact same clearing from her dream about Jacob, the one that she hadn't been sure was a dream. The one where they had stood under the moon in those strange beautiful clothes and Jacob had touched her and everything had changed. It was the wrong season for the flowers-they wouldn't be there until the early summer. The grass was brown and frost-tipped under her bare feet, but it was still the same soft, wispy plain from her dream. The space was a perfect circle, just as she remembered it. And then there were the trees. The forty foot tall smoky evergreens, swaying in the wind, reaching for the dusky sky above her head, and a single, pure white star was left in the rest of the setting may have changed, but those trees had not, and the beauty took her breath away.

"Jacob." Her voice came out as a whisper, and he turned to her immediatley, afraid that there was something wrong with her. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"I've been here before," she said, and this time, her voice was excited. "A month ago, in a dream. A dream about...you."

Jacob's eyes lit up, and he opened his mouth to speak. But at that exact moment, there was a rustling noise from across the clearing.

Both of their head's snapped up to the exact location of the sound. The trees on the other side of the clearing rustled for another moment, and then Iliana stepped out of the trees.

Renesmee's eyes surveyed her's carefully, looking for the signs that would tell her if any of this was true. She had a moment to do this un-noticed, because Iliana's eyes had flown straight to Jacob. The girl was wearing the clothes she had been in yesterday morning at the party, and her long silver-blonde hair was waving around her unbrushed and ruffled. Her eyes were glimmering with a kaleidoscope of emotions, and her face was no longer quite so sweet and innocent, thrown over with a shadow that hadn't been there before. The normally sweet little ice princess looked like an avenging angel. In the next moment, her emerald eyes turned onto Renesmee's fox ones, and they darkened, became sad, upset...and _really creepy. _There was something off about her stare. But Renesmee hadn't come this far to be chicken shit, and the animal inside her was roaring at the mere sight of Iliana. So she gently released Jacob's hand, and took the first step forward. He followed her, of course. Keeping her eyes levelly on Iliana's, Renesmee spoke.

"Hey." _Wow, Renesmee, way to be a smooth operator. _She didn't know what else to say, so she just waiting, trying not to fidget while the monster clawed inside her ribcage.

Iliana's _voice _was just a little bit off, too. "Hey." Her eyes immediately flitted to Jacob. Poor Jacob looked completely stuck, holding her gaze guiltily, but his jaw was shifting like he wanted to look away.

Renesmee let out a sigh, and spoke again. "Iliana, we heard what happened from Quil this morning." You could hardly call it morning; the trees were so tall that they blocked out even the faint puple pink streaks of the dawn.

She had obviously expected as much; she stood straight and proud with her shoulders held back as she replied. "I guess this comes as a major inconvenience for you, huh?" She lifted her chin the slightest bit in defiance, and shook out her tousled blonde hair.

Another sigh, and she had to look at Jacob for a moment-he looked like he wanted to say something. When she continued, her voice was tired. 'I'm not inconvenienced. I'm here to tell you what has to happen next."

"Really? What's going to happen next?" Her sweet, child's voice was slightly mocking, obviously not serious. Renesmee ignored it.

"I know how strong an imprint is, Iliana. And I know that it would be too much to ask of you if I just said 'stay away'. So I'm not going to." Jacob looked surprised. She pushed ahead. "But I _do _know that one of the conditions of imprinting on someone is that there are different _ways _you can love them, if that's what the person wants. You're going to have to do that."

Iliana's eyes narrowed; Mrs. Pissed was coming back to visit. "That's what _you _want," she said coolly.

'It's what _I _want, to." Jacob's voice was low but firm; he didn't want to hurt an innocent girl's feelings, but she had to know that he was serious. It was plain on his face.

Iliana didn't looked pained for even a second-she turned back to face Renesmee full on before shocking both her _and _Jacob with her words.

"I only want Jake in _one _way."

Renesmee opened her mouth to speak, but Iliana wasn't done, and she cut her off quickly.

With a superior little smile, she said "I'm not like the rest of you shifters in La Push. I'm different. And when _my _kind imprint, we're only looking for one thing. A partner." Her voice had turned blunt.

"I'm sorry." Renesmee's voice was soft.

Iliana's voice was desolate, for a minute. "I love Jacob in a way I could never pass off as friendship. Quil Ateara's grandfather tried telling me that I could never be with him, though. He told me that Jacob loved _you_, so he would never want _me_."

"That's why we're here," Jacob said in the same tone as before. "I have no problem with you, Iliana. But I can't look at you like that. I belong with Nessie."

Iliana's face twisted this time, and Renesmee took another two steps forward. Iliana took one too, this time.

"But you don't know that," she begged, her hands moving like they wanted to clasp together. Somewhere in the midst of the angry monster, Renesmee felt pity. She knew how heart-breaking this must be for the poor girl.

"I could make you _much _happier than that little _half-breed_ ever could."

Okay. The fuzzy feelings were gone.

She could almost feel Jacob's tense as he bit back the first growl. When he spoke, his voice was tight. "I don't think so."

Both of the girls took another step forward at the same time. Renesmee gave Jacob a silent look which he understood immediately, and he didn't follow.

Renesmee spoke. "Iliana, please understand that it's not like we enjoy doing this. If we had any idea that this was going to happen, we would have-" she bit her lip, and faltered.

"You would have what? Made it easier? I don't see how." Iliana's voice was no longer sweet. Renesmee looked up to the trees, and saw that the sun had climbed a considerable distance up their silhouettes. The dawn still hadn't broken.

'We would have left," Renesmee said quietly. And it was true enough- she would give pretty much anything to not be here right now. Jacob was silent behind her, but she didn't have to turn around and look at his face to know that there was agreement on it.

Iliana's breath hitched, and she took another step forward, and so did Renesmee; the part of her that wasn't a raging animal at the moment wanted to reach out to her.

When Iliana spoke, her voice was pleasant again.

"I don't think I could have let you do that."

Renesmee was honestly confused. "Why not? Then you wouldn't have this problem."

Iliana took another step forward, and smiled.

"Because I _want _this problem."

_This does not sound good._

Iliana was speaking again before Renesmee could ask her what she meant. She got her question answered anyway.

"Renesmee-or is it Nessie? Whatever. The point is, Quil Sr. said that Jacob could never love me because he has you."

She smiled wider, and the smile was crazy. Renesmee's eyes narrowed; she refused to be intimidated by this girl.

"Because he _has _you."

She took another step towards Renesmee, and as she did, the sun rose a little more. Jacob let a not-quiet growl escape his lungs, and he moved to walk to where Renesmee had strayed several feet away. Renesmee held out a hand to stop him.

She turned back around to face Iliana, and her face was smooth when she spoke. "Keep talking. I was enjoying the speech."

Her eyes glimmered, a darker green than usual. "Whatever you say. I don't know if you're just having a slow morning or something, but I thought that what I was saying was pretty clear." Another step forward, and this time Renesmee took one of her own. "If I get rid of you right here, right now-if I squash you like a bug, then Jacob will _have _nothing to be tied to. Nothing to keep him unavailable. He would be floating free. And then _I _could be the one to keep him anchored here."

Anger boiled up in Renesmee so strong that she almost screamed. Anger and possession. She wanted to show this bitch who the fuck she was messing with, in a way that she would remember due to scars. For a minute, everything was hazed over with red. But she knew that now wasn't the time to explode. The jealousy she was feeling right no was just the human in hertalking, she was sure of it. She knew that she wasn't in any danger of losing Jacob. She was on the winning side of this battle. The _won_ side. She answered slowly, while shaking her head.

"I don't think it works like that."

"I'd have to agree with you, Ness."

Jacob was strangely pale under his russet skin, and his entire body was shaking in anger. His voice was as dark as a black storm cloud, and close to as dangerous as Renesmee had ever heard it.

Renesmee couldn't calm herself down enough to plead with him-she was too angry to do that. Instead she said "Jake, please don't be so angry. She can't hurt me, remember?" Jake nodded, and then gave his head a shake, trying to calm himself down. Gradually, his trembling stopped and his eyes stopped looking so deadly. He took a deep breath, and let it woosh out. And he was so gorgeous. Under any other circumstances, she defenitely would've smiled.

She turned her attention back to Iliana, who wasn't anywhere close to smiling. She was snarling. The sun slipped up closer to the peak of the trees, and Renesmee tried reason.

"Look, Iliana. Me and Jake belong together. We're soulmates."

"That's a load of bullshit."

By some miracle, Renesmee managed to ignore that comment, and continue as if she hadn't heard her. "Even if you _did _kill me, what makes you think that Jacob would take you after you did? If anything, he'd want to rip you're damned head off." She took a deep breath. The sun moved some more up the trees, and pink, purple, red and orange streaked the sky. They each took two steps forward, and now they were standing maybe ten feet apart.

"I'm sorry that this didn't work out for you the way you want. But it's the way it is."

"Not really, considering that Jacob is _mine_." She spat the words at Renesmee, and then smiled sweetly behind her at Jacob. "He just doesn't see it yet because you're standing in my way."

_Christ, she just went too far. _Renesmee pushed herself harder than she ever had before in order to not rip Iliana's throat out. When she spoke, it was through her teeth. "I don't think so. You're gonna have to rip you're way _through _me first."

She looked behind her at Jacob, and used all of the facial que talent she possessed in order to give Jacob a silent message. _It's time to trust me, okay?_

For one second, he looked terrified. But then he nodded, and sent her a message of his own.

_I love you, Nessie. Be careful. And I'm here._

_I love you too. Now watch._

She turned around to face Iliana, and she was speaking again.

"You know Nessie, I never liked you anyway. It's going to be really fun, killing you." She smiled, the sickest smile. A smile only a snotty _girl _could manage. "And then when you're dead, I'm going to have fun going to you're house, and looking better than you in all of you're jewellery."

"I never liked you either, you bitch."

In the next second, the sun came up over the trees, throwing golden light over everything as the dawn finally came. The trees turned a bright jade green, the grass sparkled as the sun hit the frost covering every blade. Iliana's hair turned into white gold, and Renesmee's turned into fiery autumn. Everything went silent, except for three beating hearts.

And both Iliana and Renesmee lunged.

The monster in Renesmee's chest was allowed to uncoil at last as it took over Renesmee's body, a creature made up entirely of her predator intincts. Predator instinct, and killer combat skills.

At first, they were fighting as two humans. They clashed in the middle of their lunge, grabbing onto eachother and wrestling eachother until they hit the ground. After that, they flew apart, only to swoop in for another attack. They locked hands, gripping eachother in a white-knuckler that would crush human bones. Their hair hung in front of their faces, swishing around as they tried to throw eachother to the ground. It was obvious that Renesmee had the upper hand when Iliana was a human-the blonde could see that she was losing. So she let out a wild snarl, and exploded. Jacob bellowed Renesmee's name, but there was no need for worry; she had gotten out of the way with a second to spare. In fact, so much time to spare that she had already leapt into another lung, high up this time, so she could get a blow in at the giant wolf's neck.

So she was pretty surprised when she didn't ever hit a wolf, but went flying over a silvery white snow leopard about four feet below.

Surprised, but not unable to make compensations. She landly on the ground lithely, without a sound, and then went into another lung so fast that human eyes wouldn't have caught it.

She felt more than a hundred percent vampire as she closed in on Iliana and flew a couple inches over her head, landing a brutal kick to her flank as she did so. She landed on her hands and did a front flip to get away from her, avoiding a set of razor sharp claws by a couple of inches. The leopard Iliana was yowling, shaking off the injury of Remesmee's first blow. As she stood there, Renesmee put her hands to her hips, and pulled both of her hunting knives out of their sheaths, listening with satisfaction to the hissing sound they made as they slid out.

_This is where playtime gets ugly._

As she ran forward, there were only two gears of Renesmee's multi-faceted mind that were working. There was the warrior that she had allowed to take over her body, and there were the thoughts of Jacob. Jacob, who she was fighting for. Jacob, who she would rather die than give up. Jacob, who was hers. Jacob, who loved her. And the Jacob that trusted her enough with her own life to let her fight this, right here, right now.

She wasn't going to let him down.

She took a slash at Iliana so fast that the frequency of the "swish" would have hurt a normal dog's ears. She jumped back in time, just. But Renesmee was following, and she knew exactly what she was doing with those knives. Back slash, upward hack, spin, downward axle. Iliana raised a massive paw to slice right through Renesmee's face, but Renesmee was just a little bit faster. With one final swipe, she landed the first mark.

Iliana let out a wildcat screech as she flew backwards, holding her front left leg up. A long cut, about five inches, was bleeding profusely there. And Iliana was not a happy kitty. After another fraction of a second she put the leg back down-because the cut was already closing up. _Shit. I fricking forgot about that part._ Iliana sprang with blinding speed, teeth bared and claws out, hurtling towards Renesmee.

She lunged to the left, but it was the wrong direction to move in. Iliana had been planning for it, and she twisted her massive feline body in the air so that Renesmee was caught in between those claws. As they hurtled towards the ground, she could hear the sound of her shirt ripping.

She twisted herself into position in Iliana's grip, so that when they hit the ground, she had her knives up. She aimed a stab at Iliana's chest, and the cat sprang out of the way, just like she knew she would. Once she was off of her, she rolled in a backwards somersault out of her reach. Then she rolled back onto her feet and lunged, pointing one knife straight out and twirlng the other one in her fingers. Iliana caught the first blade in her teeth and yanked, ripping it from Renesmee's grasp. Perfect. Using the momentum of Iliana swinging the knife away from her, she jumped lightly around to the other end of the cat's body. Her fingers from her free hand ever so lightly brushed the fur on Iliana's back. And then she was making a broad downwards sweep with her other knife, cutting into her right rear hamstring. She hit the ground facing the opposite direction from Iliana just a wildcat scream pierced her ears, so loud you could hear it a mile out in every direction. She moved to spin around and attack again, but she was one second too late. Moving as quick as a cobra strike, Iliana twisted her massive head around and glared at her with wild green eyes for a sixtieth of a second before she sunk her three inch teeth into Renesmee's left leg.

"Son of a bitch!" She felt all the air rush out of her lungs as pain took her breath away. For half a second, her vision swam. Then she rolled away from the cat, feeling her skin rip as she did so. She leapt to her feet, and found Jacob looking at her in horror.

_Jacob Black, don't you dare._

Blood was running from her leg, and she let it. Iliana lunged towards her again, and she neatly dodged her, dancing away from her. She was waiting for something.

After a few more moments, she felt it. Her leg started to heal, to regenerate, to sew itself shut. Iliana got to see that, and she let out an infuriated snarl. Renesmee smiled.

_See that, bitch? You're not the only one that doesn't need band-aids._

She feinted to the left, and Iliana lunged. In a split second, Renesmee threw herself to the ground at her right, trying to retrieve her knife that Iliana had flung away.

That was the major mistake.

Turned out that Iliana's lunge had been a feint of her own, because as soon as Renesmee hit the ground and tried to roll, Iliana was on top of her. Her knife was a few inches out of her reach, too far away for her to use.

Iliana had her pinned down by the shoulders, and was sitting on her legs. She snapped with her teeth, but Renesmee managed to shove herself out of the way enough so that they only shredded what was left of her shirt. Next time, she knew it would be her skin. She was still stuck under the cat, and she had nowhere to go. And both of them knew it. Iliana was taking her time now, toying with Renesmee. Something like the feral cat version of a smile came onto her face, showing all of her teeth. And Renesmee thought of Jacob. As Iliana growled down at her, she saw Jacob's smile. She felt him hugging her and holding her and kissing her and taking her hand in his. She heard his laugh and the sound of his voice when he said "I love you." For the very first time in the whole battle, she realized that it might be the very last time in her whole entire life. She couldn't have that, though-it wouldn't do. She had to see him one more time-tell him she loved him one more time. Underneath the giant snow leopard, she twisted her head to the side so that she could look at her love from the ground.

The look on his face was one that she would never forget, as long as she lived.

It was pain, residing in the face of a human being. She had never seen anyone look so utterly and completely heartbroken. There was fear in his eyes, so much fear. She was surprised he didn't go insane from that alone. There was grief, enough for ten people or more. As if she were already dead. There was remorse-he was so sorry he couldn't get there in time. And there was self-hatred. I'm never, ever going to forgive myself when you're gone.

But Jacob was stronger than that. And this was his entire life laying under this leopard. His face set into a more human one. But not much. This face was so angry that it didn't look very human at all. He took the first long flying stride towards Renesmee and Iliana.

A second passed, and then many things happened again.

Renesmee closed her eyes, and behind her lids she saw Jacob's face. But not the happy one. Not even the angry one. She saw the pained one. The one he had been wearing for that single second were he felt as if he had already lost her.

That was the face she knew he was going to wear for the rest of his life if she died on this forest floor, right here, right now. And it would be her fault. She loved Jacob Black, more than anything. More than food, water, air or blood. More than the sun, the moon, or the stars. More than her family. And more than herself. She would rather die over and over again until the end of time than be the reason for that look to become his new face. She would rather suffer every horrible thing known to man than do that to him. And since _dying _was the thing that would do that to him, her only option was to _not die_.

To keep Jacob happy, all she had to do was stay alive right now. It was that simple.

_I will never leave you, Jacob._

Her eyes snapped back open, and her head whipped forward to face Iliana. Jacob was standing not a foot away from them and still on the move, but it would be too late if she waited for him. Iliana had decided she was done playing. Opening her mouth as wide as it would go, she lunged down faster than ever before-to rip out Renesmee's throat.

Moving with the speed of a real vampire, Rensmee grabbed Iliana by her huge, sinewy throat with one hand that was curled into claws, stopping her attack in it's tracks. With the strength of a real vampire, she threw the cat off of her body, releasing herself from her massive weight. With the reflexes of a real vampire, she kept her hand on that throat, allowing the momentum of Iliana's rolling body to pull her up, up, they had switched positions, with Renesmee crouched on top of Iliana's cat body. And then, with the grace and skill of a real vampire, she threw her head down, fangs bared and drawn all the way out to they're full two inches. And right then, right there, on the cold forest floor, _Renesmee _ripped _Iliana's _throat out.

_How does it feel now that you're staring down the other side of the gun?_

An entire second had now passed.

Renesmee got up from her straddling position, and Iliana didn't try to stop her. She only rolled onto her knees, didn't make an attempt to stand. She didn't want to. The vampire in her knew that this fight was over now.

Jacob had frozen over her, standing where he would have been a quarter of a second too late. Maybe an eigth. The look on his face was completely undescribable as he looked down at her.

Iliana was trying to make one last sound, one last yowl, but she couldn't without a throat. She could only glower up at Renesmee with those beautiful emerald green eyes. Those eyes never gave an inch.

Renesmee's eyes were glowing with the still fading light of the vampire inside her. Making her eyes look more like amber, or a fire that somebody threw Ulterium on. They, like the look on Jacob's face, were completely undescribable. Her hair was in a mess around her face, tousled from the fight, hanging down around her, mingling with the silvery white fur of Iliana's chest. The fur had a few drops of blood on it. There was blood on Renesmee's lips, too-not a few drops. A that moment, something occured to her, and she was shocked that it didn't occur to the whole world, it shoook her so hard.

Now _she _was the one that looked like an avenging angel.

It was looking like this that she took the other knife, the one she had had in her hand the entire time and hadn't been able to use. She straightened herself up on her knees, kneeling like she was ina church pew. She was holding the knife at her own eye level. She took a deep breath, and then looked back down into Iliana's eyes, afraid to look away from the dying girl for even a second. She held Iliana's eyes with her own-she was still glaring fiercely at Renesmee. She took another deep breath, and her stomach hurt. It was the moment to end the show.

Looking into those green eyes, there were so many things she wanted to say-some nice, and some horrible. But there was one thing she _had _to say, above all. And Iliana looked like she only had time for one thing. Pain scratched up and down Renesmee's thraot as she took one more breath. She had never killed anyone before. Never. Iliana was her first, and it was going to leave a mark forever. She had grown somehow, and it hadn't made her any happier. Just wiser. Older. And for some reason...wearier. She couldn't regret doing this, because she had done it for Jacob.

But that didn't mean that she couldn't wish that she hadn't had to do it in the first place.

Looking into those eyes, she said in the one thing she needed to say, in such a soft voice it was like a mother talking to her child.

"I'm sorry."

And then, still looking into those green eyes, she brought the knife swiftly down, and twisted once.

And then it was over. The light in those green eyes went out. Putting the knife down first, Renesmee closed her open eyes with one small hand.

And then she slumped over, back down onto her knees, staring at the ground through her hair falling in her face.

Jacob picked her up, of course. He picked her up off of the ground and pulled her close to him, rocking her back and forth. Through her quickly mounting distress, she could tell that he was trying to comfort himself as well as her.

"I came so close," he whispered, agonized. "I came slow close to losing you forever. And it was all my fault."

"But you listened to me. You trusted me. That was all I ever needed in the first place to make sure I stayed alive." She looked up at him, and she felt on the edge of hysteria. 'Smile for me."

Of course, he listened. "Now mean it."

That one was harder.

"Jacob," she said, and she had to fight a sob down her throat before she could continue. "I just tried so, _so _hard for you. Harder than I ever have before. I _killed _someone, because I love you _so _much that I would rather die than make you unhappy. And since me dying would make you unhappy, the only option I had was to stay alive. And the only way to stay alive was to Iliana. So please, please, please, _please_ dont blame yourself for not being there, when you're trust was the only thing I wanted or needed."

Hewas silent for almost a whole minute, and they just looked at eachother. And then a smile, a _real _smile broke onto his face.

"I love you, Nessie. And I promise you that I'm not going to blame myself for today anymore."

"I love you too, Jacob. Thank you so much." There was a lump growing fast in her throat now, and it was made of the tears that were becoming unavoidable. She buried her face in his chest.

Another moment of silence where he just rocked her very slowly back and forth. He must know what she was going through. She had one more question though, before she lost it.

"Jake?"

"Mmmmm?"

"She's not going to turn back into a human, is she?"

His voice was very qie, soft, and reassuring. "No, Nessie, honey. She isn't."

"Okay." It was all she could say. She felt so, so horrible inside. Like she had covered herself in a dirt she could never wash off. She had killed someone. Someone that didn't deserve to die. And even though she had done it out of love for someone else, she still felt more disgusting and horrible than she ever had in her life. On top of that, she _really _didn't think she'd be able to handle it if Iliana turned back into a naked human girl in front of them with her throat all ripped out and her beautiful hair in a mess.

That did it.

Renesmee burst into tears, a complete torrent, gushing down her cheeks and onto Jacob's chest. She sobbed, and howled, and completely wailed at what she had done, and how hideous she felt because of it. Because of the unforgivableness of this.

Alone, she knew she wouldn't have been able to deal with it. She felt so incredibly human, her vampire level hit a new rock bottom. Hard. All she wanted to do was cry.

But she wasn't alone. She had Jacob. He let her cry all over him, and let her scream as loud as she wanted. He didn't say a word, but he didn't have to. He knew exactly what he was doing, even though nothing like this had ever happened before. He simply stroked her hair with one massive hand and rocked her gently from side to side as he did so. After a few minutes, he walked her away from Iliana's leopard body, and for that she was glad. She couldn't stop crying long enough to tell him in words, so she simply showed him through touch how grateful she was.

He carried her far, far away from the clearing, all the way back to La Push beach, back to the spot with the rocky shelf on the water. It took him two hours walking, and by the time they got there, the sun was officially in it's place in the sky. The new day had started. He sat down with her still in his arms right in front of the water, and then just cradled her to his chest, pressing his face to her hair and not saying a single thing. Making sure that she was warm and that he never let her go.

And Nessie, feeling completely human, completely heartbroken, completely disgusted, but completely in love, cried herself out all day long.

_**I know, you didn't see that coming. Neither did I, if I'm gonna be honest. But I don't hate how it turned out. Give me back any opinions you have, good or bad. I'm trying to make my characters more real here, so anything and everything helps. Hope killing off Iliana didn't piss anyone off. If so, I'm super sorry. But it gets better soon, I promise.**_

_**~Angel Out~**_


	25. ATTENTION!

Attention, all readers!

Firstly, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I had some pretty faithful followers on this site, and even someone who wanted to beta for me. And I let a bunch of you down. I'm very, very sorry that I haven't written for so long. But I'm going to start again-on all of my stories: The Black Flower, Through Your Lavender Eyes, and My Golden Eyed Future. I might even start something new. I'm going to supply regular updates. I LOVE this site, and I'm going to invest in it. So if you have any faith left in me, I'd love for you to check my stories once I update, and see if you like where they're headed.

Thank-you for being the best readers ever.

.xXx. Angel .xXx.


	26. Guys, I Sort Of Killed Somebody

_**Here it is, the newest chapter of Black Flower. As my readers know, I'm going to be updating regularly from now on, because my passion for writing has reflowered. Hehe. Reflowered ^^**_

_**Enjoy the chapter, everybody.**_

_**.xXx. Angel .xXx.**_

The sun was slipping away under the churning blue waters of the sea by the time Renesmee's eyes were dry, and the sky was streaked with brilliant dashes of color; purple heather, burnt sienna, and bloody crimson red. Clouds as non-substantial as feathers combed themselves through the colors, and there wasn't a single bird in the canvas of the sky. Renesmee and Jacob sat down on the ground staring up at it, and to the small teenage girl curled up in a ball, the colors looked like streaks of war paint and blood, staining the sky. She had stopped crying only minutes ago, and she was feeling the effect of her jag; her throat felt raw and sore from sobbing and screaming, and most of her face was puffy from her continued crying. Hours ago, before Jacob had pulled her safely against his chest, she had spent several minutes violently beating the rock edge, and now her hands were sore and tender. But all of this came second to the way she felt internally.

Renesmee felt sick to her core; she had no choice but to curl into a ball, because her guilt and shame weighed so heavily on her she couldn't support herself. Images from the battle she had won flashed across her vision, and each one felt like a stab in the heart. For one of the first times in her life, she felt nauseous, and the guilt of death left heavy shadows in her eyes. In a way, she was heart-broken. She had _killed _Iliana. The girl had a family who would miss her, grieve her. A future that had been taken from her. Opportunities lost. Potential wasted. A flower crushed under an iron fist and ground into the gravel. And she was the cause of it. She felt worn and ragged, tired and dirty. Her sense of morality was laying torn to shreds around her, and trying to pull up scraps of comfort was like trying to pull the first appearing stars out of the sky and into her hand.

Apart from the waves, there was silence, and it was several long moments later that Jacob broke it.

"Honey, I have to get you home, or at least back to the rez. Your family is going to start worrying soon..." His dark eyes assessed her face worriedly before he continued. "And we have to tell the Elders what happened in the woods."

Renesmee sighed, and then winced when it hurt her throat. When she spoke, her voice was low and gravelly. "I know what we have to do, Jake."

He stared at her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." The word was harsh, and she wanted to pull it back the second she said it. She watched his eyebrows pull together with hurt, and her breath caught. Her voice quavered as she stumbled out the words to amend what she had said. "It's just..."

_I don't think I can live this way..._

As if he had heard her, he pulled her up from the ground and sat her in his lap, facing him so he could look at her. "Ness, I know exactly how you feel. We all go through it, the first time we're forced to those measures. None of us wanted to be defined as killers-" she winced delicately, and he scowled at his own remark before trying again. "What I mean is, what you're feeling is normal, and I promise you that it does get better as time goes on. You don't always feel as horrible as you do now. And I know that you don't want to hear it right now, but it makes you stronger in the end."

"It makes me stronger in the end." She repeated the words flatly, but in truth, they had given her a small bit of comfort. She would give anything not to feel the way she did right now—disgusting and unforgiveable. And Jacob, her wonderful Jacob that she trusted with her life, was telling her that there was nothing wrong with her—that this could even make her better. It lifted her spirits considerably, enough that she could stand up on her own, and take Jacobs hand. She pushed aside the feelings of guilt gnawing at the edges of her mind, and forced herself to focus on business.

Iliana was dead. The pack at LaPush as well as the Elders were going to have to know about it, and so would her family. Everything would have to be brought to light, and it was her responsibility to go with Jacob and provide the information. She pushed her bangs out of her face with the flat of her palm, and straightened out her shoulders. She let loose a huge sigh, and looked over at Jacob, who had risen to his feet and was waiting for her to speak. "Alright. Let's do this."

_On the reservation..._

"Iliana is _what_?" Billy Black's voice was an unbelieving splutter, and his face was a sickly greenish white as opposed to it's usual russet brown. The news of Iliana's death had just been broken to him, and he was still in evident shock, along with Sue Clearwater and Quil Ateara Sr. Jacob and Renesmee had run back to the reservation in the dusk of the day, and almost immediately they had run into Quil. They had given him the rundown of the fight that had gone down, and when they got to the part about Iliana's comment on 'her kind', his eyes narrowed to slits. When they told him that Renesmee had killed her, his eyes flew wide open. After several minutes of shocked cursing, he demanded to come with them on their quest to tell the Elders, and they had set off on they're way. They had gotten similar reactions from Seth, who did his best to play nice around Jacob, Paul, Leah, and Jared. When they got to Embry, he was strangely silent, but followed the rest of them to Quil Ateara Sr.'s house. They had wasted no time in telling their story to the elders, and now they were standing in front of the shocked trio together, waiting for what was going to happen next.

Billy was still spluttering. "Iliana is _dead_? Killed by _Nessie_? How? Why? I had realized...imprinted on Jacob..but I had no idea it would come to this! This doesn't make any sense...Nessie, are you hurt? We have to tell you're parents...Bella will be furious...this is..."

"Troubling." Sue Clearwater cut in crisply over Billy's astounded babbling, and looked directly at Renesmee. "This is something completely out of our element. We've never experienced something like Iliana before. What happened with the delayed imprint is a first for us, and we also don't understand how a shapeshifter could imprint on another shapeshifter. That's never happened in our pack." Her eyes were critical as she put one long-nailed hand on a slender hip. "I wonder why."

"It's probably because she isn't even from the same source as us." Embry's voice was cool, and there was something haunting about it's edge that sent chills up Renesmee's back. She turned to look at him, and when Paul spoke, his voice was frustrated. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Renesmee and Jacob are giving us facts, and the facts are, Iliana is different from us. She even said so. She referred to herself as a different 'kind' from us, and really, it's not even surprising. We're all wolves. We've never had anything different. She was a leopard. Where did that come from? Maybe we're not the only people with these abilities." Embry took a deep breath, and his voice dipped lower. "Maybe somewhere else on earth, there's another..pack."

It was silent for a moment as everyone digested Embry's loaded statement. Jacob was the first to speak, and when he did, his voice was strained. "That's crazy. But Embry has a point. She _was _different. And she seemed to already have some knowledge of the people she belonged to—y'know, like a pack." His thick brow furrowed as he thought, and Renesmee bit her lip. This was nish keit. Not good.

"How could we find out where she came from?" Jared's voice was slightly demanding, and nobody had an answer for him . After a few seconds of silence, a storm cloud brushed across his face, and his next words were biting.

"This pack she belonged to could be a danger to us, and to our families. What if now that she's dead, they come looking for her killers? Renesmee did a stupid thing killing her. Now it could be putting all of us in danger!" He slammed his fist on the kitchen table, and of the plates in the nearby cupboard rattled in lew of the astonished silence that followed his outburst.

Renesmee could hardly contain her indignance. She had killed only so that she could live, and she hadn't done it for herself! How could Jared, her lifelong friend, be standing there and accusing her of doing something wrong by saving her own life? Her anger was in danger of boiling over, but so was Jacob's and she ehard him snarl under his breath as he shot a murderous look at Jared that made the other boy stiffen. Renesmee was about to voice her irritated thoughts, when Sue Clearwater spoke.

"Jared, don't be such a fucking idiot." The words were stiff with reprimand, and the word sounded strange and alien coming out of the prim, proper middle aged woman's mouth. Jared's mouth fell wide open, and so did everyone elses. But Sue wasn't done.

"Renesmee hasn't done anything wrong. All she did was protect herself. Iliana started the fight, and Renesmee only acted in self defense. And if you weren't being such an asshole, I _hope_ it would have occured to you to consider how Renesmee must be feeling right now. This was the first time she's ever killed anyone, and that kind of thing doesn't wear well on the conscience." Her voice was thick with sarcasm, and Renesmee's head was thick with awe and astonishment at her words. Sue had never jumped to her defense like this, and she was afraid to even breathe, worried that it would break the surreal spell. Sue kept going, not even noticing Renesmee's reaction.

"Renesmee didn't kill Iliana out of selfish anger or jealousy, like you imply she did. She did it because she knew what would happen to Jacob if she died. She knew the pain it woud cause, the torment. She did it out of a desire to attain her life. She did it for _love_. And there's nothing to be ashamed of in that."

Sue was finished her speech, and she took a deep breath of finality. The silence was ringing, and every face displayed shock, especially Jared's. He turned bright crimson with embarassment, and his face was so akward and humiliated that Renesmee felt a stab of pity for him. The silence in the room grew, and grew..until Paul added his two cents, in a voice weak with astonishment.

"Yeah, Jared. So stop being such a dick."

That comment caused everyone to errupt into laughter as Paul impossibly turned an even deeper shade of scarlet. His eyes searched until they caught hold of Renesmee's, and he said in a very low voice, "I'm sorry Ness."

"That's okay." Her voice was faint, and as the laughter died down, the seriousness of the situation came crashing back down on all of them. Jared spoke again, straining to keep his dignity.

"We still don't know how we're supposed to get her information. She's dead, and we don't have a single clue where to start looking. These people could be in Bejing, for all we know." He let out a frustrated sigh.

"You seem to be forgetting something." Now Quil Ateara Sr. was speaking, and his wise old voice commanded the attention of everyone else in the room.

"Iliana may be dead, but we still have one source you're overlooking."

Jared was growing impatient again. "And what source is that?"

The older man's face was grim as he spoke. "She may come from another place or another group of shapeshifters such as ourselves, but she was put into our care by her family. By her mother and father. If anybody knows about what she is and where she came from, it's the people who belong to the same place."

Renesmee knew she should have been paying closer attention to the man's revelations, but she was lost in her own. Sue's words had struck a chord within her she hadn't known was there, and it was lifting her grief in ways she couldn't explain if she tried. She had killed someone, yes. And she hadn't deserved to die, it was true. But she hadn't done it for a selfish reason. She had done it for the best possible reason. For Jacob. And something she did for Jacob wasn't something she could ever regret.

As she was having this epiphany, she felt Jacob entertwine his fingers with hers, and lift the back of her hand up to his broad, soft lips. He kissed it softly, and then looked at her over her hand to whisper "I love you" against her skin.

_Shortly.._

Renesmee's family took the news exactly as was expected. It was late at night when she and Jacob went back to her house and explained the story to her family, and Renesmee was slumped against his shoulder most of the time, wracked with exhaustion. It had been a full day; she had woken up early, had almost been killed, had committed her first murder, and had then been forced to spend the rest of the day telling all the details to every single person she didn't want to find out. Her family was the last to be informed, and even though it made her feel more like a horrible person, she couldn't help but see them as the last milestone to overcome before she could get to her fluffy white double bed.

Edward was defenitely angry, but Bella was _livid_. For once, she looked like a vampire. The Nosferatu kind, to be precise. Alice was irritated. Emmett was serious for once, but only mildly miffed. Rosalie was quiet, and so was Carlisle. Jasper was anxious but silent, and Esme immediately inquired as to how Renesmee was feeling. Typical reactions from everybody.

Once they had been filled in up to the point of trying to milk Iliana's parents for information, Carlisle had to have his say. "Don't you think you should give them time to grieve first? Their daughter is dead. They're probably missing her very much, and now they have to be told that they'll never be able to see her again. It's only fair that you tell them and then give them their space." His voice was calm, but firm, and everyone in the room understood the implications in his even tone: Carlisle meant business, and he wanted them to give the Hardmans their space as soon as they were informed.

Renesmee was secretly relieved, but the thought of the other pack still worried her. "What should we do until their more ready to help us?" her tone was helpless.

Edward was the one to answer her. "Go on with our everyday lives." He smiled, a discreet smile. "Renesmee, you're life has changed quite a bit in the last week. Why don't you..er..." he grimaced, and Bella smiled, elbowing him in the back, prompting him to continue with his difficult sentence. He made one more face like he had eaten human food, before he choked out the words, "why don't you..go enjoy..you're romance?"

Renesmee hadn't seen Jacob turn so red or Emmett laugh so hard in a very long time. She had defenitely missed it, and when no one could see her, a small smile escaped her. A hopeful smile.

It was midnight before she was allowed to go to bed, and Jacob didn't bother to be discreet in following her. She was lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling, wrapped in Jacob's arms, their legs entangled. She didn't need any of the covers—he was keeping her warm, despite the soft circles he was tracing on her stomach that were giving her shivers.

Renesmee's mind was full. She had killed, she had grieved, she had smiled, she had laughed, she had loved, all in one day. Now she had taken a verdict from Carlisle, saying that although she had troubles, they were going to have to wait a while. She would live her life like she had before, and now, her father had given her permission to enjoy her love with Jacob. Not that she needed permission..

She was seventeen. And she felt...well, seventeen. She had become increasingly aware of Jacob; of his scent, of his smile, of his soft skin covering his long tanned muscles, of his hair. She had started to wonder about things she never had about anyone else before. And she saw the way he looked at her. Now she could do what any other girl her age would do. She was going to plunge head first into her romance.

Without giving him a warning, Renesmee rolled onto her side, into Jacob's chest, and placed a trail of kisses from his collarbone to his ear, enjoying all the sounds he made. This was the beginning. She had time to develop her relationship.

She was going to get good at this.

_**Alright, firstly, no, I did not just imply a sex scene. I'm going to have to change the rating for this story, because I don't like how innocent my characters are. I need to throw some sex in there! It's coming, everyone.**_

_**I'm going to be updating either weekly or bi-weekly from now on, rotating in between stories. R&R, tell me what you think!**_

_**~Angel Out~**_


End file.
